


Head First

by ladygriffyndor



Series: Stinks of Rebellion [1]
Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, So much angst, everlark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-31 11:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 53,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3975604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladygriffyndor/pseuds/ladygriffyndor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny looks just like his brother, ashy blonde hair that falls down his frightened blue eyes when his name echoes in Effie Trinket's voice around District 12. Daniel Mellark just had his name in once but he still manages to get chosen. How does Katniss react to his boyfriend's only brother being reaped? She volunteers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Reaping

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this fanfic was originally on fanfiction.net but I'm moving it here and hopefully continuing it soon. I promise I will try to upload new chapters soon while I'm on summer break. Please don't hesitate to leave comments or critiques. It's not beta'd so I apologize for any mistakes.

I am awake, but I refuse to open my eyes. The sooner I open my eyes the sooner I'll have to face the horrible day before me. The sooner I open my eyes the sooner I'll have look into my sister's eyes and lie to her, telling her it's going to be okay. I peek between my eyelashes to find her blue eyes staring at me. She must have woken up long ago, unable to sleep because of the terrible day ahead of us. I open my arms for her and she buries her face in my chest, hiding her blue eyes from my gaze. As I hold her I think of another blonde with deep blue eyes. Peeta, my boyfriend Peeta. I wonder how he is doing this morning. Did he wake up to a pair of frightened blue eyes too? I stroke Prim's hair as I think of Danny, Peeta's sweet little brother. It is his first reaping, just like Prim's.

"What if I get rea-" Prim begins to ask but I cover her mouth before she finishes. I can't think about that.

"You won't. Your name is only there once Prim. It will be okay." I whisper in her hair, kissing it softly. Her hold tightens around me. I sing for her until she falls asleep. I untangle myself from her arms and sneak out of the bed. I change clothes quickly and take my boots, walking barefoot to the door, trying not to wake my mother. But it is useless.

"Where are you going?"

I sigh. "I'm going to check on Peeta and Danny." I answer without turning around to see her. I kneel down to tie my boots and once I do I turn around to find her looking at me with her eyes tired and her hair tangled. I sigh and walk up to kiss her hair. "I'll be back later." I say and leave without looking back.

I slept in for longer than I usually do. Gale and I hunted extra yesterday, so we wouldn't have to do it today. Instead of heading to the woods I head to Peeta's house. I suppose Gale is busy comforting his own brothers today.

The bakery is closed, I suppose Mr. Mellark isn't in the mood today, but still it smells like bread and it makes me feel at home. Since Peeta and I started dating I've slowly started to spend more time in the bakery than I do in my own house. Mr. Mellark looks up from the dough he is kneading and smiles sadly at me. "Morning, Katniss." I smile back at him. "Hey, how is Danny?"

"He's sleeping, I figured it was best if I let both of them sleep in today." He says shrugging.

"At least about Peeta we don't have to worry." I whisper, looking to the stairs and he nods.

"He is still asleep, but you can go upstairs if you want." He says, looking back at the dough. I thank him and go upstairs, careful to avoid Peeta's mother. She is apparently the only one who disapproves our relationship. Well, her and Gale. My best friend still isn't too fond of Peeta, but I don't mind.

I don't knock into Peeta's room, I don't want to make noise in case he is still sleeping. I just let myself in and smile as I watch him. His hair is a mess, his blue eyes hidden behind those gorgeous eyelashes. I take off my hunting boots and slide myself in the bed beside him. I bury my face in his chest as Prim did with me and breathe in his scent. Immediately I feel safe and less worried, Peeta just has that effect on me. He soothes me.

After a while I'm so relaxed I think I could fall asleep, but he startles me as he closes his arms around me, pulling me closer, holding me against him. I smile. He must have woken up. I look up and his blue eyes are looking back into mine.

"If every time I slept in it meant I'd wake with you in my arms I'd do it more often." He murmurs, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear and I blush. We've dated a year and a half and still I cannot get used to him and his words.

"Morning, baker."

"Morning, hunter."

I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest again. He holds me and strokes my hair for a while before he asks.

"How's Prim?"

"Scared, but aren't we all?"

"Are you?"

"I'm terrified." I confess. He holds me tighter. "Me too." He whispers after a while.

We just hold each other for a while before I finally break the silence. "His name is only there once, Peeta. Danny will be fine."

I can feel him nodding and I pull away, his blue eyes are worried. "But how many times is yours in there? Twenty four?" _Thirty_. " Plus Prim's and Danny's? I have Twenty six reasons to worry, Katniss." _Thirty two._

He is right, according to my own counts I am the girl with the most slips inside the bowl. I had never told Peeta, but when I was twelve I didn't have my name in four times, but five. Gale and I had made an agreement. We'd enter our names the same amount of times and I would give one of my portions of oil and grain to him, for his family. Why? So that when he was eighteen he'd still have one portion at least to help him a bit. And to lower his chances of going to the Games. But if I told Peeta I had willingly increased my chances of entering the Arena he'd kill me himself.

"Besides, you think I don't know what you'll do if Prim gets chosen?" He whispers and I look away. I'd volunteer and protect her. Giving up my life for hers. And I wouldn't even think twice about it.

"Her name is just in there once, Peeta. I promise she won't get chosen."

He sighs and holds me closer, kissing my hair. I let him soothe me, and try not to think about how scared he must be too.

* * *

 

I walk back home with a warm loaf of bread under my arm. When I get home mom and Prim are sitting on the kitchen table, I see they've already tried to have breakfast. I fake a cheerful smile for my little sister and give her a piece of warm bread with strawberry jelly I did a week ago. I feel a bit better when I see her smile.

My mom has prepared the bath to me and I pretend to be happy about it. I clean myself and pretend to be okay with the dress my mom has decided that I wear. An expensive, delicate blue gown that feels exquisite against my skin. She insists on doing my hair and I let her. Prim watches and I wink an eye at her. She smiles softly, though I can see her hands are trembling. So when my mom is done I pull her into my arms and we walk embraced towards the reaping.

Prim spots her friends and walks to the zone where the 12 year old kids stand, very close to each other. Like little pigeons protecting themselves. I spot Prim smiling to a blonde boy I recognize as Danny, that means Peeta has to be somewhere around here. I look around until I spot him. He walks up to me and I hide the trembling in my hands as I hug him. 

"Just this once, Katniss. Just one more reaping and you are done with it." He whispers and I nod. I'm eighteen, my name is only there thirty times. I can do it. I stand on my tiptoes and I kiss him, something I rarely do on public. But today it is worth it. He kisses me back and smiles to me before leaving. I watch him walk to his father. He is 19 and free. And next year I'll be there with him.  

I start walking to the 18 year old girls but a pair of strong arms stop me. Even without turning around I know it is Gale. He smiles at me and I hug him shortly, but tightly.

"You okay, Catnip?" He asks, worried. I nod.

"How are your kids?" I ask and he chuckles, I know he doesn't have kids. But we often talk about our siblings as if they were.

"Scared, how are yours?"

"Same, though I have only one."

"Peeta and Danny are your kids too." He says, and the humorous tone of our previous conversation is gone. He seems to notice I am not in the humor for arguing about my partner choices so he smiles again and says.

"By the way, I almost forgot. Happy Hunger Games!" He says in a fake cheerful voice, I can't help but to smile.

"And may the odds be _ever_ in your favor."

* * *

 

Hours later, when I try to remember the reaping, it is all a blur to me. I remember Effie and the Mayor giving their respective speeches, not necessarily in that order. I remember my heart racing as Effie walked to the girl's bowl after her unbearably cheerful "Ladies first!"

"Please not her." I whisper as I watch intently Effie's hand swimming around in the paper slips. I hate her, I hate her for making it last, for stretching my pain and worry.

"Mary Smith!" I contain my sigh of relief, I see Prim's position relaxing and I turn around to find Peeta staring at me, it is impossible not to notice the relief in his eyes. The same relief I find in Gale's when I spot him next to his mother. I watch the poor fourteen year old walk up to the stage and silently thank her for saving me and my sister. I am so relieved that the next few sentences go unnoticed and I don't realize Effie has chosen a boy slip until it is too late.

"Daniel Mellark!" She says cheerfully, and the name of my young, sweet, innocent boyfriend's brother echoes around the square. I hear Peeta's and Mr. Mellark's strangled cry and I can't make myself look at them. I can only watch the small copy of the man I love walk hesitantly to the stage. He looks so tiny, beside Effie in her enormous high heels and I notice the tears stinging in my eyes. But what can I do? The rules are the rules and I can't do anything to avoid him going to the Games.

I look back, and spot Peeta who is holding his dad and holding back tears. I see before my eyes how the next weeks will be. I can see Peeta slowly falling apart, feeding his hope of seeing his small brother again. But I know he won't. What chances does he have against the careers? A gentle, innocent twelve year old?

I hear Effie calling out for volunteers for Mary and before I know what I'm doing I throw myself head first into the Arena.

"I volunteer!"


	2. The Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you enough for the kudos, you guys. You make me so happy. I will be trying to edit and reposting the chapters 3 to 12 this weekend and posting a brand new chapter on Monday. Maybe some comments, yes? (:

"No!" Is it Peeta's voice or Gale's? I don't know, but a part of me tells me it might be both's.

I feel every single person in District 12 watching me as I make my way to the stage. I can almost feel the Capitol eyes on me through the cameras, all of them wondering why I volunteered at the last second. The girl who quickly makes her way down the stairs and into her mother's arms and I don't even share a last name. I doubt I have ever seen her in my life. I try not to look back but when I do, I see Mr. Mellark holding Peeta, and to anyone else it could look as if he was comforting him. But to me it seems as if he was holding him back, preventing him from running towards me to get me back to my senses. When I find Gale I see Hazelle holding him just the same. With every step I take towards the stage, and my death, I see flashes of my life before my eyes: My father's smile that last morning before he left to the mine where he was blown to pieces, my sister dancing in the meadow, Gale teasing me as we hunted on Sundays, Peeta's stolen kiss the night he told me he loved me... I see the life I won't have, a life with Peeta, kissing him goodnight every night, waking up beside him every morning, watching Prim grow into a beautiful woman. Because as I walk upstairs I know I've made my choice. I'm getting Danny out of the Arena alive, even if that means I'll return home in a coffin.

"Well, well well. Look what we have here, a volunteer!" How can Effie be so cheerful? Oblivious to the tension around the square? "What's your name, darling?"

"My name is Katniss Everdeen." I say, and I am surprised as my voice sounds steady and sure.

"Well Katniss Everdeen, Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor. Come on, District Twelve! Let's give young Katniss a hand!" But no one claps. My eyes almost get filled with tears as the mother of the kid whose place I've just taken places the three fingers of her left hands to her lips and presses them outward in a silent salute. Slowly the entire district mimics them and I nod, not keeping my eyes on them for long, afraid that the tears might glisten on National Television.

"Shake hands Tributes!" I finally allow myself to look at Danny, who has slowly become like a brother to me. I look into his eyes that are filled with tears and I step closer to him, he raises a hand as if to shake mine, but I pull him into my arms protectively and kiss his hair. I can almost hear Panem gasp.

 

* * *

 

"What the hell were you thinking?!" Gale screams as he storms into the room where I am held to say my goodbyes. I open my mouth to say something but no sound goes out, he just walks up to me and pulls me into a tight embrace. "Take care of them, Gale. Don't let them starve." I whisper into his neck. He nods and pulls back to look into my eyes, hurt. And I think it might be because I didn't answer his question, I just jumped in to ask things from him, as if I wasn't just snatching his best friend away. "You can do this, Katniss. You can win this thing." He says after a moment.

"Gale, I don't _want_ to win this thing. I want to bring Danny back home..."

"That's bullshit, Katniss! Plain bullshit! No one asked you to do this, the kid won't even survive the bloodbath!"

Before I know what I'm doing I've slapped Gale and he has a red mark in his cheek. He looks at me confused and hurt, before I can apologize a pair of peacekeepers are pulling him out of the room and the last thing I hear is Gale's voice saying "Katniss I...!" But the door closes and I will never know what he wanted to say.

Madge comes in next, and she helps me to calm down. She just sits beside me on the couch and before she leaves she sets a Mockinjay pin in my lap, I've seen her use it before. I know it is pure gold and really important to her, I try to protest but she shakes her head. "Promise me you'll wear it in the arena." I nod, unable to say anything. She smiles, presses a kiss to my cheek and leaves before whispering "I'll miss you."

_I'll miss you too Madge._

Mr. Mellark hesitates in the doorway before walking in. I've never seen him show any kind of affection, but still I am completely sure he loves his sons. Still,  I am completely surprised when he pulls me into his arms, and I find myself missing my father as I never have before. I fight back the tears, the cameras are waiting for me and I won't give them the slightest reason to think I am not a threat.

When he pulls away he looks straight into my eyes. "In this games I will either lose a son or a daughter." I open my mouth, but the lump in my throat makes it impossible for me to speak. After a while he is called to leave. "Take care of Peeta!" I manage to yell before he is taken away.

I know there are three more people I'll have to face before I'm taken to the train and towards my grave. I take a deep breath as I brace myself, I know the following goodbyes will be the hardest. The doorknob moves and before I can look up Prim is already sobbing in my arms. I kiss her hair and try and soothe her. My mom sits next to me and pulls both of us into a hug. For the first time in years I don't push her away.

"It will be okay, Prim. Gale will bring you meat, Peeta will give you bread and Danny will be back before you know it."

She starts crying again and I manage to kiss her tears away and give my mother one last hug before they are pulled out of the room. I bury my face in my hands while Prim's cries echo in my head. Not crying is hard, because I know I will never see them again.

The door opens and I can't make myself look up, but even without doing so I recognize Peeta's footsteps walking towards me. He pulls down my hands and I look into his blue eyes. Tears are still fresh on his cheeks, he probably comes from saying goodbye to Danny, or he might have started crying on the reaping.

"Katniss Everdeen, how could you?" He whispers and his voice breaks, suddenly I find myself wishing he had yelled at me, like Gale.

"I'm going to bring back your brother, Peeta I swear I am..." I try, holding back tears the best I can.

"I know you are." He says, and I see into his eyes that he believes me. But he is already picturing himself at my funeral. "Why are you making me choose? How can you leave me like this?" He asks and a tear falls down his cheek.

"Peeta..." I choke out but he just shakes his head.

"We don't have much time. Katniss, I love you. You are brave and beautiful, and perfect and I wish I was doing this differently but you are giving me no choice..." He places a box in my hands and opens it, revealing a modest yet beautiful engagement ring. "I was going to ask you after the reaping but..." He pulls it out looking up into my eyes. I don't know how I manage not to cry, but I do it. "Marry me, Katniss. Right here, right now. Who cares about the paperwork? Say you are my wife. Wear this in the arena." He begs and I nod.

"I am Peeta, I am." I manage to mutter before I kiss him passionately, as I've never kissed him before and he barely has time to slide the ring on my finger before he is pulled away. I am able to yell "I love you!" before the door closes between us. I suddenly regret not having said it enough.

 

* * *

 

I'm reunited with Danny, his eyes are puffy and there are still fresh tears in his cheeks. I wipe them away and the cameras follow us into the train. As a mechanism of defense I turn Effie's blabber about the honor that it is to be a tribute and the luxuries we will enjoy until the games into a sort of background noise, somehow that keeps me from snapping at her and I can keep an arm protectively around Danny's shoulders as I do my best to keep my face unreadable. I want all Panem to wonder what is in my mind. They won't see me cry.

I'm Katniss Everdeen and I am not afraid of dying.


	3. The Mentor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently trying to find a beta for this fic, so if you are interested shoot me a message! (:

Is it my imagination or is Effie looking at Danny with worried eyes? It must be impossible, she is a Capitol citizen, and as far as I'm concerned they are unrelated to any kind of emotion. "Maybe you should take him to his room." She says, shifting her eyes to me and  I nod, following her through the train as I try to take in the luxury that surrounds us. I have never seen such exquisite furniture, but I suppose that after the Games I will never see any kind of furniture again, whatever it is that awaits for us in the Arena will be my last dwelling.

I am surprised by the size of the bed that awaits us inside of Danny's bedroom. Effie leaves us alone and I take Danny to the mattress, sitting him in my lap, pulling off his shoes and letting him cry against my neck. I stroke his hair and back wishing someone was waiting for me at my own room to do the same. I am scared too, and I too feel like sobbing but I keep a strong facade for Danny.

After a while his sobbing is slowly replaced by a soft hiccup and he pulls away to look at me. "I'm sorry." He whispers.

I smile softly and wipe away his tears. "No, Danny. It's okay."

"No it is not!" He yells, and he seems suddenly older. Not the twelve year old I took camping on his birthday, not the kid that laughed as Peeta and I tickled him. "You are going to the Games and it is my fault! Even if I... even if I go back, Peeta will never forgive me."

I frown and shake my head. "Danny, your brother loves you more than anything in the world. This is not your fault, you didn't chose to come here. You didn't force me into volunteering. I did it because I love you... and I love your brother." I explain myself in an attempt to prevent my voice from cracking. He notices, but doesn't comment on it, he doesn't seem to know what to say at all.

"You should get some sleep, Danny." I say after a while, I tuck him into the bed and he looks up at me. Something tells me it won't be that easy for him to fall asleep, so I lay over the blankets beside him and start singing softly. The same song I sang for Prim that morning. He falls asleep and as I kiss his hair a single tears falls into it as I am reminded I will never sing for my sister again.

I stand up from the bed carefully, and leave the bedroom, closing the door behind him softly. All efforts to keep it quiet are almost shattered as my now mentor, former Victor, Haymitch Abernathy surprises me in the hallway. His presence is definitely something I wasn't expecting and I jump, he chuckles and points to the living room with his glass. "You and I have a lot of things to talk about, sweetheart. And you don't want to wait until dinner." I follow him without a word, and he doesn't turn to see if I'm behind him. The brownish liquid in his glass moves with his and the train's movement, even before the scent strikes me I know it is alcohol. Peeta's mom often walks with a similar glass on her hand, and Haymitch's love for the booze isn't a secret to anyone in Panem.

We sit down in the couches, he sits on one big enough for three people, but manages to occupy it all. He sips and I sit down in an individual couch in front of him. Only when I look around I notice we are not alone. A couple of women look at us without really watching. Haymitch must have seen my confusion because he clears it. "Avoxes, our servants." I nod and look beside me to a table where a jar is, it is filled with fresh cold water and I stand up to pour a glass. The Avoxes don't move but I feel Haymitch's eyes on me as I drown the whole glass in one gulp and I pour water again. One I'm sitting in front of him again he clears his throat.

"Now speak."

"What do you want me to say?"

"It is obvious you are not like District 2 careers: eager to go to the Games, kill some kids and go home back bathed in glory. You have other reasons for volunteering, the kid whose place you've taken isn't your familiar nor your friend. And you and the other kid seem pretty close. Spill."

I sigh. I don't feel like talking about it, not with anyone, and least of all with Haymitch, but I must. He managed to get out of the Arena alive, and he has to be the one to help me to bring Danny back.

"He is my boyfriend's little brother." I give in after a moment.

"The baker's kid?"

"Yes, Peeta. I love Danny like a brother, and I couldn't bear to see him walk to his death. So I figured that if I went I could protect him. I could make sure he'd win."

"You'd make sure you'd lose." He corrects and I open my mouth as if to correct him, but I know he is right, so I just close it and nod. He sighs and leans back.

"Look sweetheart, I can only bring one tribute home each time. I'm forced to choose every single year and it is hard. I have to choose the one that has the most possibilities of winning and focus all my strength to bring them back." His voice is low and suddenly I gain respect for the man before me. I imagine what would it be like to have to choose between two kids who both have confidence in you to save them, only to watch them both die year after year. "This year it might be different though, if you want to bring him home too."

"I do." I say and he nods.

"He is twelve years old, and he is essentially dead already. You and I both know he can't kill anyone, you'll have to do the dirty job for him." The way he says it makes it sound like a question, he is asking me if I'm willing to kill for him. I hesitate but I end up nodding.

"Okay, you are dismissed. Get out so I can think and get drunk in peace." I nod again and stand up, taking my glass of water with me. When I am almost out of the room he calls my name and I turn to see him.

"What if you are the last two?"

The possibility strikes me and I found myself dreading it. But still, I know it is the most possible scenario if I want him to go back.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He says and I walk towards my room, hiding inside of it.

 

* * *

 

I explore my quarters and find that the drawers are filled with clothes. I find what seems like a comfortable outfit and decide to take a shower to clear my thoughts. I quickly give up on that idea as the shower gives me a headache. All those buttons and colors are impossible for me to decipher. So I just change my clothes and I wash my face, looking at my own reflection in the mirror. I tell myself that if I am going to cry this is the moment. But no tears come out.

An hour or so later Effie knocks on my door calling me for dinner, I suppose Danny is still sleeping, but I decide to wake him up so he can eat something. He needs food and strength for what is about to follow. So I shake him lightly and tell him to get ready to eat. I wait for him with Effie in the dining room, Haymitch is nowhere on sight but that somehow doesn't surprises me, or her. Not even Danny mentions it.

Danny enters the room and sits down next to me. The Avoxes come in with the food and they set a bowl of soup in front of each one of us. I am surprised by the quantity and the delicious scent it has, I start eating and my stomach is filled with a warm liquid that makes me feel much better. I try not to eat too fast but still I am the first one to finish. Effie watches us silently and she ends up noticing the ring in my left hand. "You didn't have that at the reaping."

I shake my head and swallow the lump in my throat, I take a sip of water to gain some time. I can feel Danny's eyes piercing in my back.

"I got unexpectedly engaged." I whisper, and the look in Effie's eyes is almost sad enough to break my heart. But I doubt it can ever be broken again.

We finish the dinner in silence and we leave to the TV room to watch the reruns of the reapings. Haymitch was right about District 2 and 1. The Careers fight to decide who gets the honor of going to the Games, it makes me sick. Though it might have something to do with the fact that I've eaten more on that last hour than I have in a week for sure. Both the guy from two and from eleven are mountains. The girl from one is so beautiful I know she must already have a million sponsors, and an innocent girl from eleven cries as she is escorted to the train. She can't be older than Danny.

Effie turns off the tv and I walk Danny back to his room. He asks me to sing again and I do, only because I cannot stand to see him suffer. I only leave when I'm completely sure he is asleep. And only when I'm laying alone on the bed and the District I've always called home gets further away every second I finally start crying.


	4. The Plan

I wasn't able to fall asleep until very late, but I am relieved when I peek between my eyelashes and I see that I've survived the night. I was tired enough from all the crying to dream nothing at all, which is good; I doubt I'll be able to sleep much in the arena, so I guess it's better to get some rest while I still can. Even when I am relieved to have faced no nightmares I am disappointed as well when I open my gray eyes to find the big, empty bedroom in the Capitol train. A small part of me still wished it had all  been a nightmare and I was still in the cold, hard, old mattress I shared with my sister. But I am still here, and Danny is too.

I decide to give the shower a second chance, so I find myself naked outside of it pressing random buttons until I manage to get the water to run in a decent pressure and temperature. It is all peace and tranquility until I find myself attacked by several creams when I try to get my hair cleaned. When I am finally dry I walk back to my room and get dressed with the same clothes I wore yesterday, they are still clean and they are comfortable. When I look at myself in the mirror I see no evidence of the girl that woke up yesterday's morning in her bed at the Seam. That girl is gone, Peeta is a widower already. I turn my back to the stranger's reflection.

I walk to the dining room where I find Effie glaring at Haymitch, who focuses all his attention in spreading butter over a loaf of bread, still I can see he is pressing his lips together, trying not to smirk. Danny has that nervous expression he showed whenever his mother yelled at Peeta or Mr. Mellark in front of him. They all seem to relax when I walk in, which gives me the feeling that they were discussing something about me.

"Morning." I mutter sitting next to Danny, immediately capturing his hand underneath the table to give it a gentle squeeze, he smiles. It takes me back to those Saturday mornings when I went to have breakfast with them. But Peeta isn't making us all laugh with his jokes, Danny's eyes don't shine.  "Morning sweetheart, how did you sleep?" Haymitch asks and I shrug, starting to eat. Moments later, Effie clears her throat and she isn't content until we all turn around to see her, she smiles. "We'll be arriving in a few hours. You will go with your stylists to get ready for the Tribute parade. Katniss dear, you are up very late so I must apologize for not waiting until you are done." I fake a smile and she nods, leaving to do goodness knows what.

Haymitch is noticeably happier when she leaves, because he sits back. "Okay, so you already know me. And the boy here does too. Now, rules: You don't mess up with me and I'll help you. Whatever I say is whatever you have to do, you hear me?" Danny nods and I do too. Suddenly I find myself hoping he won't be so stupid to talk about my plan in front of Danny. I know he must already suspect it. Because only one of us will get out and he knows I'm not planning it to be me, but still I don't think he will take it very well if we discuss my death over the breakfast table. Still, Haymitch surprises me skipping that part.

"You must never underestimate the way the public sees you, cameras are going to be everywhere from this moment and on. You have to be careful on what is your expression. You have to get people to like... no, scratch that, to love you. You are going to go to your stylists and accept whatever it is that they say, no 'but's no 'if's no nothing. And you are going to smile and pretend you are enjoying the Parade. You think you'll manage to survive for that long?" We both nod again and he sits back, pulling out a decanter and taking a sip. I wrinkle my nose. "Now kid, go to your room while sweetheart here and me have a grown up talk."

I can tell Danny is about to protest but I stop him, "Just go, Danny. I'll be with you in a minute." He glares at me, I know how much he hates to be shooed away because he is young. But whatever it is I know I don't want him to hear. He leaves and I turn to Haymitch.

"Sweetheart I hope you realize the kind of game you are getting into. You saw the reruns, didn't you? If you were a career from two and you saw Danny what would you think?"

I swallow. "An easy kill..." I whisper, and he nods. That was what he was expecting.

"However, there is this girl who volunteers and seems willing to protect the kid with her life. The same girl who didn't cry or show any emotion as she walked to her death. The tributes must be wondering by now how much of a threat you are. But we don't care about their opinion, we care about the Capitol's. Kid you need to make them fall in love with you."

"I don't know how to do that!" I protest, trying to quiet the panic attack in my chest. "I know how to keep my emotions under control, I did it because I don't want the careers to think I'm not a threat. I need to scare them enough to get out of the bloodbath and then I'll manage to survive..."

"Until they kill off each other and only the best remain?" He questions me, interrupting me. I glare at him because I know he is right. "You did well not to cry on the stage. But now you smile and pretend you love the Capitol. And you have to be excellent, not good, nor great, in your individual trials. And in the interview you get people to fall for you and your tragic story so they'll support you and the kid."

"You want me to tell them I have no intention of getting out?" I manage to breathe out after some minutes of silence.

"I want you to tell them how much you love the baker's son, how you couldn't stand the idea of watching him suffer so you volunteered to protect his brother, how you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if Danny doesn't get out, how you rather die than leave the baker without his brother. The Capitol people are suckers for a good story, this is all they want sweetheart, a good show. Give it to them." He says and I stand up, because I know he is right but at the same time I can't stand the idea of exposing my deepest feelings to the monsters in the Capitol. The same feelings I share to no one, not even Peeta or my sister. I don't have to, they know them already. But the Capitol doesn't, and this is the best chance I get to save Danny. So I walk to my room and slam the door, allowing myself to break down again.

 

* * *

 

Danny and I are watching through the windows of the train, the landscape escapes too quickly from our gaze, making it impossible to play "I Spy" but we enjoying watching the outside, spotting a tree or something green once in a while comforts me, I'm not used to the shiny and grey interior of the train. But after a while the landscape changes, and we find ourselves inside the Capitol. The colors, the people, it all seems ridiculously colorful to me, so I look away and find Danny staring at me.

"I know what you are planning." He says quietly and I sigh.

"Danny I don't know if I want to have this conversation..."

"You know what is going to happen if I win, Peeta won't be able to look at me without thinking I'm only alive because you are dead." I open my mouth to protest but he doesn't let me, instead he continues. "And I'll think the same whenever I see myself in the mirror."

"Danny no one asked me to do this, I love you. I chose this." I say looking into his eyes, talking firmly.

"Just promise me one thing."

"Anything, Danny."

"If I die, you _have_ to win. Peeta can't lose both of us." I can hear the decision in his voice, and he doesn't stutter, not once. He has been thinking of this, he has thought about his own death and he has the nerve to talk about it without his voice breaking. I swallow the lump in my throat and nod. He goes back to observing the Capitol. I observe him instead, the boy that grew up in just a few hours. It breaks my heart so I play with my ring and await for the moment in which Effie will tell us my first and last train ride has come to an end.


	5. The Girl on Fire

I feel terrible for not being able to remember their names, but they seem to have no problem with that, in fact they probably will never find out, seeing that they hardly give me time to breathe, much less to speak. My preparation team talk and talk, and they shot questions to me without giving me time to reply, which is good. If Capitol people are like this maybe they aren't that bad at all, just a little foolish and way too talkative.

My ears are buzzing now, I'm tired of noise so I am relieved when my preparation team leaves, they've shaved practically all my body, they erased my face to paint it all over again with soft make up, and when I watch myself in the mirror I see I am still myself, just prettier. I wonder what Peeta will think when he sees me like this, or Gale. I shake those thoughts off my mind, I need to focus on what I am about to do. I've realized that when I think too much off the Games and what awaits for me there I get anxious. So I decide to take only baby steps, focus on the immediate thing I have to do. Right now I need to calm down, and wait for my stylist to show up. Will his or her hair be blue? Maybe their skin will be green, like one of the women that were part of my prep team. I entertain myself thinking about what he will be like while I wait for him to show up. I am surprised as a very normal man walks up to me moments later.

"Katniss, I'm Cinna, your stylist. I must say it will be an honor to work with you." I cannot help but to smile, he seems good, and mostly normal. The only thing that do catches my eye is a soft line of golden eyeliner that suits him very well. I nod, and I know that is my way of telling myself and him that I approve of him. He invites me to walk into the next room. "I believe lunch would be a good idea, don't you?" He asks gently, his voice is soft and comforting. I trust him immediately, standing up and following him.

"So, Katniss, how are you?" He asks, and for the first time since I've arrived the Capitol, someone seems concerned about me. They've asked that question many times to me today, but I know that they expect me to answer things like "I'm perfect! Can't wait for the arena." or "I'm so excited! I want to go kill children now." But Cinna's soft voice and eyes tell me that he knows it a cruelty, he doesn't congratulate me for being here like everyone else. It seems like Cinna sees the Games as they truly are, instead of seeing them as just another tv show. "I'm calm." I say after a while and he nods.

We sit at a living room and Cinna presses a button, a plate appears in the table along with plates and glasses for us two, it seems to be some sort of pasta and beef, but I am completely amazed. Sure, since I got into the train I've eaten much more than the past 18 years of my life. But to press a button and get the food magically appear? At least on the train I had to wait for other people to bring it, which gave me the sensation that food was someone's work. But here it seems to be just a luxury more. Do kids think about if they want a diamond ring or an apple? Is it the same thing for them? Have they ever been hungry? I know what is like not to eat for weeks, to live off water and a bunch of roots trying to leave all food for my mom and sister, but now I am assured the Capitol people are alien to the concept of being hungry.

"How despicable we must seem to you." He says, probably noticing my expression. I choose to ignore it, because they are all despicable to me. Except him, probably. And my preparation team, because no one can hate such adorable idiots. So I just let him serve me food and thank him silently, I wait until he starts eating to do so myself.

"You are new, aren't you. I've never seen you before." I say after a while and he nods, his manners resemble Effie's, he is a perfect gentleman, but he doesn't frown at me when I accidentally wipe my hands on my robe."So they gave you District 12." I say, not really asking. It is obvious that 12 isn't the first choice, of anyone. 74 years have passed and we've had two Victors, one of them is an old drunk. Which is why Cinna surprises me by saying. "I asked for District 12."I see he notices the look in my eyes, he knows I wonder why. But either he doesn't feel like sharing or he doesn't trust me because we stop talking about that.

"The prep team gave me this." He says and looks in the pockets of his pants, handing back to me the Mockingjay pin and Peeta's ring. I sigh relieved and slide the ring in my left hand, feeling the now familiar and reassuring weight on it. "It is beautiful, who gave it to you?" He asks softly. "Danny's brother... my boyfriend." I reply in a whisper, hoping that that way my voice wouldn't break. "He proposed to me when he came in to say goodbye." Cinna looks completely astounded. And he seems not to know what to say.

"That is why you volunteered, to save the boy." He says after a while and I nod. "You are the bravest person I've ever known, Katniss Everdeen. It is an honor to work with you." I hate it when people repeat themselves, but somehow with Cinnay it doesn't seem to bother me.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later I'm wearing what it seems to be a full body black suit. Even without the final touch Cinna keeps talking about it looks absolutely gorgeous. It makes me look dangerous, and sexy. Which is probably appealing for the Capitol. They've left my hair in a slightly more stylish version of my everyday braid, and the make up is minimal. Cinna wants them to be able to recognize me once I enter the Arena. Danny seems nervous, but also a little excited. I keep reminding myself that everything is new for him, underneath it all there is still a twelve year old. He gets a chance to see all of this again though; If everything goes as I plan it he will have to come back every year, to mentor the other kids. But he will be alive, Peeta won't lose all of his family of a sudden.

Danny and I are both wearing crowns, as if we had already crowned ourselves Victors. And moments later Cinna shows up with what is the final touch: fire. He claims that it isn't real fire, and that we are completely safe. He will light our capes and our crowns, giving the sensation that we are coal, which is the main product of District twelve. It will be a big hit. Still, I'm terrified that all my efforts to keep Danny alive might be in vain after this fashion madness.

The Parade starts, and we can see it in the tv screens while we wait. All the tributes are smiling, proud to be there. They look all dangerous and terrifying, and I have the urge to pick Danny and run away. But we can't. So instead we wait for our turn and when it comes Cinna lights us up. It is a funny sensation, to be burnt alive, it tingles but it doesn't hurt. But before I can thank Cinna for it the chariot moves and we are launched into the city center. Suddenly I can no longer listen to my own thoughts, the crowd cheers our names so loudly I can't listen to anything else. When I get a glance of us in the screens I can see why, there is no way you can look away from us. We are District 12 and we are on fire. Suddenly I feel Danny's hand on mine and I raise it to my lips to comfort him. The crowd goes insane, and in the next screen I can see my ring is visible. I hope Peeta can see it.

Even the tributes from another districts have completely turned around in their own chariots to see us, we blow kisses to the crowd and pretend to catch theirs. We come to a stop, but the fire doesn't die down, and I can see they all have a hard time ignoring us to pay attention to President Snow. Is it me or his snakelike eyes are stuck on us too? I try to stare back at him, but I'm unable to. He wishes us all Happy Hunger Games and we start our last turn before we disappear. The crowd cheers us again and even after the door is closed behind us I can still hear our names. Effie and Cinna congratulates us, Haymitch gives me a nod. But I'm more interested in the looks the other tributes are shooting at us. They hate us, and I know it, we've stolen the attention that belongs to Careers. I pull Danny behind me and look back at them. I dare them to hold my gaze, but even the large boy from 2 looks away after a while. We walk away and I can't suppress a smile. They fear me: Katniss, the girl on fire.


	6. The Offer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm officially halfway through the revamping-reposting of Head First. Thank you so much for the love sweethearts!

We watch the reruns of the Parade, and it quickly becomes obvious we were the main stars of it. Since the moment we came out there was not a pair of eyes able to turn away from us; maybe it was the flames that surrounded us, maybe it was the crowns lit on fire above our heads, maybe it was our hands joined or the fact that we were smiling at them, kissing them back and seeming to have an amazing time. Not even during President Snow's speech the cameras were able to resist the temptation of turning to us once in a while. And during the interviews, Caesar Flickerman he said it was obvious the Capitol had a favorite already. "Katniss Everdeen the Girl on Fire, I'm hoping to see more of you already!" He said just as the program was ending. We toasted with wine, making it the first time Danny and I ever tasted it and Cinna kissed both our foreheads before leaving along with Portia, Danny's stylist, and the rest of our prep teams. Effie excused herself soon after, leaving us the three under the soft glow of the screen. Danny was yawning next to me so I sent him off to bed. I looked up to Haymitch as soon as the door of Danny's bedroom was closed. "So?"

"Nice sweetheart. They like you. Now you have to be sure they love you. Go sleep, you'll need it." He says, dismissing me and I nod, going to bed. I can't resist to smile a little as I remember the crowd cheering my name, but when the makeup comes off and I am wearing normal clothes again the smiles disappear from my reflection in the mirror. I don't want a crowd cheering my name, I don't want to be the Capitol's favorite. I want to go home.

* * *

The next morning I find that my clothes have already been chosen for me: a pair of black sports tights and a dark purple shirt. I know it's the first day of training so it is obvious I will be needing this kind of clothes. I get into the shower which is similar to the one in the train and manage to have a nice shower for the first time. After that, I put on my clothes and braid my still wet hair as I walk out of my quarters. In the dining room Daniel is already waiting, seeming uncomfortable as he is alone with Haymitch. Effie is nowhere on sight and Danny is visibly relieved as he notices me walking in. I kiss his blonde hair, grabbing my plate to serve some food in it, murmuring a "morning" for Haymitch. Danny's clothes are identical to mine.

"I do hope you can be more charming than that for the cameras, sweetheart." He grunts and continues to eat, I roll my eyes at him as I sat down. We eat in silence for a while before Haymitch leans back in his share, some of his food is still left on his plate but he gestures for the Avox to take it away, I almost break down. "Now, both of you. What are you good at?" He asks, and the way he looks at us makes me feel exposed, as if he was looking for the deepest corners of my core. Danny breaks the silence. "Nothing." He says, looking down ashamed. I frown and turn around to look at him, a hand rushing to push the hair off his eyes.

"That is not true Danny, and you know it. Remember all those times I took you hunting? You are very good with traps and knots. You are the best I know." I say , even though I know Gale is better, but he has had more time to practice. Ever since the first time I gave a rope to Danny he knew immediately what to do with it, and he was always making up new traps, helping me and making my job easier. "What about you, Katniss? Why don't you tell him you are good hunting?" He asks defiantly. Haymitch raised his eyebrow. "I've heard something about that, so it's true you actually sneaked out of the District?" I blush and nod.

"Not just that, but she is the best archer in the world," Danny interjects before I can even open my mouth to reply to Haymitch's question. "She always brings fresh meat home and she shoots the squirrels right in the eye, that's what dad says. She can kill a bird that is flying miles up." His eyes widen as he exaggerates my talents the way kids do. I smile softly at him and blush deeper. "That's not true, I'm just fairly good with the bow and arrow." I insist and Haymitch nodded, Danny looks annoyed. "Okay, today you have to prove yourselves as worthy opponents, but pay close attention to my words, okay? I said _worthy_ , not perfect, and not the best. Keep a low profile and stay away from the knot and archery station. Leave that for the individual sessions. Most importantly: stick together. Am I understood?" He says and we both nod.

Haymitch takes a drink of his mug, which I highly doubt is just coffee, but if I had to be perfectly honest I would had to admit Haymitch was clean and presentable. He is for sure going out to talk with some sponsors. He stands up and speaks without even looking at us, so I look away. "Great, then you are off in ten minutes. And sweetheart?" He remains silent until I look up at him again, until he is sure he has my complete attention. "Don't take your ring off."

* * *

As we walk inside the Training center it becomes obvious we are the last tributes to enter, even though we are not late. The moment we fall into the circle the other tributes have formed all of their eyes fall on us, and they don't leave us as the Capitol Woman sets the rules. The intimidating male tribute from District Two has his eyes set on Danny, and I frown when I notice Danny's scared expression, stepping in front of him protectively. Minutes later we are released and the tributes disperse. I looked down to Danny, trying to give him an encouraging smile. "Where to, boss?" He isn't able to resist his smile, for sure remembering how he had taught me how to bake a cake for Peeta's birthday and I had called him boss ever since then. "I don't know, the plants station?" He asks after his eyes have wandered around the different stations and I nod, heading off to the aforementioned one. Judging by the plants they were showing us I was able to infer they would be throwing us in a forest-like arena, and I found myself hoping they would. We took turns deciding where to go, never spending less than half an hour in them, carefully avoiding the ones Haymitch had forbidden, but I often glanced longingly to the bows and arrows.

During lunch we sit together in the table in the corner. The careers join two tables and eat together, Danny shots them scared looks once in a while. So I tell him a funny story about one time Prim was sure my dad and I were friends with a fairy in the woods and he laughs, his laughter echoes around the cafeteria and I smile when I notice all eyes on us again, they are for sure wondering how it is possible that the tributes of the weakest District are having fun.

The thing went on for a few days, Haymitch asked how we did and I told him not to worry since we had followed his instructions. It was alarming how easily we fell into routine, even when there was not a routine at all. Just some things happened every day, I woke up wishing to be in District 12, but embraced the day before me with a calm exterior and a preoccupied mind. I made Danny eat as much as he could without being sick in an attempt of making him gain some weight and jogged with him every day before actually starting training, trying to make our physical condition better. Once I sent Danny to sleep every night I watched the interviews with the old Victors. Dying to see an interview of my family, of Peeta, I often fell asleep on the living room and somehow ended up back on my bed.

Finally the night before the last day of training I saw them. They interviewed my mom, who said she was proud of me and my bravery. Prim told an anecdote about me singing for her that made me tear up, but I don't really start crying until Danny's and Peeta's father came out, he said he was nothing but positive about having his son back, he trusted me blindly and he was proud to call me his daughter. And then Peeta talked about me, about us. "She will be the best in there, she is so good she has decided not to win even when she could easily do so. I just really hope she knows she carries my heart with her." I freeze the picture, looking at Peeta's features and allowing myself to cry some more before going back to my quarters and cry myself to sleep.

The next day the training went on as usual, but the end has an unexpected twist: the boy from District Two approaches me and taps my shoulder. "I have an offer for you." I narrowed my eyes before turning to Danny. "I'll catch up with you, tell Haymitch I'll be there in five minutes." He nods after a moment and leaves my side reluctantly. The boy smirks at me. "Does he always follow your orders like a pet?" I scoffat him. "I don't have time for this, what is your offer?" He crosses his arms, flexing his enormous muscles. "Fine. It seems like you are quite popular and for what I've seen it seems like you are not that bad with weapons. We'd like you to become part of our alliance."

I'm sure I did a good job hiding my surprise, but for some seconds I don't know what to say. I know what the rest of the districts outside of 1, 2 and 4 thought of the Careers, how despicable they were to our eyes, the kids that hunted to kill. I could almost hear Gale's voice in my head talking about how much he hated them, those who chose to see the Games as that: games. Still I know that if I reject them I'll become their first target. So I nod and shake the hand the boy is reaching out to me. "Just one condition, you don't dare touch the boy. Let him die on his own."


	7. The Broken Pieces

The elevators in the training center aren't like the ones at home. For starters here there are more than eight, back at home there are only two, one of them is in the Justice Hall, and I've rode it twice, first when I was eleven years old and awarded the Medal of Honor. I can still remember the weight of the cold metal in my hands, as if a heavy circle of fake gold would in any way compensate the loss of my father. The second time was just a week ago -was it really just a week ago?- when I volunteered and had to wait in the room with the velvet sofa to say my goodbyes. The other elevator I've rode eleven times, it is the one in the mines. As a part of our formation the students in District 12 take a visit to the mines once a year, when I was younger it was unpleasant but I still got to see my father there, who faked a smile in his tired and coal dust covered face, ever since he was blown to bits riding that elevator made my stomach twist and I felt as if I was going to explode myself.

The elevator of the training center is fancy, the shiny surfaces reflect my body and my own eyes stare back to me. There even is a small velvet couch in it, but the ride is so short that it's mostly decorative. At least that's what I used to think, the first time I rode this elevator it was kind of exhilarating actually, the speed, the feeling that you leave your stomach on the first floor as the rest of your body darts to the twelfth. But this time it feels endless, and the feeling of sickness I used to have when I went down the mines is present the whole ride.

Have I just agreed to team up with the Careers? My own hand feels alien and filthy, I can't believe I have shook hands with the mountain kid from Two that has been the protagonist of my nightmares during the last week. But I have, because I know it's the best option I have. I only hope the people back at my District can forgive me. I hope I can forgive myself before dying.

When the number twelve lights up I know I have less than a second to compose my expression before the elevator doors open and the small gathering that surely awaits for me shows up, so I erase every emotion from my face and I step out of the elevator pretending I'm just returning from training like any other day, but Haymitch isn't a fool, and neither it is Danny. Effie, on the other hand, is, so when I arrive to the living room she reminds me I'm late and that I should get washed up for dinner. I nod and do what I'm told, but I know sooner than later I'll have to tell everyone what just happened downstairs.

The tense silence that surrounds us during dinner seems to be affecting everyone, even Effie has noticed something is going on; I acknowledge her cheerful birdlike comments with nods and monosyllabic answers, but even like that the silence grows heavier and even she shuts up after a while. We are halfway through dessert when Danny decides it has been enough and slams his fist down the table, a gesture alarmingly similar to his mother's. "You can't do that Katniss!" He accuses, and I'm taken aback by the glare he shoots at me.

"I heard it all, I saw you!" He continues, and I'm tempted to ask how but then I remember he is the youngest one in a family of four, of course he has mastered the art of eavesdropping. "It's the best chance we have to..." I try to say but he interrupts me again, I've never seen him like this. "To what? To get everyone to hate us?" Danny demands and I swallow because I know he is right, but if the whole district hating me brings him back home I don't mind. Before I can explain him that Danny turns his attention to Haymitch, who seems to be as thunderstruck as I am, but I know he knows what is going on before Danny explains to him. "Katniss has agreed to an alliance with the Careers!"

Effie gasps, and I don't know if it is because she is excited one of her tributes actually might be among the strongest this year or because she is repulsed by it. Whatever it was she excuses herself saying she has little tolerance for all this yelling and I can only follow her pink wig out of the room with the corner of my eye.

Haymitch eyes me carefully and says nothing, eventually Danny's rage seem to calm down but I know he is waiting for our mentor to take his side and remind me what District 12 thinks about Careers, but after some agonizingly long seconds he takes a sip of his glass and says very clearly. "There is a line somewhere, sweetheart. Find it, and make sure you don't cross it."

I know what that means, it means that in the Games there are no rules and the unspoken ones I might have to break if I want to bring Danny back alive, the very fact that I am trying to make sure someone else wins is breaking the rules and Haymitch knows that. But Danny obviously don't, and with a betrayed look in his eyes he stands up roughly, causing the chair to fall and storms off.

My mentor allows me to bury my face in my hands for a while before he asks me. "Do you know what you are doing?" I look up and shake my head, he doesn't seem surprised by my answer. "I only know that if I had rejected him right there Danny would have been his first victim, only because he knows that would assure me to be his second." I mutter, and I think I see some compassion in his eyes, but I'm pretty sure it's only the tears in mine, confusing me. "Alliances can't be forever, I figured that if I could stick with the careers for the first days, feed Danny well... then we could run, outlast them...if I can assure we survive the bloodbath..." I know I'm rambling, but I can't stop. Rambling is the only thing keeping me from crying. "I think I made him think I don't really care about Danny, but he agreed not to touch him... I just... I don't know what I'm doing." I finish with a sigh.

"Just find that line." Haymitch says and dismisses himself, taking his dessert with him.

I knock on Danny's door for quite a while, but he doesn't open up. Eventually I walk in without his permission, and I find it empty. Panicking I barge into my room, which is empty too, I'm about to run to Effie for help when I notice the door that supposedly takes us to the roof ajar. Something inside me tells me to go up, and there he is. Blonde hair against the moonlight, broken childish sobs against the adult air he tries to adopt.

Danny hears me, I know that, he has the best ear out there. "I know what you are trying to do Katniss, but there is still a big chance I die." He says, as if I need a reminder. "And when I do, I want to die as myself. I don't want to be a Career!" He yells into the cold night air, as if trying to make the whole Capitol hear him. "I don't want to be just a piece in their Games."


	8. The Careers

I have forbid myself to think about Danny's death as a possibility, I know as a fact that if I clear my head of thoughts of that happening I'll act better in order to prevent it. Only then do I realize the obvious: Danny is just a boy, and he is scared of dying, but more than that he is scared of killing. For the first time ever the blonde baker's son that stands before me reminds me of someone really different, I don't think of Peeta and his kind smile, but of Gale screaming at the woods. I think of Gale ranting about the Hunger Games and how unfair they are, I think of him criticizing the Capitol people.  _You root for your favorites, cry when they get killed. It's sick!_

Danny is only twelve and among the luckiest ones of the District. Before he was pulled out of it his life was as good as it could be, he lived off stale bread, yes, but his roof was steady and his lunchbox always full when he walked into school. His shoulders were broad and he was the height a boy his age should be. He had been hungry, but he had never been starving. And ever since I started dating his brother he has had fresh meat on the table almost every day.

Gale and I, we had it very different. Before Peeta was present in my life the only way we could afford warm bread was by hunting a whole weekend, the only way we could afford to keep our families well fed was to break the law and sneak out of the fence to get the food ourselves. We both lost our fathers in the same explosion, and we both know what it is like to live on boiled tea leaves and a few roots we manage to pull off the ground. We know what it is like to see one of our brothers slowly starve, their cheeks sinking, their ribs showing. We both know what it is like to see our mothers staring into the window, as if they hoped their husband would come back from the mines soon. We hated the Capitol, we hated the Hunger Games. We had a reason to be angry. Only now do I realize that Danny does too.

And not only Danny, but Madge too. It doesn't matter that her father is the Mayor, her name was still in the reaping bowl along with mine. Madge has to walk around the school with her expensive dresses, ignoring the glares of those in the Seam that could feed themselves a week with what one of her dresses is worth. Even Madge has a reason to hate the Capitol, she has to see her father read the Treaty of Treason every year, she has to love a man that pretends to love the Capitol. It cannot be easy for her. It isn't easy for anyone.

A desperate urge to prove myself and my worth to the Capitol arises in my chest, I want to scream like Danny, like Gale, I want to remind the Capitol that they don't own me. But I know that someone else does: Peeta. And he is counting on me to bring his brother back alive. "I'm sorry I didn't ask you what you thought." I say once Danny is done screaming and I've managed to subdue the rebellious feelings in my heart. "I don't want to be a Career either. But I couldn't reject his offer right in front of him, okay?"

Danny wipes his tears angrily, but his glare softens. I take this as an encouragement to take a step closer to him and to keep talking. "Just until after the bloodbath, Danny. We pretend we are on their side, steal a few things and then leave. I promise you: I won't let the Games change me." Nodding, the blond boy walks out of the roof and somehow I know I am not welcome into his bed to sing him to sleep tonight. So I sit down on a chair and stare into the lights of the Capitol as the scent of flowers surround me.

I observe the flowers carefully and recognize a few, some from the Meadow and the woods, some other from the cakes and cookies Peeta so delicately frosted. Somewhere in the floor beneath me Danny slams his door and I feel cold, alone. Never had I wished to have Peeta's arms around me as much as now, the weight of his ring can only do so much to remind me of a life in which his presence was something I didn't question.

* * *

 

I was home alone that day, and Peeta liked to say it was fate but somehow I think it was staged. I could hear his mother's rambling even though they were just walking down the street in the Seam where I lived. I wondered what had made her so mad, and what she was doing in the Seam, Mrs. Mellark wasn't know to be fond of us. Quickly I got my answer as two short, angry knocks on my door caused my head to be shot up. I panicked but opened the door anyway.

I had never seen Mrs. Mellark up close, only a few times in the City Square and through the bakery's window -I was too poor to afford bread in any other way that didn't imply trading with her husband through the backdoor- her eyes pierced me and I felt as worthless as she thought I was. Behind her stood Peeta, I knew him. Not only was he in my school, but he had saved my life once years ago. I doubted he remembered, but I could never forget.

"This worthless thing has burnt his hands badly, your mother can heal him can't she?" The woman spat, pulling me out of the memories of Peeta throwing the burnt bread to me in the rain. "Sh-she can, but she ain't home." I replied a second too late. The woman seemed angry, as if it was my mother's obligation to be at her disposal. Mrs. Mellark and Peeta turned around to leave, and it was only then when I saw Peeta's hands. I still don't know how he managed to do it, but he had burnt both of them up to almost his elbow. The skin was red and starting to blister.

"Wait!" I said, I remember my stomach had twisted into a painful knot at the sight of his injury, but I knew that in front of me stood the chance of making it up to Peeta for the burnt bread years back. I knew I could finally stop owing him. I hate owing people. "I can heal him, I know how."

* * *

 

After an hour or so of crying I head back to my quarters, strip off my clothes and curl up in a ball under the silky covers until I tire myself from thinking and I get to finally fall asleep. Effie wakes me up too soon, remind me a "big, big, big day " is waiting for me, and I know she is right. Today after lunch the private sessions with the Gamemakers will take place. I shower and get ready for breakfast. I kiss Danny's hair and he sighs, I know he is trying hard to forgive me.

Haymitch waits until I have managed to swallow something to clear his throat. Both his tributes look up to him and he eyes us attentively. "What is your second best skill?" He asks simply and I start thinking. "I'm good with knives." Danny says after a while and I nod. I had shown him how to throw in the woods and he almost always managed to hit the target, even so he isn't nearly as good as the girl from Two is, a shiver runs through my spine when she crosses my mind. "I'm quick." I say afterwards.

"Have you shown your ability in this?" Haymitch continues and I shrug, we had kept a low profile in both disciplines, and stayed away from our talent as he had instructed. "Well not today, today you  _excel_  in this, alright? The Careers want you, now you go and prove your worth to them. If this is just a trick to fool you into trusting them now you have to lure them into actually wanting you. Both of you." And I know that is for Danny, he has to prove his value to them so that I can manage to keep him alive during our short alliance.

We both nod and go off to clean our teeth before joining the rest of the tributes on the training center. Danny puts extra effort in his aim and manages to hit the bulls eye every single time. The Careers seem somewhat impressed, and I hear them talking about how we seemed to have been hiding our talents until our alliance. They think we trust them. I smirk and I challenge the girl from District 1, I learn her name is Glimmer, to a race.

The quiet girl from District Five giggles as I win the race easily and by a great distance. I high five with the boy from Two and wink an eye to Danny who cheers with the rest. For a moment they think we are part of them, for a moment they think we are part of their Games when they are only a piece of ours.


	9. The Arrow

The room empties slowly, and when Danny and I are left alone I relax visibly. I hated pretending to like the Careers, sitting at their table, laughing at their cruel jokes. And it is only then when Danny forgives me, I suppose, when he sees that I hate them as much as he does, as I always have. I pull him closer to me and rest my forehead in his hair, it doesn't smell of bread and sunlight like it used to, the scent has been wearing away to leave one of shampoo and sweat. I don't like it, when I run my hands through it no white flour powder sticks to my fingers.

Minutes later his name is called through the speakers and he stands up more steadily than I know he feels. "Knock them dead, boss." I encourage him, and he shoots me a shy smile before he disappears through the doors. I'm left alone to nibble on my nails, which I know will infuriate my prep team in two days when they have to get me ready for the interview. But I don't care.

I hear nothing, and I don't know why I expected to hear something. Maybe a round of cheers to whatever snares Danny is tying would have relaxed me, but nothing but silence surrounds me, that is until my own name is called and I jump startled. I walk to the door and take in the room before me. It has changed little from the last time I trained there, only that now it is empty and there are obvious signs of the people that have shown off their talents before me. Danny's is right there, complicated snares and traps that Gale thought him. Once again the town boy pops into my head the same moment the Seam boy does. I look up to the Gamemakers and realize I only have the attention of a few, maybe less than a quarter of the ones that stand in the observing room, the rest seem to be either drunk or on their way there.

Still I force myself to think I have every single eye on me and walk to the archery station, I stroke the bows and panic slightly, they are so different from the one my father carved. I string it and grab an arrow. I aim and I fail.

I hear some laughter behind me and I stare blankly to the arrow that seems to be mocking me, I cannot remember the last time I failed like that. I convince myself that it is only because of the bow, I am not used to it as I am to the one back at home. I shoot a few arrows to warm up and realize how stupid I was to try and show off by standing in the middle of the room.

Still, I return to the same spot and aim again, this time I shot the dummy right through the heart, but instead of listening to the cheers I turn around to realize I've lost the attention of everyone up there. Something boils inside of me, something similar to the feeling I had last night when I realized how many right Danny and everyone had to be mad at the Gamemakers. I'm raging too.

I don't even notice when I aim up at them, I only see their reactions as my arrow hits the apple in a pork's mouth, sticking it to the wall. I bow at them and mutter. "Thank you for your consideration." Before tossing the bow and arrow away from me and dismissing myself, walking towards the elevator.

For the second time in the week the ride up seems more nauseating than exhilarating.

When I arrive to my floor Danny is making Effie and Haymitch laugh as he retells his own private session, Portia and Cinna are in there too and they smile proudly at Danny. "I killed it Katniss! I did it!" The kid beams at me, and goes on saying that he even had time to show off his knives skill before he was dismissed. But he no longer has Haymitch's attention, his wise grey eyes are fixated on me while Danny keeps chattering excitedly like the kid he is, as if he has forgotten that in two days we will be thrown into an arena to kill each other with the same knives he impressed the Gamemakers with.

"What the hell did you do sweetheart?" Haymitch demands, and I wonder how obvious my expression was. He is angry, and everyone turns to me. I have to resist the urge to run away crying. "I shoot an arrow to the Gamemakers." I reply flatly, knowing there is no use in lying.

Portia gasps and Effie seems on the verge of fainting, the color drains out of Cinna and Danny's faces. "I mean not  _at_  them, in their direction I guess... they were not paying attention to me, they were drunk and eating and I got angry and shot an apple in the pork's mouth." I explain, my hands fiddling.

The silence falls heavy around us and I wonder if Danny has lost all hopes in me being capable of saving him, I only now think of the repercussions of my actions. I think of how they will punish me for what I did, will they torture my family back at Twelve? Will they make sure I never get out of that arena alive? Not that I had hopes of that happening though.

To my surprise the silence is shortly after broken by Haymitch, that blurts out laughing like a madman. He laughs so hard he has to sit down in one of the couches and as soon as he does the mood seems to lighten. Cinna and Danny join on his laughter and even Effie has to suppress a smile. "Wh-what were their expressions like?" Haymitch asks amused and I tell him about the shock in everyone's faces. "One of them even stumbled back into the punch bowl. " I say, which starts a new round of laughter.

I relax and join them. What can they do to me? I'm already a few days away from facing my death, they cannot reveal what happened inside the sessions, my family is far away and safe and I'm already in the Gamemaker's hands. Whatever they throw back at me I can handle.

We have dinner and then sit in the living room to watch the scores, the four first tributes all score a nine, which is outstanding. The foxfaced girl from five scores an eight and the mountain boy from Eleven, his name is Thresh, scores a ten. What did he do to outshine the Careers? I don't know, but I also know it doesn't help to my intentions of keeping Danny alive. To the Capitol's surprise the two 12 year olds of this year's Hunger Games -the girl from 12, Rue, and my very own Danny- manage to score an eight. The small gathering in our floor showers Danny with praises and congratulations.

I know there are only two options, either they give me the average score I deserve for my first throw and the rest of my performance, or they give me an extremely low score as a response for my anger-indulged actions. But as an eleven crosses the screen to join my picture my jaw hangs open. In the distance I hear the TV presenter talking excitedly about my score, apparently it is the first eleven in the past five years. My team cheers and I manage to close my mouth into a smile.

"I guess they liked your temper." Cinna offers as they pass around flutes of champagne, but my heart beats too loud for me to hear the rest of the talking. I look down at Danny who is laughing with Portia and I smile.

Maybe it is true I can actually do it. Maybe I can bring him back home.


	10. The Interviews

I know that the crowd's cheering must be deafening: before us the people of the Capitol scream in excitement, they chant the names of their favorites, they gossip about the rest. But I don't hear a thing. I don't hear the roar of the audience, or Caesar Flickerman's jokes that make the crowd laugh loudly, I only hear Effie's voice in my head.  _Don't slouch. One foot in front of the other. Chin up! Girl, stop frowning, give them a smile. How can you trip with this heels? They are only seven inches tall!_ Only when I successfully manage to cross the stage to sit down do I relax and hear a different voice in my head, a voice that makes my smile tense and somehow less genuine. Haymitch's voice.

* * *

All throughout my training with Effie I could hear Danny making my mentor laugh, the interview would be a piece of cake for him. He was simply adorable, funny and witty, just like Peeta. The audience would be in his pocket the second he opened his mouth. When Danny exited the room to allow me to rehearse my interview, Haymitch's smile disappeared in a heartbeat. I wouldn't be that easy and he knew it.

"If you want that boy to survive you better make them love you... adore you."

But being adorable isn't my strength, nor it is to be sexy, or sarcastic or anything that could get the audience to love me. Haymitch even implies that had I not screamed my lungs out in the reaping he would have made me pretend I was mute. After three hours of having him criticize my every attempt to win over the audience that was what broke me. I stood and slapped the glass of liquor away from his hand, he didn't even glare at me as I started making my way out.

"There's a ring in your finger, somehow you've managed to convince that kid's brother that you are slightly more charming than a dead slug. Whatever you did on him sweetheart, try that tomorrow, or you are dead. Both of you." He said the second before I slammed the door shut.

* * *

The interviews go by in a blur to me, Cato gives the audience a very visual description on how he can kill a person with his own hands, Foxface flashes everyone a witty smile and assures them she is the smartest one of the twenty four tributes, and somehow I believe that to be true. The crippled boy from Ten starts crying when he gets asked about his strategy and I see the boy from One flexing his muscles, smirking. While Rue charms everyone with her sweet voice and big eyes, pretending to be honored and proud of her score (yet refusing to reveal her secret talent) the boy from her district, Thresh spits a few monosyllabic answers and goes back to his seat without saying pretty much anything. If only I was big and scary like him and I could go by being cryptic.

Danny gets called to the front and he waves to the crowd, he seems genuinely excited and the glow in his eyes make the Capitol people fall for him immediately. They are on the palm of his hand already and the boy hasn't even opened his mouth.

"Daniel Mellark..." Caesar begins as he sits down, his toes barely touch the ground. Adorable.

"Danny." He corrects him smiling widely. "My friends call me Danny." The audience aw and Caesar's hand flies to his chest, above his heart. "Ladies and gentleman may I present you my new best friend Danny?" The cheering is deafening and I smile sincerely for the first time in the evening. Caesar asks my fellow tribute about his clothes and Danny compliments Portia for the comfortable black suit with sparkly flame designs and laughs as he thanks her for not setting him on fire again, this brings a wave of laughter out of the audience.

"You and your partner seem to be great friends, care to tell me a little more about that?" He asks, even though I know everyone in the Capitol is aware already of the relationship between us both. "She's my sister." He replies so sincerely it brings a pang to my very own heart. "You see, she and my brother have been dating a year, but before that he wouldn't shut up about her! So we could say I've been hearing everything about the great Katniss Everdeen since I was born. She's the bravest person I know." I see my own face in the screens and the obvious blush in my cheeks as the audience laughs, I wave at them slightly while thinking of Peeta. Is he blushing too? Or is he too nervous to amuse himself with his brother's teasing?

Caesar asks Danny about his opinion on the Capitol, and the kid is smart enough to talk eloquently about how much he loves the furniture, the colors, the people. I can feel my heart twisting at the fluent lies he speaks, and I know Gale must find it despicable too. But it's our best chance at winning. It's just a bigger team of Careers we need on our side.

Soon enough the buzz goes off and the audience boos, wanting more of the obvious favorite so far. The other tributes glare at him as he makes his way back to his seat and Caesar calls me to stage. I ruffle his hair as we cross each other and he pouts, the crowd goes mad.

"Well well well, if it isn't the great Katniss Everdeen." He starts and I laugh, covering my hand with my left hand, the small rock in the ring flashes the audience. "I wish I had gone first, now I will never live up to Danny's praises about me. I'm not that great." I murmur, from the corner of my eye I see Cinna nodding. But no one is paying attention to my words, they are all looking at the ring. "What do we have here?" Caesar asks intrigued and my stomach twists.

I don't want to talk about Peeta, I don't want to talk about home. I want to be with him, go back. My relationship with him is something I've always judged private, never letting anyone, not even Prim, in. But I knew the Capitol had to know about it in order to root for us.

"It's an engagement ring." I say, and my voice is somewhat choked. "Peeta, Danny's brother, gave it to me before I left."

After a long, loud and joint gasp everyone in the auditorium falls silent. You could hear a pin fall. No one dares break the moment, not even Caesar, but I know I have to. I have to talk, I have to win them over. I have to pull them into my sad, sad story. "He knew I had no intention of coming back to him, and he just wanted to hear it once." I whisper.

"Hear what?" Caesar asks, and he seems to have forgotten about the interview, about the people. He desperately wants to know, and I know every single soul in Panem wants to too. I silently beg Peeta to forgive me for spilling our most intimate secret.

"That I'm his wife." I say, and not until Caesar offers me a handkerchief do I realize I have started tearing up. I hate myself for it, but accepting the handkerchief I turn straight to the camera and pretend that I have Peeta in front of me. This is so unlike me I start wondering if anyone back home will buy it. But I know Peeta will see it, and he has to hear it. "I'm your wife, Peeta Mellark. And as a wedding gift... I'm bringing your brother back."


	11. The Ones Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Peeta POV, as requested. Thank you for the love!

A knock on the door makes me look up, I've been furiously pounding on the dough for a good half an hour. I don't even know if it's useful for any bread now, but it is helping me let out my anger. I didn't expect anyone showing up today at our door, I thought they would give us a break. After all not one but two members of our family are going into the arena today.

I wipe my hands in my apron, rub the dark circles under my eyes and open the door to reveal no other than Gale Hawthorne. He seems as surprised as I am. I know he doesn't like me, just the way I don't like him. Before he even knew it he was my competition, he was always by her side, he took care of her and her family, he was her best friend and I had never hoped to compete with that. The look in his eyes every time he looked at her made me believe they were together, but it had turned out differently. I knew Gale wasn't fond of that.

"I thought it was your dad." He says after a moment and I shrug. "He's upstairs." I realize it is the first time we exchange more than a simple 'hello', even though he is still part of Katniss' life I know he does his best to avoid me, even though I always make sure Katniss has enough bread to take some to his house, and more than once have his brothers followed her like ducklings into my bakery. "I brought you game." He says, handing me a bag similar to the one Katniss always carried with her, if not the same one and I take it. "Hold on, I'll give you some bread." I say, turning around and leaving the door open. It's cold enough outside for him to give in and step inside, I'm positive it is the first time he does.

I had baked some raisin's bread for my parents, but I know they will probably be too upset to eat, so I give it all to Gale, and I know he is about to protest but I don't pull away my hand. Gale is a very fair person, and he knows that all the bread I'm offering to him is worth more than whatever meat he brought me. "It's what she would have wanted." I say and he yanks the bread out of my hands. "Don't talk about her as if she was already dead." Gale growls, and I know it in my heart that he blames me for her death as much as I blame myself.

I purse my lips and nod, looking down to my shoes and I hear him making his way out, but before he leaves my mouth opens and I make sure to hurt him as much as I am hurting. "He would have done the same thing for Rory, you know?" When I look out Gale is glaring at me, the hatred in his eyes is obvious, and I feel sorry for him. What would I have felt if Katniss had said she loved him on national television? But even like that I can't make myself apologize.

So he leaves, with his bread and his hate. I punch the table, hard.

* * *

I flex my fingers once again, it hurts and I'm sure I've broken at least one of them but I don't care. It doesn't hurt half as much as it does to think of Katniss and Danny, especially the first. I have no doubt on her ability to bring my brother back home, especially after I saw the determination in her eyes last night.

For the first time since the reaping I am making my way to the Seam, I haven't seen Prim or Mrs. Everdeen ever since their Katniss vowed to die to save my brother, I shiver at the thought of how much they must hate me. But I can only think of how much Katniss would hate me herself if I allowed her baby sister to starve.

I knock on their door carefully, almost hesitantly, and minutes later Prim opens the door. Katniss has always insisted that Prim looks nothing like her, that while she has olive skin and grey eyes like many others in the Seam, her sister's eyes are blue and his blonde hair shines at sunlight, she used to joke about her being more like me than her. But something about the girl's look when she opens the door reminds me so much of Katniss I feel as if someone has punched me in the stomach.

Someone else punches me again when she takes a step forward to hug me tightly. She is so tiny, and fragile that I am afraid of breaking her when I close my arms around her. "Hi there, little duck." I say, calling her by the nickname Katniss and Danny gave her, and it is just then when she starts sobbing.

"Prim who is it?" I can hear her mother asking from the inside and I clear my throat. "It's just me, Peeta. I brought you guys some bread." The woman pops into my vision and she smiles sadly at me when she sees that Prim still refuses to let go of me. "Well come in then, silly." She says and I sigh relieved once I realize they don't hate me like Gale does. Like I do.

* * *

It isn't the first time I sit down in our old couch to watch the Hunger Games, in the small and almost never useful TV the commentators are rambling about her and Danny. It is the first time someone enters the arena without intentions of getting out. My mother is on another couch, fiddling with something that I cannot see, but I think it's a sock of when Danny was a baby. My father and I stare into the television blankly, pretending not to wince whenever a picture of Danny is shown.

Soon after, the longest 60 seconds of my life begin: the camera makes a turn to allow us a 360° view of the Arena, I can feel the mood in the room relaxing noticeably when we see the forest behind Katniss, if there are trees and animals to shoot we know she can make it, which means Danny will be safe. Danny is closer to the forest than she is, and I can see her looking around, trying to take in everything she can before the minute ends, she spots Danny but quickly looks away. Between Cato and the tribute from Nine, Danny seems minuscule, and for a second I panic at the thought of one of them, if not both, going after him as soon as the gong goes off, it would be an easy kill... too easy.

They make close ups of every tribute as they focus, but I cannot help but notice how Danny and Katniss spend more time in the screen than anyone else, it has been this way ever since the Parade. Even during the interviews the cameramen couldn't help but to show her once in a while, she looked so beautiful in her fire-like dress. And when she blushed it had only helped to make her look even more heartbreakingly gorgeous, if only she had blushed for any other thing. I hated to think that our relationship was now the Capitol's hot topic.

I don't notice I have trailed off until the gong goes off and I'm thrown back into reality, Cato and the rest of the Careers storm to the Cornucopia, and instead of killing my brother Cato kills the boy from Nine, even though Danny is right there, defenseless. The little blonde boy doesn't waste time, he runs off to the forest where he knows he is safe, and my parents sigh in relief, but I don't because Katniss isn't heading there. When my parents realize that she isn't following him they tense again.

Katniss runs into the Cornucopia, and I yell at her even though she cannot hear me, passes by many backpacks that for sure held useful things, she dodges a few knives and continues to run towards the bloodbath, not giving the boy she had vowed to protect a single glance. The bloodbath is everything it is expected to be, and before anyone notices five tributes are dead and Katniss is responsible for one of them, she got her hands into a bow and arrow and shot one through the girl from Nine. My father's jaw drops when he realizes why she has done it, the girl tribute was about to attack Cato, who pats Katniss' shoulder when he realizes she saved him.

It is as if the silence that for sure has fallen in the City Square, where people that don't have a television are watching, has made its way into our house, the silence is so heavy it threatens to make my chest explode, and it's cold. It makes shivers run down my spine. Katniss looks around the Cornucopia as the heat of the bloodbath dies off and she cheers with the rest.

"She is one of the Careers." My father chokes out.


	12. The Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I made people cry with my last two chapters? I'm so sorry (not sorry). But I am also **very** grateful for the comments and kudos. Keep them up guys!  
>  With this I finish the reposting of the chapters in fanfiction.net And I will publish a brand new chapter later today. Unfortunately I can't promise I will be posting new chapters everyday but I can promise at least three a week. Thanks again guys!

"Danny!" I call out once I make sure it is safe for him to come out. That was the plan we discussed with Haymitch, firstly because we had no reason to believe the Careers would keep their part of the deal, and even if they didn't attack Danny I wouldn't have been able to focus if he had been in there during the bloodbath. Therefore, we decided he would run as soon as the gong went off and I would keep my own part of the deal with Cato, convincing the Careers that I was one of them. Danny was not to go too far away, just somewhere where he could safely wait for my signal.

Before calling him, I, along with the others, started stripping the fallen tributes from their jackets and weapons, we've piled everything in a neat pile to sort later, now we have to clear the zone for the hovercrafts to take away the bodies. I hope Danny didn't see me kill the girl that lays lifelessly beside the Cornucopia. But I'm pretty sure my family back home did, I shiver.

After the third time I call him I start panicking and turn around to tell Cato I'm on my way to go after him before a pair of blue eyes stare back at me from the forest, I read the eyes in front of me and sigh, wishing I could do what he wants me to, what he begs me to. He wants me to disappear into the woods with him, leaving the Careers behind. And I know that it isn't a stupid idea, now that I have a bow and arrow I could protect us both, provide for us both. Still, something inside me makes me stick to the plan.

"Come here, boss. It's all clear." I reassure him, letting him know that for the moment being we are still Careers. I can hear him sighing, yet he comes out of the shadows and walks to me to give me a hug. I hold him close and kiss his hair. "It will be over before you know it." And not even I know if I'm talking about lying to the Careers or about the Games.

I hear the hovercrafts coming to retrieve the bodies, and I keep Danny locked in my arms so he doesn't have to see them, even though I know he has seen plenty of them in previous Hunger Games. Once the last one disappears we make our way to the Cornucopia, where everyone has started calling dibs on the weapons. Danny grabs two knives before Clove, the girl from Two, does. She glares at him but Cato ruffles the kid's hair as if he was proud of him. My stomach twists and I know Danny's did too, as well as the one of our families back home. I can only imagine what they must be thinking, what they must have thought when I killed the girl to protect a tribute I am supposed to hate. I try not to think of Prim. 

There are more spare arrows, and I now own a grand total of thirty of them, along with some rope I stuff in my jacket when no one is looking, according to Haymitch the Careers are not to know about our ability with snares, that way when we do leave them behind they won't know it is us if they find one of Danny's traps.

Glimmer and I start dividing the rest of the weapons from the food, once we have two separate piles Cato turns to the kid of District Three. He is just fourteen and still shaking from seeing his female partner die by the hands of Clove, but somehow he has managed to stick with the Careers until now. "You sure you can do it?" Cato asks, and we all look at the pair confused, but the other nods firmly. "It will be done before sunset."

* * *

Cato, Clove, Glimmer, Marvel and the girl from Four are fighting, the echoes of the cannons are long gone and they are already eager to go out to kill some more, but no one wants to be left behind watching over the boy from Three that is still working on the mines that are supposed to protect our food from intruders. Cato told us that as soon as the mines are set and ready we will all be able to leave the camp unattended and go off hunting together, he also plans on killing the intellectual author as soon as he is done. Until then someone has to stay over and watch the food, so Danny and I volunteer to do it.

The tributes from One seem to be reluctant to leave us alone, but Cato reminds them I've already saved his life once today and they go out to quench their thirst for blood. Danny seems to visibly relax once they are gone, but I don't. I grab five empty bottles and walk with him to the lake, we fill them with water and treat them with some chlorine that was in a backpack, we give one to the boy and ask for his name, it's Lee. Two of the bottles we hide in a bag where we sneakily put everything that would be useful for us if we decide to run away unexpectedly.

We sit against the Cornucopia watching Lee work, drinking the other two bottles of water and eating some dry fruit that was in the food pile. For a moment it could have been be easy to forget that we are here to kill or get killed. The lake and forest are beautiful and I almost feel back at home every time I fill my lungs with the pure air, it's a nice change against that dreadful thing Effie calls air conditioning.

"Are you sure about this Katniss?" Danny whispers, repeating the question I've heard a thousand times on the past twenty four hours. "I am." I repeat to him, that lie is starting to sound alarmingly true, even to me. "Right now we are as safe as can be. When they come back I'll pretend to be asleep so that I can take the first watch tonight. We'll steal some more food, wake up someone so they can take over the watch because I'm falling asleep... They'll think we trust them. They already do but that should be enough to convince them."

Danny frowns and nods, his eyes are on Lee, as if trying to make sure he isn't listening to us. Smart kid, I tell you. "And then?" His gaze now falls on me and I open my mouth to tell him I have no idea, but I know that if I do he will go on asking me to leave now. "Then tomorrow we ask them what the plan is and we decide from there." I reply, amazing even myself with the plan.

For the first time today I hope we are being filmed, I hope that whatever it is that the other tributes are doing isn't as interesting as us. If my family has already seen me murder someone today, along with laughing with the rest of the Careers, I want them to know I'm only doing it to save Danny. I want everyone to know that I am not one of them. But I know it is impossible for me to go back to who I used to be.

* * *

The sound of the cannon wakes up Danny, who has curled up against me and fallen asleep as I watch Lee continue to work relentlessly. He has first dug out every single one of the mines that surround the podiums we started the Games in, then he started working on them. I would have offered my help if I didn't fear I'd blow us all to pieces if I tried. I can see in Danny's blue eyes that he is having a hard time remembering what we are doing here, but when he remembers his first words are "That's six." And I sigh, he is too young to wake up to the indicator that someone else is dead. He is way too young to associate someone's death with his odds of going back home. "I hope it wasn't Rue." He says next and I shiver. "Me too."

"Katniss?" The next time Danny speaks he sounds older again, wiser. And I hope no one is recording us, I hope Peeta isn't listening to what the Capitol has done to his sweet little brother. "Katniss... what if we are the last two?"


	13. The Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and the kudos, you really make my day!

I can see my own shocked expression reflected in his blue eyes. Damn those sapphire Mellark eyes! It's impossible to look into them and escape from yourself, that's the thing with the baker's sons: I can never lie to them. So I go for the cowardly thing to do and tear my eyes off him, into the woods as if I was looking for something there, and in fact I am, but I know I won't get the words I need by staring into the trees. I know now for sure that this is being broadcasted, that question is so loaded I know all Panem must be at the verges of their seats.

It's not like I hadn't seen that question coming, in fact Haymitch had thrown it to me on various occasions. But there was always a door for me to slam between us. I can't walk away from Danny, not here. I haven't allowed myself to even consider that possibility, especially because of the alarming fact that it's the most plausible scenario. Only the best tributes remain at the end, and if I want Danny to leave the Arena not only in one piece but with a clear conscience then I have to be the best. I cannot let Cato kill me off and leave the twelve-year old to fend for himself once they are the last two. _Alliances are disgusting. How do you know when it is okay to stop caring for your ally? Someone can only have your back in the Arena for so long._ Gale's words echo in my head and I want to bury my face in my hands to shield it from Danny's gaze and the cameras that are for sure awaiting my reply

Volunteering as a tribute counts as a suicide, and I am well aware of that. But it's a whole different thing to step forward to defend my brother than to hold a knife to my own throat.

I feel a hundred years older when I finally speak. "To make it to the last two we have to make it to the last eight first, and to the last sixteen before that. Let's take things one step at a time, alright boss?" When I finally dare return his gaze I know he is not pleased with my answer, but he lets it go, which makes me think that maybe he doesn't want to think about it either. No one does.

* * *

By the time Cato and the others come back Lee is done working and we are sitting together near a campfire, I try to look at the bright side and enjoy the warmth radiating from the fire. Once we abandon the careers we won't be able to sit calmly around a delicious fire to keep warm; in the dark nights, fires mean death, and I won't lose Danny for a mistake as stupid as that. We are taking sleeping bags when we leave.

They are still talking about the tribute they just killed, the girl from Eight, _joking_ about it would be more precise. And once they are close enough to us they sit around the fireplace and recount with juicy details the last moments of the girl. I have to refrain myself from covering Danny's ears, so I focus on not seeming disgusted and laugh at the supposedly humorous remarks Marvel adds to Glimmer's story. Danny keeps quiet and works on his dried fruit. No one mentions it.

Around an hour later the sky is dark enough for the Capitol's seal to be projected among the stars. If I think about it, it feels as if the day has been shortened, and I know it is a possibility seeing that the Gamemakers control everything in the Arena, but I'm glad to see we've provided a day interesting enough not to throw at us some artificial catastrophe that makes us run for our lives... yet.

Six tributes are dead, the girl from Three, the boys from Four and Five, the girl from Eight and both tributes from Nine.  Even when we knew she was alive, both Danny and I relax when Rue's face is absent from the sky.

* * *

I volunteer to take the first watch, so Marvel and I find ourselves sitting together by the fire. In the Cornucopia there were a few tents and the Careers have set them, everything is so quiet I am able to hear all their breathings. I can easily identify Danny's, he is sleeping alone on the tent closest to us, awaiting for me to complete my shift.

Marvel is actually very funny, when he isn't talking about murder. He manages to make me laugh honestly a few times and that scares me. Because I am afraid that the longer I hang out with him the more difficult it will be to kill him if it comes to it. I'm taken back to a day in the woods were Gale and I sat, giving it time for the animals to fall into our snares.

_"Could you ever kill a person?" I asked, because if someone was famous for asking morbid questions, that would be me._

_Gale remained silent for a moment, even though I knew he already had his answer. "What's the difference from killing an animal anyway? I don't kill them because I want to, or because it's fun, or because I enjoy violence, you know that. We kill because we have to, to survive. So if it came to it I would kill a person, and it wouldn't be any different." As always he spoke fluently, as if he had memorized his whole answer. "And you?"_

_I kept my silence, and stared forward without giving him a reply. Hours later before we crossed the fence to get back into the district he looked me dead in the eye and said "If you have to kill someone to survive, they are monsters, Catnip. And that doesn't really make them any different from animals."_

Cato wakes up, and him and Clove take our places. Marvel smiles at me and waves goodbye, I catch myself waving back. Only when I'm in the safety of the tent, away from cameras and fake allies, do I allow my face to break down. I bite my fist not to scream. I keep my sobs quiet not to wake up Danny, who sleeps peacefully in a sleeping bag next to me.

When my sobs finally subdue, and I'm preparing myself to get my fist out of my mouth to go to sleep, the unmistakable noise of a neck breaking is followed by a high five and some chuckles. A canon goes off and Danny gasps in his sleep. I keep quiet and he goes back to his rhythmic breathing.

I hear Cato and Clove dumping the corpse of the boy from Three somewhere, and soon after the hovercraft comes to collect it. _I should have never asked for his name._ I realize.

Because that is what makes them different from animals. They might be monsters, but I know their names. I know they can smile, I know they can laugh. I lack Gale's ability to see everything black and white, both Marvel and Lee and even myself are in dark shades of gray, and I can't force myself to ignore the white on them. I try not to vomit when I think of the girl whom I killed earlier this day and I find myself biting my fist hard again. Blood runs down my knuckles but I don't care.

Because if Gale is right then I am a monster too.


	14. The Message

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I'm so sorry. I was supposed to update this on Saturday but life got in the way. Thank you so much for your kudos and your comments <3 Hopefully you'll like this chapter.

We manage to stay away from hunting the next day too, human hunting that is. I know it is only a matter of time before we cannot get away from it anymore, but at least for now we manage. We convinced Cato that fresh meat would be ten times better than dry fruit and berries, and Marvel offered to come hunting with us. By sunset two more cannons had gone off and we were feasting on rabbits and ducks I had shot, Marvel amazed me with his knowledge on plants and we even found some apples.

Later that day, when the Capitol's seal dies off and I manage to stop staring at the sky, trying to forget the faces of the tribute's Cato and Clove have killed, Marvel clears his throat.

"What you said in the interview, it wasn't just a strategy. Was it? You really do care about the boy." The Arena is silent, I can only hear the breathing from the sleeping careers, of Danny, and of the boy next to me. I don't answer, he doesn't ask again.

When Glimmer and the girl from Four ― Lara, I did not want to know that ― wake up to take our places, Marvel leans in to kiss me and I freeze. He whispers something in my ear before kissing my cheek chastely, and I know the kiss was just a way to disguise the fact that he wanted to say something private. Privacy is not a luxury you can afford in the Arena.

I disappear into my tent and try to scrub off his lips from my skin, but even when I sort of manage to wipe it off I can't stop replaying his words in my head. _He is not safe here._

* * *

The next day we cannot hide away from hunting. Glimmer is amazed with my archery skills and I offer to teach her, making sure to be a lousy teacher just in case she gets her hands on a bow, I wouldn't want her to have some sort of advantage once the Career and us part ways. But around midday Cato stops us. "It would be ten times more useful if you used those arrows to kill tributes. You already proved your talent, now prove your worth." I swallow, and give him a sharp nod. He smirks so wide I'm afraid his cheeks might break, but they don't. Instead he lets us know we leave in ten minutes.

When we are fixing our packs for the hunt a parachute falls from the sky. It's small, silver and it falls right at my feet so I know it must be mine. Confused, I grab it, trying to ignore everyone's eyes on me. Haymitch isn't one to give random gifts, and I know that whatever it is that is inside the pot is not a token of his appreciation, but an instruction. There is no other reason why he would send me anything at the moment, Danny and I are well fed, none of us are injured.

Inside there's a small, blue, empty canteen. Just like the ones that we found in the Cornucopia. Everybody quickly loses interest but Danny and me, I frown intently at the gift. "Why would he send you that?"

"Maybe he got drunk during the bloodbath and he failed to see we have plenty canteens here." Glimmer snickers and they all laugh, but I don't. 

Haymitch is trying to tell _me_ something, not Danny, not us. He wants me to do something, so I shoot a look at the sky, trying to let him know that I have no idea what he wants. I can almost see him roll his eyes at my incompetence.

I open my backpack to drop the canteen inside and suddenly I know what Haymitch wants from me, so I prepare accordingly.

* * *

 

In a way, hunting for humans isn't as different as hunting for animals. And the Careers rather suck at it. Cato goes first, pretending he knows how track, but he only catches the obvious ― extinguished fireplaces, footprints, forgotten belongings ― I know Gale is probably rolling his eyes at him right now, if it had been my best friend looking, he would have easily spotted the broken branches that clearly said someone had spent the night there, he would have followed the rustling noise that indicate someone fled from us.

Sadly, Cato isn't as bad at tracking as the other tributes are bad at covering their tracks.

We've been following a track for hours now, and finally Lara spots a brunette head on a tree, the frightened boy tribute trembles when he spots the quite big Career pack gathering around his hideout. _Please don't join the dots, please don't join the dots. Please try to climb and get the kill yourself, Cato. Please._  But my silent pleas do nothing, and after studying the situation for a moment Cato smirks once again and bumps his shoulder against mine. "It's yours, archer."

Danny's eyes dart open and for a moment I'm afraid they will pop out of his head, I only allow myself to look into his eyes for a second, when he shakes his head I look up to the kid from Ten ― at least I think he is from Ten, or probably Seven. I grab an arrow from my quiver and tense my bow. "Don't look. " I instruct Danny, but maybe I am saying that to Peeta and to Prim too.

Adrenaline rushes through my veins, my mind is desperately trying to find a solution. Maybe I should miss the shot? I would risk losing an arrow that could come in handy later. And the shot is so easy even Glimmer could kill him, I won't fool them. There is no way I can run away fast enough for the Careers not to kill me, and I can't leave Danny behind. There is no other way. I have to kill him.

In the end, I needn't shoot to kill him. The tribute is crying, and desperately tries to escape his imminent death by climbing higher on the tree, as if I would miss. I ready myself to let go of the arrow the moment his hand wraps around a fragile branch and I yell "No!" In a second he drops down to the ground and I yank Danny backwards so the body won't crush him.

My heartbeat is loud and erratic, and I know I will never be able to shake the image of the boy falling to his death because of me. Because he was _scared_ _of me._

Danny buries his face on my chest, but the Careers quickly form a circle around the fallen tribute, kicking the body and joking about him. "I thought he was going to shit his pants!" "Well, maybe he did!" Their laughter scares away some birds and I shiver, unable to contain the tears on my eyes.

It doesn't take them long to realize something is missing.

"Where's the cannon? It should have gone off when he fell."

"He's still alive!"

I see Cato lift his arm to fix the situation, and decide that Haymitch is right. I pull back from Danny's embrace and press a finger to my lips. We turn around before the sword falls on the kid, and by the time the Careers turn to share their Victory with us, both the echo of the cannon and us are long gone.

* * *

I don't allow Danny to slow down until we have been running for a good hour or so. We come across a fallen tree and sit on it, panting. I open the backpack and offer Danny a canteen full of water, just like the one Haymitch sent us.

"He wanted us to leave." He finally realizes, and I nod.

He gives it a drink and hands it to me, I give it a small gulp and return the canteen to the backpack. I can't afford the luxury of quenching my thirst entirely anymore. Other than the lake I haven't seen a single source of water. And I have a funny feeling we are not welcome near the Career camp anymore.

"I knew you wouldn't do it." He whispers, resting his head in my shoulder.

My heart stops for a moment. Because that makes only one of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not beta'd so all mistakes are mine! Feel free to point them out babes (:


	15. The Calm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I promise I'll post the chapter at a decent hour. But here it is!  
> As always, thank you so so much for your comments and kudos <3 Expect a new chapter on Thursday!

That night I don't sleep. I've helped Danny climb a tree with me, and we are both securely tied down to a wide branch, covered in a sleeping bag I managed to take with me without the Careers noticing. How Haymitch knew it was the right moment for us to flee I don't know. But somehow he did, and I will make sure Danny thanks him for it when they see each other again.

Even when we are as safe as it can be ― the tree's foliage cover us from anyone walking beneath us, and my hand is clenching the bow tightly, ready to point at anyone that so much as breathes near us― I can't bring myself to relax. For the first time I'm genuinely scared for my life.

When we were at the Careers camp I had almost felt _safe._ I knew I was valuable for them, and that they knew touching Danny meant the end of the alliance. Now we are on our own, and somehow I don't think Cato is going to take our betrayal lightly. 

Danny is asleep by the time the face of the boy from Ten pops in the sky, I know he is too tired from having ran earlier and I don't wake him. What for? Nothing he says will comfort me, I am just not the person he sees anymore. Not the girl that showed him how to throw a knife out of boredom and not necessity one Saturday, not the girl that _sometimes_ would allow herself a giggle or two when she was only around him and his brother.

In a way I'm glad I am not getting out of the Arena. With images like the girl from Nine with my arrow on her chest and the boy from Ten falling to his death because of me, I don't want to ever leave the Arena. At least here I have a reason to push away those dark thoughts. Keeping Danny alive occupies my mind enough not to be entertained enough by somber images, I can't let them slow me down.

How could I live with myself if I woke up in the Victor's Village, to clean sheets and luxurious furniture? How could I ever get over the lives I've taken if I was reminded of them every day at every moment? How would I remain sane knowing I couldn't keep Danny alive?

I know I promised him that I would win if he died, that I wouldn't take all of Peeta's family at once. But the thought strikes me that maybe he has already lost me. I will never be the girl he fell in love with, and after seeing what he's seen of me I wouldn't blame him if he didn't run straight into my arms when I stepped off the train.

Even though I have already said goodbye to him, it's the first time I realize I've lost him. The thought makes me want to throw myself from the tree, but I don't.

* * *

As soon as the sun starts peeking in the sky I wake Danny up. He rubs his eyes and sits up against the rough bark behind us. I manage a half-smile for him and hand him some dry fruit I have in the backpack. I only have three more packages of those left, and two of dry meat. I know I'll have to hunt soon, but this time I won't have Gale, or even Marvel, to have my back. I will be entirely on my own while trying to protect Danny from anything that attacks us.

"What's the plan?" He asks when we are done with the fruit.

"I was thinking we could keep a low profile for now. Walk some more, get as far away from the Careers camp as we can and then wait." Sooner or later I will have to kill again, but I don't feel ready to even think about it just yet. So I will just try and recover some of the peace we had until last afternoon. Maybe we could find a cave or something. A good hideout to wait for another plan.

Danny nods and I smile at him more honestly this time. At least he doesn't argue.

"Just give me a second, I'm going to try and make out where we are." Easily, I achieve what the boy at Ten died doing: I climb.  I didn't pick the tree we slept at randomly, but because it was one of the tallest and the best for climbing. I almost make it to the top before I realize the branches are too weak for my weight. It doesn't matter, I can see the lake from where I am. I know what direction _not_ to go to. Other than that, I have no idea on what route to take. I see no other bodies of water, and that worries me.

I know that the tributes out there need water to survive, and none attempted to approach the lake while I was on watch. But still.

I join Danny again and we carefully we make our way down the tree. He insists on carrying the backpack and I accept, that way my quiver rests more comfortably on my back and I can shoot faster if I need to.

Since any direction is as good as any, I start walking on the opposite direction to the lake with Danny in front of me. I'm not in a hunting mode, so the way he steps on broken branches doesn't bother me. Still, I keep my eyes open for any animals I see in case I can shoot down dinner.

The day dies away soon, and I manage to shoot a turkey which we cook as the sun sets, I know there are little chances anyone saw the fire, but I make sure there is no trace of a fireplace before we find a tall tree to spend the night in.

No faces are the sky this night, and even though deep down I'm relieved no one died. I also know that it means my stay in the Arena is stretching, and I don't know how long I can take that.

* * *

We manage to survive one more day without being seen or seeing anyone, but on my sixth day on the Arena I realize that I've  overestimated the Gamemakers and the people of the Capitol. I shouldn't have expected them to allow their favorites to have a low profile, and with no deaths on the past two days they must be bloodthirsty by now.

I only realize that when the sky suddenly darkens and I stop out of instinct, just to watch a lightning touch ground a few feet from my position. I stumble backwards and look at the sky. The black storm clouds promise me a nightmare, and I know I'm right when another lightning hits the tree on my left. This are Gamemaker-produced lightning, I'm positive. They are a strategy to spice up the games.

Thunder roars and in the midst of it a canon is heard, that makes me move again. I have no way of knowing where a lightning will strike, but I vaguely remember something about zigzagging, and keeping away from threes... and water.

I grab Danny's hand and drag the terrified kid with me as I make a wobbly line through the trees, trying to keep as far from them as I can.  Danny is crying and I remember how he used to tiptoe from his room to Peeta's during thunderstorms. Unfortunately there is no time for me to reassure him that everything is going to be okay.

One after the other the fires catch fire around us, except the ones we've left behind. _They are pushing us towards the Lake._ I realize. _They are trying to bring us all together._

I panic, Danny is tugging on my hand trying to get away from the fire. Thunder deafens me, but with a sudden flash of light caused by another lightning something catches my eye. I turn to Danny and press both my hands to his shoulders. "Do you trust me?"

He looks at me as if I have gone mad, and maybe I have. But he nods anyway.

I grab his hand tightly and walk straight into the fire.


	16. The Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is late!! The past few days have been rough, but here is a long-ish chapter to make it up for you guys <3  
> Thank you for your patience, your comments and your kudos. You rock!

Walking through a wall of fire is probably the most treacherous thing I've ever done, and coming from a girl who pretty much daily broke the law to hunt in the dangerous woods, well, I think that counts for something. The worst part is not actually to walk _through_ it, but what comes _after_ that. Even when crossing it takes no more than two or three seconds, my hair manages to catch on fire, and so do some of our clothes.

I push Danny into the cave I spotted before running into the fire, and quickly we put the fire off our clothes. He cries and pushes his face into my chest. I hold him tight, even though the corporal heat begs me to let go. I don't.

Once the sky clears and there seems to be no danger of being burnt to death I coarse Danny outside to examine our wounds. Our arms and legs have some damage, and a good part of my hair burned down, but it's Danny's face that took the worst part. A good portion of his cheek is red and blistering, I'm afraid to touch it.

"It doesn't hurt that much." He promises me, but I know he is lying.

It doesn't ease the guilt.  

* * *

For the first time since we entered the Arena, Danny refuses completely to do something I say.

"My hands hurt, and I'm tired, and I want to sleep in the cave. I can't climb, Katniss. Not tonight." And just like that, the baker's son enters the cave and stubbornly sits down, arms crossed and everything. The sudden urge to yell at him, to order him to get up and climb with me so we can be safe consumes me. But I know that the whole world is watching, and our life depends on how well liked we are in the Capitol. I have to keep being the loving, tender sister that helps him out, and I have to remember I already got him burnt down today. I don't think I'm one of the Capitol's favorites right now, but hopefully Danny is making all the Capitol women swoon and eager to help him.

"Fine then." I say eventually, dropping my arms to the sides. He doesn't relax his posture, and I know he doesn't trust me to be saying the truth. "You've got your knives?" I ask him and he gives me a confused nod. "Alright, I'm going to go hunting and then I will be back. Stay hidden, alright?"

Panic flashes through his eyes, and I want to tell him to come with me. But he forges a brave face and nods.

Even though I'm far more quiet and faster without Danny, it's still not my best hunting trip. Fortunately, neither my bow nor my arrows have suffered any damage with the fire, so I quietly try to track some animals, but the fire has scared most of them away. I manage to hit a rabbit, but that's it. I spot a wild pig, but he runs away when I accidentally step on a branch, I could easily catch up with him, but I don't want to get far from the cave.

I feel trapped. Not only I am inside a fishbowl, the whole world watching me. But not even inside that fishbowl can I move freely. But I can't give up Danny, that thought never crosses my mind.

* * *

 

As I have already done something really stupid today, and I'm about to do another stupidity ― indulging Danny's tantrums about sleeping at ground level ― I decide to do another stupid thing and I light a fire outside the cave, even though the sun is setting. My bow sits right beside me, and I'm ready to take down anyone who so much as approaches us, but I hope that everyone is too busy licking their wounds to actually come after us.

The night falls, and Danny leaves his spot at the back of the cavern to join me as I finish cooking the squirrel. He accepts his half and we start eating as Panem's anthem begins. Tonight there are two faces projected. First is Lara's, the girl from District 4 that formed part of the Careers, the girl that had kept guard while I slept. Again I find myself wishing I hadn't found out about her name. And then the face from the girl from Ten shows up, the seal of the Capitol remains a few seconds on the sky to only  leave space for the stars after.

"You think both died during the storm?" Danny asks after a while and I nod.

"I only heard one canon, but I'm guessing the thunder drowned the other." I reply, and we both focus on eating in silence.

The squirrel is gone too fast, and my stomach rumbles. The exercise of the day begs me for more food, but there is none. Instead I try to quench my thirst with two sips of water before handing the canteen to Danny. He takes four long gulps and I don't stop him, I can't find in myself the strength to do so. But I know I need to find water soon.

* * *

"Can you sing for me Katniss?" Danny whispers from behind me.

I'm sitting by the cave's entrance, next to the fire, and he is curled up in a ball inside the sleeping bag he's laid at the back of the cave. His words make their way into my brain slowly, and I freeze once I process them.

After my father died I stopped singing for good. It wasn't until one day that Prim had a particularly bad nightmare that I brought myself to sing. I hadn't sung for anyone else ever since, not until Danny was reaped and I comforted him on the train. I am just not ready to sing in front of the Capitol.

I hear some rustling and I look up. Danny is pulling the sleeping bag with him and he lays down next to me, his body curled up against mine. "Please." He asks me, and I can't bring myself to say no.

When the lullaby is finished my hand is still running down his curls over and over again. I think he might be asleep, but moments later he speaks again.

"That's how he fell in love with you, you know? He says you sang the first day of school when you both were in first grade. He's told me the story so many times I almost feel I was there." He chuckles tiredly, and I hope it's too dark for the cameras to catch my blush, or maybe the fire will disguise it.

I don't know why, but I ask. "What's the story?"

"Well, you were wearing a red plaid dress, and you had your hair in two braids, not one. And he hadn't noticed you because back then he used to be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' with Delly, you know Delly right? Delly Cartwright." I nod, trying to piece my own memories together. I remember the dress he mentioned, Prim wears it now. And I _did_ used to wear my hair in two braids when I was younger, so maybe this is all true. I chuckle at the air quotes he draws at the words _boyfriend and girlfriend_ and he continues.

"So, my father had told him that in his class there would be a very pretty girl, she was the daughter of the woman he wanted to marry when they were young, but she ran off with a coal miner." My fingers freeze in his hair. My mother has never elaborated on her relationship to Peeta's father, but I know they grew up together, as she used to live in town when she was young... before she ran off to my father. "Peeta didn't believe him, because ― no offense, Katniss ― but who would choose a coal miner over a baker? And then my dad said that it was because he had a voice so beautiful that when he sang, even the birds stopped to listen. Peeta still didn't believe him."

Somehow I am more and more convinced that he is telling the truth. When my father sang the birds did stop singing, and the mockingjays paused respectfully after his song before repeating it. It was one of my favorite things of going to the woods with him, singing with the mockingjays.

"But then, in music assembly, the teacher asked who knew the Valley Song. And Peeta said you shot your hand up, and you went to the front and stood on a stool because you were so tiny, and you sang. And he says even the birds stopped to listen."

Now I know that no amount of darkness could possibly hide the blush in my cheeks, and I don't think there is nothing going on at this hour that is interesting enough for the cameras not to be capturing my embarrassment. "That's a lie, birds don't stop to listen to _me."_

"They did now."

"It's night, silly. There are no birds singing." I remind him and he frowns, but before he can protest a parachute falls from the sky, landing safely beside me, away from the fire. Inside the pot there's a small can with a white cream. My mind jumps forward and I rub some of it on the burn in my arm, when the relief hits me I turn around to tend Danny's wounds. Once he is sleeping peacefully I tend mine. 

The message is clear this time.

_Keep it up, sweetheart._


	17. The Ally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you are all dying for a Peeta POV and I promise there will be one soon. Thank you so much for reading!! You are the bomb.

Danny's story must have been entertaining enough, because the Gamemakers give us a full day of tranquility. But as the sun disappears for the seventh time in the Arena I remember Haymitch's gift, and that there will not be another one of those unless I 'keep it up', not to mention there is the possibility of another thunderstorm if the people on the Capitol grow bored, after all there has been no cannons today.

"You look so much like him," I whisper, but I know the microphones can pick it up. In the Arena your only secrets are your own thoughts, everything else is out there for the world to see. I smile at Danny softly, and continue to talk in whispers, as if it wasn't staged. The good thing is that I miss Peeta so much that it's obvious on my voice, or at least to him it would be. I'm not sure about the people on the Capitol, but I'm not going to turn into a sappy, cheesy girl just to please them. They won't take that from me. Instead, I just whisper to Danny, as if I was talking to him, and only him.

"Same blue, lie-detecting eyes. Same nose you obnoxiously stick on everyone's business..." Danny giggled, and I smirked a little, tickling his tummy over the sleeping bag. "Same shaggy, untamable blonde curls, the ears that redden when you are embarrassed, the never-full stomach. You look so much like him." I sigh and look away, because Danny has made everyone see that I'm a lovable, talented, sweet girl, but I cannot keep the facade on, and sooner or later the Capitol will realize that. Because I have never been worthy of Peeta, and it's harder to try to be when I'm so far away from him.

I swallow hard and return my eyes to him, forcing a smile on my face. "So I guess it's good, because you get to see him, and you don't have to worry about what the future will bring. You already know you will be a brave, tall, strong, very handsome, very nosy, very lovable man." Danny is smiling proudly, but the following words sting in my mouth so I just say them, giving the Capitol what they want: a show.

"I just wish I could be there to see it."

Danny gasps, but I just hold him close, hoping him and everyone back home watching will forgive me for what I've just said.

I know I won't forgive myself.

* * *

Sleeping seems like such a luxury.

After staying the whole night up, caressing Danny's hair, humming under my breath and watching the fire, sleeping is probably the best feeling on earth. I should have known that it wouldn't last that long.

Before the dawn is even close a very familiar laughter wakes me up. _Cato._ His name is on my lips as I sit up startled. 

"You didn't think you could stay far from us for long, did you?" He snickered. Danny stirred against me in the sleeping bag. "You see, _Twelve._ You and I, we made a deal, didn't we? You were supposed to be one of us, and we were supposed to leave the kid alone."

I reach for the bow, because I know that I can take all of them down in a moment. But my hand freezes on it when I realize I'm not high enough for them not to reach me if they throw a spear. I've seen Marvel throw them, he never misses. I shouldn't push it.

"You didn't stick to your side of the deal, sweets." Clove said, a devilish grin on her face. And it's her voice what finally wakes Danny up, the Career's smile grows as she spots his terrified blue eyes. "So we are not sticking to ours."

My eyes go from Clove to Cato, who seems pleased with his companion's speech. Behind them Glimmer holds on tightly to a spear and keeps her focused eyes on me. Marvel is looking down, deliberately avoiding looking at us. I try not to think much about that.

"Start climbing." I whisper Danny without looking at him. He takes a second to react, but before anyone can move he is already doing what I said. He is not as skillful at it as I am, but the past week has helped him practice and he makes his way up the tree, bringing out some protests from the Career pack below me.

My eyes are focused on Glimmer as I slide out of the sleeping bag, carefully rolling it up and placing it on the backpack.

"I told you we were one sleeping bag short."

"That bitch stole from us."

"And she'll pay for it threefold, when she sees that precious child of hers fall down to his death." Cato is not joking, his voice is deep, determinate and dripping anger. It still amazes me to what point they trusted me. Cato is not just angry, he looks _betrayed._ It's ridiculous, how are you supposed to trust anyone in this place? Especially when a handshake is all the guarantee given. "Marvel, do it." He instructs, quieting the two girls behind him.

Marvel has a bronze-like skin, and his face lifts too quick when he hears his name, it's pale. I shiver.

Before he even processes the order my hand is already tensing the bow, aiming right at his heart. I know he has seen too much of me to expect me to miss. But I've seen too much of him to let go of the arrow that easily. Everything flashes through my eyes: Marvel telling me jokes on the forest, Danny laughing at them; Marvel warning me about Cato and the others, the panicked look on his face as he realizes he is the one supposed to kill Danny.

Maybe they are not all monsters. But they all still have to die.

I start savoring my apology to him on my mouth, readying myself to let go of the arrow. But then, everything happens too fast.

"Katniss!" I know I shouldn't have, but I turn around to see Danny immediately, foolishly giving my back to the Careers. Had they been faster, they could have taken me down right that moment. He is holding on tightly to the tree with one hand, but the other is pointing at something effusively. A  rustle on the leaves around me suggest there is someone else in the trees, someone wisely running away. Before I allow myself to think twice about it I lift the bow and shoot at the branch that Danny's pointing at. We both cringe when I hit the target. 

The beehive falls right at Glimmer's feet, and then hell breaks loose.

"Danny! Down, now!" I yell at him, knowing that the Careers will chose to run away instead of staying around to capture us. Especially when I realize that the buzzing creatures I've awoken are not bees, but tracker jackers.

By the time I touch the ground everyone's gone, except Glimmer. She was once a gorgeous woman of honey-like hair and green sparkling eyes, but now she is nothing but a squirming, swelling mass of tracker jackers pinching on her skin. I swat the insects away the best I can as I wait for Danny to come down, but I feel the sting in my hand first, and then on my lip. Glimmer's whimpers and cries for help disappear abruptly, and a cannon follows. 

"Katniss!" Danny cries and I spot him down the tree, he doesn't need to call my name another time and he knows it, so he just runs and I follow him. I know he is trying to head towards the cave, but the hallucinations catch up with me before we are even close.

* * *

In my dream the mines explode a thousand times. As I watch Danny dying a hundred different, painful deaths, as I hear Peeta yelling at me because I was not able to save his brother, as I feel Prim flinching away from me and Gale calling me a monster, the mines explode as a background noise. Over and over again. And every time they do, I hear my father giving his last breath. 

When I wake up the mines are still exploding. It takes a few blinks for me to realize it's just a headache. I sit up and press my palms against my closed eyes, trying to ease the pounding headache. Unfortunately, once it recedes I become too aware of my other injuries. My burns are still painful, my ankle is sprained and several points of my skin itch beyond words. When I bring my fingers to scratch my arm I notice there is a green stuff there. I remove it, confused, but I put it back again immediately when I realize it's easing the burning sensation the tracker jacker's venom have left on my skin.

 _Danny._ The name pops in my mind and I feel guilty on how long it took me to think about the boy I've vowed to protect. I sharpen my senses only to hear two sounds I thought I would never hear again:

First there's water. Clean, flowing, bountiful water.

There's Danny's laughter too, but the odd thing is a girl is laughing along with him.


	18. The Hunger Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took _forever_ I am so very sorry. But thank you so much for your kind comments and your kudos!! I'm glad you all were excited for Rue popping up, so have a little more of that adorable kid in this chapter <3

I sit down as best as I can, assessing the damage. I have eight stings, and all of them are covered by that green mushy thing that seems to be easing the pain. My head throbs in a headache and I have more cuts and bruises than I recall having. But I'm alive, and my bow is neatly lying beside me, not a single arrow is missing from my quiver.

I manage to stand up, and follow the sound of the water and the kids laughing. By the shore of a small river, Danny is eating some berries chuckling, and beside him there's a girl with dark skin and disheveled hair. _Rue._ The name pops into my head and I'm left with the image of the twelve year old disentangling herself from her younger brothers when she was reaped.

"Hey guys" I say finally, and they both look up to me.

Danny beams at me, and stands up to hug me. I notice some green stuff covering a few stings, but other than that he seems to be okay. I hug him back tightly and press a kiss to his hair. "Hey, boss." He giggles and I look up.

Rue's gone.

"Where's your friend?" I ask Danny, confused. And he turns around to find the berries they were sharing spread on the grass.

"I think she is a bit scared of you."

The shock on my face might have been hilarious, because Danny barks a laugh. "I mean, you are supposed to protect me, right? And she is another tribute. Besides you _can_ be a little scary when you want to. I told her we could be allies, but she said she wanted to know if you were okay with it too. She's _nice_ Katniss, can we stick together?"

I do my best to mask my feelings, because there is nothing I want more to say yes and take Rue under my wing. She is only a girl, and she reminds me so much of Prim. But it is one thing to make an alliance with the careers, knowing it would bring me sponsors, and protection. I didn't feel guilty about betraying them, I have always known I'll eventually have to kill them if I want Danny to win. I have always known that Rue must die too. But I can't bring myself to break _that_ alliance.

There is nothing I can do when Danny looks at me like that though.

I sigh. "Come on out Rue, berries are not a proper breakfast and I'm starving."

I will for sure regret this, but the look in Danny's face has no price.

* * *

Two hours later we are sitting by the river again, Danny and I ate half a squirrel both, but Rue is working on her second. It's quite impressive for a girl her size, but then I realize she has probably not eaten any meat since she got to the Arena and my stomach twists.

"So, uhm, I reckon this was your doing," I say pointing at the green remedy on my skin and she nods, proudly. "Those leaves grow everywhere, that's why I started looking for tracker jacker nests, I thought it was kind of foolish to sleep on a tree with one but it worked on your favor, I guess." She shrugged.

"And how did you know they helped?"

"At District eleven, in the orchards, there are lots of nests. So we all carry some of this on our pocket while working, just in case."

I swallow my disgust and just take another drink of water. Because Twelve might have been a living hell, but at least Prim went to school and then back home, she didn't have to carry remedies for killer bees while she _worked._

* * *

In the woods, there is a small cottage my father found once. It's mostly falling apart and covered in moss, but there's a lake nearby. My dad and I used to pack up a picnic basket and take off to spend entire Sundays in it. He taught me to swim, and he showed me the katniss growing by the edges.

_As long as you can find yourself, you'll never starve._

This river has no katniss, but it's clean and it's flowing and it allows me to actually clean myself for the first time in a week. Danny is already neat, which suggests to me that they probably cleaned themselves while I slept. "How long did I sleep anyway?" I ask them as I continue to scrub my clothes, trying to disappear all traces of mud, blood or plants.

"Two days" they say at the same before Danny shrugs, trying to seem though. "The boy from eight is dead, there's ten of us left."

I look back down to my clothes and continue to wash them. Moments later they are completely clean and I set them on a branch for them to dry. I continue the procedure with my hair, which is muddy and messy enough for a flock of birds to live in there.

"When did he die?" I ask after a while.

"Yesterday morning, we suppose the Careers must have got him."

That makes two days with no eventualities, and even though it's always interesting to see the tributes forming alliances I doubt out alliance with Rue will  be enough for the Gamemakers to leave us alone. I braid my wet hair and try to come up with a solution that will keep us all from being burnt to death in one of their efforts to spice things up.

"Alright then," I say, trying to look decided even if I have no plan at all. "As soon as my clothes are dry we'll walk river up and find a place for the three of us to spend the night. We'll need to be well rested up for what I have in mind for tomorrow."

Hopefully the Capitol will take it as an attempt from my part to seem mysterious, but I know both Peeta and Gale back home can know that I'm completely terrified, and out of ideas.

* * *

We roll up our pants and walk river up, avoiding leaving any footprints and making sure to find a place to sleep near to the water. Eventually we find another cave, and I am able to conceal the entrance with some vines and leaves. The sleeping bag is not big enough for the three of us, so I let them have it and wrap myself in our three jackets, curling up against Danny's side. I'm not exactly freezing, but it's not comfortable either.

"Katniss?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell us a story?"

I lick my lips and try to come up with something that will please the kids and the public, but most of my good stories include being in the woods, which is something punishable by law, and I might be out of reach but I wouldn't want to cause anyone back home any problems.

"How about that one time I almost burnt your kitchen down?"

He giggles, and I take it as a yes.

> _Mr. Mellark reminded me for the millionth time where everything was and I chuckled, waving him away. "Go now or you won't be able to catch him before he gets here." Prim giggles behind me and we wave goodbye to Peeta's father. It was Peeta's birthday and Mr. Mellark and Danny were supposed to keep him occupied in town while I baked a cake with Prim._
> 
> _Prim was excited about glazing it, and she had been rambling for hours about the nice patterns she'd place on top of the cake. We knew the cake would never measure up to the ones Peeta made for our birthdays, but the intention was what counted, right? And the instructions Mr. Mellark had laid out for us where rather simple._
> 
> _Except they were not._
> 
> _By the time the three boys arrived home, a thick black smoke was pouring out of the windows, and Prim and I coughed as we tried to salvage the cake we had forgotten in the oven, too fixated on getting the perfect icing._
> 
> _Peeta had burst through the door, almost having a heart attack when he saw us covered in flour and yelling at each other over the burnt cake. But a smile broke at his face and he kissed me in front of everyone for the first time. We took the icing outside and ate it straight out of the bowl with spoons._
> 
> _"Best birthday icing ever." He had complimented._

Danny is smiling happily at the memory, and I take advantage of his position to wipe away the tears before he can see them. What I hate the most is that the Capitol _can_ see them, and that somewhere in District 12 Peeta is listen to me speak about our memories on national TV, that somewhere he is alone, watching me cry.

That only makes me cry more.

* * *

When I wake up my eyes are red and puffy, but no one mentions it. Instead we check the snares Danny left the night before and we have a nice juicy groosling ― that's how Rue calls it ―for breakfast.

"So, what's the plan?"

Fortunately, I spent the night too scared about anyone finding our hideout to sleep, and during my restless tossing and turning I came up with an idea.

"Okay, so this is all about evening the odds, alright? We are surviving because we are smart, because we know how to hunt, because we know what plants not to eat. You follow me?" Both the kids nod and I try not to think of Danny and Prim nodding at Peeta when he explains a new game.

"So, why are the Careers surviving? You've seen them, Danny. They are not particularly skilled at hunting alone, and you had to stop Clove once from eating some bad berries. But why are they alive?"

Rue's eyes sparkle as she gets where I'm going. "Because they have all that food from the Cornucopia, and the weapons."

I nod, smiling at her proudly. "Those kids don't know how to be hungry, they've always had enough food on their plates. But this are the _Hunger_ Games, aren't they? And it's about time they know what that is."


	19. The Target

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you are all dying for a Peeta's POV but be patient please (:  
> Remember what happens when they get to the last eight? The families and friends are interviewed. And you will get a very lengthy Peeta POV chapter.  
> Thank you so much for your support!!!

When the gong went off and Danny ran towards the woods, those were the scariest moments of my life. I had ran towards the Cornucopia, got a hold of a bow and arrows and shot someone in the chest. All the while each and every single one of my heartbeats had a name: _Danny, Danny, Danny._

I knew that he was much safer away from the Cornucopia, and away from me. But that didn't mean he was entirely safe, or that he was safer than he would have been if I had ran away with him. And it wasn't until I saw his little head that I started  breathing soundly again. Staying away from Danny, having him out of my sight, out of my protection, in that moments had been the hardest thing I had ever done, and now I am about to do it again.

"You remember the plan, don't you?" I ask for the millionth time, and Danny rolls his eyes. I sigh and turn to Rue. "You remember the plan too, right?" In response, she smiles at me and nods.

"Okay then, off you go. Or we'll miss our cue," I say finally, preparing myself to lose sight of the two kids. Danny has to walk the furthest, so he has to go first. I rustle his hair and he gives me a short hug.

"I'll see you real soon, Katniss."

"Good luck, boss."

And with a smile, he's gone.

* * *

Rue and I have been walking in silence for ten minutes or so when she decides to speak.

"We should have a kind of signal, don't you think? To make sure the other is alright."

"You are right. Any ideas?"  I ask, giving a look her way.

Without hesitation, which leads me to think she had given this some thought before, she whistles a simple three-notes tune. I open my mouth to let her know that there is no way I would hear that with all the distance that would separate us, but before I speak I hear her tune being repeated to me, over and over again. I look up and catch sight of the birds flying above is. The mockingjays  have turned Rue's simply tune into a beautiful melody, and it travels along the trees. I know I would hear it anywhere.

"Alright then." I repeat her whistle and the mockingjays pick it up. I chuckle surprised.

"You gave me the idea, you know? With your pin." She says, pointing to the golden pin attached to my clothes. I had almost forgotten about it. To me it meant nothing but a memory of Madge, my quiet friend Madge and her quiet goodbye. But obviously to Rue it meant something different. "We have lots of mockingjays back home, nests everywhere. Your pin reminded me of home, that's how I knew I could trust you and Danny. At first I thought yo-" She cuts herself short and a small blush darkens her cheeks.

I laugh and shake my head. "It's alright, you can tell me. What did you think?"

Bashful, Rue looks down to her shoes as she walks. "Well. We all thought it was just a facade, you know? That you didn't really care about Danny, that you were just using him to win sponsors. My mentors, they said you were a really good actress, but they couldn't imagine someone willing to give up their opportunity to win the games just to save someone else. Especially when you had such a high score."

I shrug, my eyes fixed on my own shoes now.

"Danny is like a brother to me."

"So it's true, right? You are marrying his brother."

" _Was_ marrying his brother," I correct immediately, regretting it right away. "I am married to his brother, or would be..." I sigh, shaking my head. "I love his brother. I guess that is the only thing I'm certain of."

Rue doesn't ask any more questions.

* * *

She adjusts her backpack on her shoulders and prepares herself to leave, but on the last moment she turns around and decidedly makes her way towards me, wrapping her little arms around my body.

I'm left thunderstruck and speechless, and I take a second to return the hug, but once I do I do it tightly. I don't want to let her go, I don't want her to be alone and scared and in danger. I want to protect her. I want her to go back home to her brothers and sisters. But I've already made that promise to Danny.

Asking Marvel,  and Lee for their names had been an awful mistake. But befriending Rue is much worse.

So I just squeeze her tight for a little more and let her go. "I will see you soon, alright? Be safe."

Rue smiles and nods, and within seconds she has disappeared into thin air, the only thing that remains is the image of a part of her blouse sticking out of her pants, creating a little duck tail.

I miss my sister so much I can barely breathe.

* * *

The plan is simple. I have to make my way to the Careers camp and find a good position to shoot from. When the sun sets, Rue will light up a fire and feed it with plants that will make it smoke, attracting the Careers. When Danny sees the smoke he will light a fire of his own and run to the cave. They are supposed to meet there, and I'm supposed to join them tomorrow morning. While the Careers are out, I'm supposed to blow off their supplies.

The thing is that I have no idea how.

I know Lee set up a kind of protection system. But Cato always walked straight into the pile of supplies and grabbed what he needed, that leads me to think there has to be a safe path, a part clear from explosives. _But which one?_

When I get to their camp they are eating. Even though I am far away I can listen to their laughter. I find myself envying them. Because they can laugh loudly and not worry about anyone finding them, because they have the whole lake for themselves and never have to worry about water or medicines.

I know that as soon as I blow up their food, the sponsors will shower them with supplies. But I don't care, because that is not what I am after. I am just trying to let them see they are just like us: pieces in their games.  Only slightly shinier pieces.

* * *

 

The sun begins  its descent Rue sets her fire right on time, the smoke comes up from between the trees. I fix my eyes on Cato and the others, silently urging them to notice our signal. Clove doesn't disappoint me. They elbow each other, gather their weapons and leave promptly, leaving me alone to figure out how to blow out their supplies.

I could light an arrow on fire and throw it to the stack, but I always risk it not catching fire correctly and then I would  not only lose an arrow but let them know it was me and what I was after. I'm still breaking my head over the possibilities when a figure enters my vision.

It's that redhead girl from District Five, Foxface. She approaches the camp quickly, and takes a few turns around the stack of supplies before choosing a path and decidedly making her way towards it. She doesn't stop to amaze herself on the fact that she is still alive, instead she just grabs a few things here and there, just enough for the Careers not to notice they had been stolen.

Before she leaves she spits on Cato's tent.

I decide that I like her.

Taking my chances, I approach the camp a little more, trying to decide what to do. Once I'm closer I spot a bag of apples almost at the top of the stack. I know that if I manage to rip open the bag, then the apples will fall down and set off the explosives. I give myself a little pep talk and then get my first arrow out of my quiver, it takes me a while but I finally manage to light it on fire.

Behind me Danny is lighting the second fire, and I know I have to hurry.

I aim for their tents and shoot, Cato's one lights up and I know it's just a matter of time before the others start burning. I smirk for the cameras, and maybe a little for myself too.

Giving myself a limit of three arrows to get the job done. I breathe deeply and aim for the apple bag. I shoot, and miss. I groan and venture further, I'm completely out of the shelter of the woods and on plain sight. If the Careers come back I'm probably dead, but I don't care. I aim again and this time my arrow leaves a small split on the bag. It isn't until the third that I manage to rip it open and the apples fall down the pile. I stare at the spectacle amazed, though I should be running. And I realize that seconds later when the apples hit the ground and a huge explosion ensues.

Everything seems to freeze for an instant, the fire from the tents pale in comparison with the explosion and I'm blown backwards into the air. My head hits the floor and I lose consciousness, as I sleep the mines explode over and over again.


	20. The Meadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love it when you guys get invested in the story and let me know in the comments! Thank you so much for that.  
> 

The pain doesn't wake me up, but once I am awake it is one of the only two things I am aware of. The first one, the reason I woke up so abruptly, is the loud, ringing sound. It takes a moment for me to realize that the ringing is just in my head, and it comes from my left ear, I take my fingers to it and some hot blood taints my fingers. When I stand up the whole ground seems to spin around me, and I feel the urge to vomit, but food is scarce and I can't give myself the luxury of emptying my stomach. So I take a deep breath, make sure none of my arrows are missing and I sprint out of the Careers camp at the same time I hear them approaching.

With my right ear only. Because I can't hear anything on my left side. _Crap._

My head continues to spin and I stumble as I try to get as far away from Cato and the rest as possible, I know the chances of them finding out it was _me_ are slim, but I wouldn't want to  be near them if they ever got to find out. I stop when I get to the place where Rue lit the first fire, on the ground I can see the footprints of the furious Careers, frustrated to have found no victim. The footprints continue to head north, where Danny lit his own fire. I sharpen my good ear to hear the birds singing, but Rue's song is not there.

So I whistle it, hoping to hear her whistling it back to me. But there's  nothing but silence, only broken by the mockingbirds that harmoniously turn my simple tune into a intricate melody.

I sigh and walk towards the cave, hoping to find both the kids in there. My heart beats with fear as I realized I _could_ have slept over a canon... or two.

* * *

Suddenly, Rue replies to my whistling. But it isn't with one of her own, but by crying out for help.

She is close, and I sprint in the direction of her voice. I open my mouth to yell her name, to reassure her that I am coming and to let know anyone that is threatening her that she is not alone, that a bigger, scarier and very angry ally has her back. But the fear closes my throat and no sound comes out. So I just run faster.

I get to a small clearing and there she is, all tangled up in a trap. The net has trapped her and the tears run down her eyes. I slow down as I spot her, sighing in relief at the sight of her safe. My foot steps into the glade and I realize how wrong I was to wait. Marvel shoots a spear through Rue's small body and she cuts my name short. _Katni..._

My arrow hits Marvel's chest before he can even mouth his apology, but  I know that in the last moment he realized Rue was my ally, and that he regretted it.

Maybe I regret killing him too, but that doesn't matter. It's done.

I sprint towards Rue, cutting the rope and lowering her sweetly into the grass. I know there is no use on lying to her, on feeding her useless 'nothing is wrong's and 'i'll fix this's. Rue is too smart for that. So I just cradle her head against my chest and stroke her hair gently. "I am so sorry, Rue." I whisper, holding back the tears that this innocent girl has brought to my eyes.

"Don't be," she croaks out, and it takes all my will not to break down sobbing. "Did you blow their food?"

"Every last bit." Her pained face breaks in a little smile and some blood drips out of her mouth, I clean it, trying to give her a smile back.

"Will you stay with me Katniss?" She whispers, and I'm not sure if it is because she is scared of asking or because she doesn't have much air left. Tightening my lips together, I nod. "Sing."

 _Sing what?_ I want to ask her, but it seems like she has no more energy to ask anything else. And I can't deny this to her, I wouldn't deny _anything_ to this sweet girl that is about to die just because I wasn't fast enough to save her.

My throat is tight with tears I refuse to shed, and my sister's name sits on my lips. But I still ready myself to sing the lullaby my father used to sing for me and Prim, the one I adopted whenever Prim was scared and wouldn't fall asleep, the one I had sang for Danny just a few days ago. "Alright," I concede. And after a small cough, I begin:

> _Deep in the meadow, under the willow_
> 
> _A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_
> 
> _Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes_
> 
> _And when again they open, the sun will rise_
> 
> _Here it's safe, and here it's warm_
> 
> _Here the daisies guard you from every harm_
> 
> _Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_
> 
> _Here is the place where I love you._

Rue's eyes have fluttered shut. Her chest moves but only slightly, the tears start flowing freely down my cheeks and land on her. I wipe them, ashamed, and she tightens her hold on my hand for a second. Then she stops squeezing and her chest stops moving, but I have to finish the song for her.

> _Deep in the meadow, hidden far away_
> 
> _A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray_
> 
> _Forget your woes and let your troubles lay_
> 
> _And when again it's morning, they'll wash away._

The slow and tired beating of her heart against my chest stops and I have to force myself to whisper the final lines.

> _Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_
> 
> _Here is the place where I love you._

After a moment, I realize the birds are quiet, and for a moment I think it is because of Rue's earlier cries and the movement of spears and arrows that just happened. But then, almost eerily, the mockingjays take up  my song and I realize they have silenced to listen to me, to pay their own respects to the sweet child in my arms. I don't move in what it seems an eternity, but a shock of electricity runs through me as I hear Rue's canon.

And now, I am angry. _Because it is so unfair._

It's unfair that as soon as I step off, Rue's body will be taken away and delivered in a cold wooden box to her family, to the five little siblings she so lovingly spoke of. Because it's unfair that I had to chose between her and me, between her and Danny. It's unfair that she will die and the Capitol will forget her soon, she will be nothing but one piece of their games.

Maybe they are shedding a tear now, but they will forget it as soon as they get two days with no killings. Because that's all they want, a good show, a good kill, some more blood. And as I look down to my hands I realize that is _exactly_ what I've given to them.

Not more than a few meters away lies Marvel's lifeless body, another body to be returned to a brokenhearted family, another life I have taken. Not for the first time, I thank whatever almighty power is upon me for not letting me return home. Because I know Rue and Marvel will haunt me for life.

I don't realize I am shaking until I lower my lips to press them to Rue's forehead. It doesn't seem enough, but what could I do?

A few steps into the woods grows a bank of wildflowers, violet, yellow and white blossoms. Tenderly I leave Rue's body on the ground and cut off pack from her back, as if to help her lie more carefully. I know I should probably retrieve my arrow from Marvel's chest, but I can't bring myself to, so instead I gather up an armful of flowers and kneel down beside Rue. Slowly, one stem at a time, I decorate her body in flowers. I clean the blood dripping from her mouth and braid her hair with colorful blossoms. She looks so beautiful, like she is sleeping.

Like a fairy.

"Bye Rue," I whisper. And then, as if it was something else controlling my hand, I press the three middle fingers of my left hand against my lips and hold them out in her direction. I mimic the silent salute the District 12 gifted to me on Danny's reaping day, the salute that means thanks, it means admiration, it means goodbye to someone you love.

I walk away without looking back, but I stop once I hear the hovercrafts, and then I fall to my knees sobbing. Breaking down completely for the first time in front of the cameras. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sniffles quietly* Rue is one of my favorite characters and I am so sad to have let her die, still I felt as if this sweet child deserved her own chapter.  
> In better news, next chapter is entirely Peeta's POV. So look forward for that!


	21. The Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! An extra lengthy Peeta POV! I hope you all enjoy it, thank you so much for your comments and kudos! Let me know what you think.

For the first time, my father doesn't steal a glance to my direction while she is on screen, as if checking on me. His wet cheeks glimmer with the soft glow coming from the old television that has all of his attention, and I only then notice the hot tears running down my face.

On screen, Katniss sobs. And I dare to think that for the first time, most of Panem cries with her.

* * *

 

I envy her, even if it would make me the most selfish person in the world to say it out loud. My hand closes around a bunch of grass and I pull it off the ground just because I can, it doesn't make me feel better. Because somewhere in the Capitol, she just spent a full night crying to herself because of not being able to save a child that wasn't even her responsibility. Rue was nothing but another tribute, another person that had to die for Katniss to return Danny home, yet she still felt the urge to protect her, she still was heartbroken when she didn't. And it's my fault that she had to face that. It's because of me that she is in the Arena, that she is now for sure hating herself for killing Marvel. It's my fault she is never coming out for me to tell her that it's okay.

Still, I envy her. Because I will have to live with that for the rest of my life. Because when I get my brother back ― and I know I will, because if someone can twist the Hunger Games into making sure someone else wins, that is Katniss  ― our reunion will be bittersweet because it means I will never get to see her again, to _thank_ her. To hold her. And I will have to live with the guilt, with the loneliness, with the blood in her hands. That makes death a very creepy, but tempting, alternative.

I release the firm hold I've had on the handful of grass and the blood rushes back to my hand. I envy her for this meadow too, even if it's ridiculous to envy her for something she'll never have again. But as I look at the treetops before me, and I listen to nothing but the leaves brushing against each other and the gentle birds singing, I wish that this forest was mine the way it once was hers. I wish I had the right to use this as a shelter. Instead, I have to use it as a hideout only.

"What the hell are you doing here?" His voice startles me and I almost jump forward, I bet that would have made him very happy, to see me fall from a cliff. Instead I turn around. I _should_ have heard him approach me: his boots are heavy and he is carrying what it looks like a bag full of game, he ought to have made some noise. But he wasn't like any other person.

I swallow back the impulse to shoot him an 'I could ask the same thing' because I know I have no right to be here. This are Gale's woods now. Not theirs, just his.

"They arrived already, you know?" _I do._

"They are all here for you." The way he spits those words at me makes it clear that he has found a new way to say 'She is in there because of you,' and I look down because he is right. 

"We should get going then."

"We?"

"You are her best friend."

Gale scoffs. "Yeah... well, it seems like the Capitol doesn't care about that."

* * *

The trail from my house to hers is permanently engraved to my memory. How many times didn't I walk it just to chicken out at the very last moment and turn around? I remember quite vividly walking it with my mother the day it all started. Yet, the trail from the woods to her place is entirely different. Still, it's eerily familiar to me and I walk it without hesitation, probably because of the many times I imagined her walking it, the many times she talked about it and I wished it was _me_ walking it with her, not Gale.

After a moment, to gather both my breath and my strength, I knock on her door and I wait.

I shuffle my feet, and notice that for the first time they are not covered in flour but in mud, I guess this is just another sign for me to realize how much I've changed since she volunteered almost three weeks ago. I know the young woman I saw shooting an arrow through Marvel's chest is not the same girl that used to live in this same house.

She has changed, and I have lost her. Therefore, I've changed too.

I look up when Prim opens the door and she gives me a sad, shy smile. I keep waiting for her or Mrs. Everdeen to realize who I am and what I'm guilty of. I keep waiting for them to join the dots and hate me the way Gale does (even though he hated me from way before, and for very different reasons). Prim's arms close around me and I let out a relieved sigh as I hold on tightly to her. Today is not the day I lose the only thing of Katniss I have left.

"Are you guys ready?" I ask when I finally let go of her, noticing Mrs. Everdeen walking towards the door. They both nod and Prim and I step out of the way so I can walk them to my family's bakery, where the interviews will take place.

It was disturbing how soon after Rue's death we received the letters.

> _Dear Mr. Mellark,  
>  We are proud to announce that your younger brother Daniel Mellark has made it to the final eight. As you know, it is customary for the families of the final eight tributes to join into our celebration by sharing a little more of them with Panem. _
> 
> _We look forward to meeting you._

I remember too vividly the pain in my father's face as he handed me a second letter.

One for Danny's brother, one for Katniss' fiancé.

In the letter, there was also the instructions we had to follow. They would meet us at ten sharp in my bakery, the five of us. They would get us ready and then film us answering some questions about Katniss and Danny's past, as if they hadn't taken enough from us already. When Prim wandered into the bakery I promised to pick her and her mother up at nine thirty, so they didn't have to go through the camera-crowded city square alone.

For the first time, the warm bakery seems safe and comforting, as opposed to the Capitol people that roam our District.

* * *

"And this, is Cinna." Effie has talked our ears off for the past ten minutes, introducing us the camera crew and going on and on about how proud she is of her _tributes._ If I hear her calling them that one more time I might lose it, but Prim's little hand curls around my fist and I calm down.

I look up from our joined hands, expecting to see another crazy-looking Capitol person. Instead, I'm relieved to find a dark skinned man smiling gently at us. "He is Katniss' stylist, and he is here to give you some final touches before you go on camera."

Cinna offers me his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Peeta. Katniss is very special to me." There is something about the kindness and sincerity in his voice, and the way he speaks of her in present tense that makes me immediately trust him, even _like_ him. So I shook his hand and muster half a smile from him, which is more than anyone outside of Prim is getting from me lately.

I'm slowly starting to calm down after seeing Cinna, and then through the door enters the man most opposite to him I could ever imagine, the same man I would have _never_ expected to cross the door of my family's bakery: Caesar Flickerman.

His hair is electric blue, not powder blue anymore the way it was when he interviewed the tributes before the Games started. And his personality is just as electric as his hair is, still I can't bring myself to hate him. Caesar enthusiastically shakes my hand and kisses both of Prim's rosy cheeks, twice.

"Let's get this started, then."

* * *

Mrs. Everdeen goes first. She talks about how much Katniss reminds her of her late husband, she tears up when Caesar brings out the memory of Katniss singing to Rue and he offers her a handkerchief, he seems to be fighting tears himself. There is something odd about Caesar, and I can't help but to think that maybe even after doing the same thing for the past decades, he can't bring himself not to care about the people he interviews. Maybe Caesar loses twenty three friends every year.

Next, my parents sit together in our living room, but no matter how much Caesar tries to get her to speak, it's my father who does all the talking. He shares a few anecdotes of a younger Danny that make the camera crew aw and swoon a little, it's kind of creepy how he has managed to wrap all the Capitol around his finger. Then, my father speaks highly of Katniss and her sacrifice. Of how he feels like it's _both_ his children inside the Arena and Caesar looks just as heartbroken as my father sounds. I'm glad it's Prim's turn next, because there is a lump in my throat I can't seem to swallow.

"I am very sorry that you have to go through this," Cinna says as he replaces Prim standing next to me. The people that Effie introduced as Katniss' prep team are now taking care of the lighting and the almost invisible make up in Prim's face. "It is unfair from us to ask you to rejoice for this awful happening. Having a relative in the Arena is already horrible, I can't imagine having two."

I look up to him, trying to muster an answer, but we are told to shut up immediately after that as Prim's interview is about to start.

When Danny was interviewed by the same man, it was easy to see the effect he had in the Capitol people. He quickly climbed his way up to the top favorite, and I could see Prim doing just the same. She shared a story of Katniss taking her and Danny camping (claiming it had been in her backyard, instead of the forbidden woods) and saying how much she missed them both.

"If you could have one wish, dear Prim, what would it be?"

"To have them _both_ back," she answered without hesitation and the look in Caesar's face said the same thing than mine. _Me too, Prim. Me too._

I sat down on the very same couch where I had spent afternoons with Katniss, where I had tickled my brother, where I had sat down to watch both of them fight for their lives in the games.

"Congratulations on your engagement, I just wish the circumstances were different." Caesar's tone is honest and I nod at him grateful, after the prep team gives me a final touch a light goes on and I am let know I am on the air.

Caesar speaks with his usual enthusiasm this time. "Ladies and gentlemen, the moment we've been waiting for is finally here. I am honored to be here with Mr. Peeta Mellark, Katniss' fiancé and Danny's older brother." He turns to me and I try hard to focus on him instead of the camera. "Peeta, Danny told us about you going on and on about Katniss for years before you even started dating, and we all know how _lovely_ your girl is. But tell us, _how_ did you start dating?"

I don't want to tell them this, but I know Katniss for sure didn't want the Capitol to know about how I fell in love with her, or how I proposed to her in that velvet couch where we said our goodbyes. There was a reason why Katniss, the most reserved person I know, said all that: to win sponsors. And if I can help her, even with just this, then I will.

"Well, when I was sixteen I once got burnt while baking. She says that I did it on purpose, and I only can say that if there's a person for whom I'd willingly stick my arm inside the flames is Katniss." Caesar chuckles and some of the Capitol women fan themselves, I clear my throat and continue. "So my mom, she took me to Katniss' house, because her mom is a healer, but she wasn't there. So Katniss opened the door and told us that, and we were just about to leave when she said that she could do it, heal me, that is. My mother and I went inside and Katniss started grabbing small flasks from shelves, her hands were shaking and I could tell she had never healed anyone before. Luckily for her, or for the both of us, her mom crossed the door just before she applied some weird ointment on my skin. The _wrong_ ointment, I should mention."

This elicits a few chuckles and giggles and I continue to tell the story, the memories flow easily and find their way to my mouth.

* * *

My eyes reluctantly left her face when I heard her mother walking in and crying out for Katniss to stop. Relieved, Katniss stepped back and allowed her mom to heal me, a few minutes later my mother and I were walking back to the bakery. Somehow I knew things had changed, that our relationship wouldn't solely consist of me stealing glances of her whenever she wasn't looking, of me begging my father to trade bread with her even when squirrels were fair payment.

A few days later, she proved me right by approaching me at the school, two coins in her hand. She placed them in mine and I tried to pretend like her touch didn't burn in the best of ways. They were the same two coins my mother had paid to hers for healing me.

"Now we are even," she said. And I stared at her dumbfounded.

"From when we were kids, the bread?" I blink because I can't believe she has remembered that for all those years, but she mistakes my surprise by anger and she stammers an apology. "I wanted to thank you, before. But I didn't know how. You... you saved my life, and I don't like owing things to anybody. So now we are even."

I smiled _to_ her for the first time on my life and returned the coins to her hand. "You don't owe me anything Katniss." She stubbornly resisted to me giving her the money so I just sighed and said. "So, if this is _my_ money, it means I can do whatever I want with it, can't I?"

She nodded, and after a deep breath to give myself the valor to do so, I grabbed her hand. "Well, then. Let's go get some ice cream."

* * *

"It took me almost two years for her to warm up to me enough to kiss her, and I enjoyed every moment of it, of us."

Caesar takeshis hand to his chest and smiles at me, nodding. "I wish I had enough time to ask you all about that first kiss, but I am sorry to announce we are in a very tight schedule," behind him Effie nods, pleased. "Because we have some very exciting news tonight. If I could have the rest of the relatives join Peeta in the couch, please?"

My parents, Mrs. Everdeen and Prim walk into the room hesitantly and Prim has to sit on my lap because of the small space. Someone turns on my old tv and I tighten my hand into a fist. _How dare they record us while watching the Games? Don't we have to go through enough? They have to_ watch _us go through it?_

The screen is divided in two, as it often happens when two interesting things are going on at the same time. Except that this time nothing is really going on. On the left side of the screen, Danny is pacing nervously in their cave, waiting for Katniss. He knows from the faces in the sky that she is alive and Rue isn't, but I can only imagine what it is for him to be on the Arena all by himself. On the left, there's her. She is still crying, more quietly this time, but she seems to have a hard time to pull herself together enough to face Danny, the urge to comfort her must be obvious in my face because out of nowhere Cinna's hand lands on my shoulder.

Trumpets go off and both of them stop what they are doing to pay attention. For the most part, the only communication the tributes get from outside the arena is nightly death toll. But occasionally, there will be trumpets followed by an announcement. Usually, this will be a call to a feast, a way to round up the tributes together and assure a second bloodbath. I know both Katniss and Danny are too small to go to one of those.

Claudius Templesmith's voice booms into the screen and he excitedly tells us something very confusing. There's been a rule change in the Games. A rule change!

"Under the new rule, both tributes from the same districts will be declared if they are the last two alive."

 


	22. The Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy this chapter <3 thank you for your love!

"Under the new rule, both tributes from the same districts will be declared if they are the last two alive."

I stand up a little too quickly and I lose my balance, the ringing in my left ear hasn't gone away and I am reminded that I haven't eaten anything in days. But all those thoughts are quickly dismissed when Claudius Templesmith's booms from the sky once more and the rule change is repeated, as if they had been staring directly at me and wanted to make sure I didn't think it had just been a hallucination. Because this was too good to be true.

If the rule change is true, if I am not making this up in my sleep-deprived, scared and broken haze, then this means I have a chance to have it all. I get to bring Danny home and have my life back. Peeta won't have to be sad about his brother's return, I'll get to see my family again. The jewels and money the Capitol will offer me once I'm a victor pale in comparison to the thought of seeing them again. Because I _am_ going to be a victor, I'm getting out of this Arena alive.

It's almost too easy to forget about the lives I've taken, about the ones I'll take, as I stand again. Once I manage to get on my feet, I take a drink of water and start walking towards our cave hoping Danny is still in there, that he didn't go out to search for me. I wonder if he heard the news too, I smile at the thought of seeing him again without having to think of a way of getting myself killed so he can live. Danny will finally face me without thinking my death will weight on his shoulders.

* * *

I had to stop twice, searching my bag and Rue's for something to eat, but now that I am finally here and I've spotted the cave I seem to recover my strength and I run to it, biting my tongue  not to call out Danny's name. The entrance is concealed, as I left it, and I try not to bring my hopes up in case he is not there, but I'm unable to.

Still, my worries dissipate as I spot him sleeping on top of the folded sleeping bag, his forehead is furrowed in a frown and guilt washes over me momentarily for having left him on his own for so long. "Danny," I whispers even when I want to chant his name. A huge grin is threatening to  break my cheeks and I can't remember when it was the last time that I felt like I could actually _laugh._

He stirs in his sleep and murmurs something unintelligible, so I press my hand to his shoulder and shake it slightly. "Danny wake up, I'm back."

The kid's eyes open and he sits up startled, it takes him a moment to focus my face but when he does, it's no more than a second before I have his arms tightly wrapped around me. "Katniss!" He exclaims and I chuckle, wrapping my arms around him and covering his ashy blonde hair with kisses. He tastes like dust and sweat, but if I focus hard enough I'm able to remember his usual scent of flour and sunlight, and if everything goes as planned it's not long before he recovers that perfume.

Danny pulls away after a moment, his eyes are confused but he is visibly happy, a somber thought crosses his mind a second later and his smile falls. "I was so worried when you didn't come back! And then... then I heard the canons and I was so scared, Katniss. I stayed up to watch the death toll, and I saw Rue..." My own smile falls a little as I think of the young girl, I pull Danny into my arms again.

"I was too late to save her,"  I confess in a sad whisper. His arms around me tighten.

"Did you kill Marvel?" He asks after a moment, pulling away to eye me carefully. I know he is impermeable to lies, and I don't want to lie to him so I just nod, avoiding his eyes. We stay silent for a moment before I remember the good news I brought.

"How long have you been sleeping, boss?"

"I don't know, maybe a couple hours. It's hard to know here. I finished all the food we had..." he fiddles, almost ashamed, and I laugh. He looks up at me confused.

"Then you slept through the best news I've ever heard in my life, Danny." He raises an eyebrow and I smile at him, caressing his face to push a blonde curl away from his eyes. "We are going home, Danny. Both of us. There has been a change in the rules, two tributes can win as long as they are from the same District. You and I, boss. We are going home."

The words seem heavier now that I've said them out loud, and for once it's a weight that I don't mind carrying.

Danny digests the news quickly, and a grin that I'm sure mimics my own spreads on his face and he hugs me. "We are going home," he repeats, elated.

* * *

Danny and I go hunting, and an hour later we sink our teeth on some squirrels I got my arrows on and some berries that he collected while I hunted.

We both look up when a twinkling melody announces the arrival of a silver parachute, inside there is a bread that I'm positive I've seen before, but that isn't entirely familiar. It doesn't look like the delicious sweetened rolls that abounded in the Capitol, or District Twelve's signature cheese buns that Peeta bakes so well. At the thought of Peeta his voice rings in my head and I smile, recognizing the bread.

"It's from District Eleven, Danny. They sent a gift to us," I say fondly, wanting them to know that I'm aware of their gift and what it means. Rue was important to them, and she was important to me. I just made sure the Capitol knew that.

I split the bread in two and hand Danny half, it's still warm and delicious and I close my eyes. Soon, this will all be over, and I will have a warm bread in my hands and Peeta's arm wrapped around me. Soon the Arena will be nothing but a distant, bad dream and Danny will be safe.


	23. The Storm after the Calm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like forever since I last uploaded this story and for that I am terribly sorry! Between classes and clubs I've barely had any time to breathe but I have cleared my schedule a bit and I'm thinking I could maybe post a chapter a week. I hope you like this! Thank you so much for your patience and support, you are the best!

“So, who’s left?” Danny asks the next morning as we have breakfast. It was hard to sleep after the big news we received, sleeping without Peeta’s arms around me was much harder now that I knew I had the chance of doing so again. My heart raced each time I thought of Prim and Gale and I did my best to stop tossing and turning and actually getting some sleep. Now that the rules had changed I did get my second chance, but so did many others. It's important that I stay alert.

“Well, there’s Cato and Clove of course,” I begin eating what was left of the squirrels we hunted yesterday. Only now I’m regretting not having stolen anything from the careers, but I doubt I could have been able to make Foxface’s skipping dance and not set off any mines. Maybe it was better like that, I like being in one piece. “Foxface, and Thresh.”

“Where’s Thresh? You didn’t see him when you went to the Career’s camp?”

I shake my head. “I think that if he had been nearby we would have seen them back when we were staying there. I don’t think I’ve even heard of him since the games started, Rue didn’t seem to have much idea of his whereabouts either.” Danny winces at the mention of our friend and I shiver. I don’t know if he had time to mourn her the way I did, but I’m not in the mood of talking about her. “And I think there’s one more team left.”

“District seven.” Danny says, finishing his breakfast. “On the blood bath they both took a backpack and ran away to different directions, they didn’t seem to have an alliance.”

“Until now.”

“Probably.” Danny purses his lips and leans back into the sleeping bag. “What are we going to do? I mean… now we can’t just wait until Cato and Clove kill each other.” Listening to him say things like that still gets to me, and I hope that we aren’t being filmed right now. That kind of words from Danny’s mouth will most probably break Peeta and Prim. It’s my turn to purse my lips as I think over his question. He is right, of course.

And now that the rules have changed, I know that the gamemakers will want things to run more quickly, for every day to be fully packed with action and excitement for the audience. Staying in the cave to have nice calm days won’t be an option soon enough.

“We can just wait, until they find district 7. I’m sure Cato and Clove have been up and about for hours now.” Until the gamemakers kick us out, I think we should enjoy as much peace as we can. “Meanwhile we can plan. Thresh is too big for us to win on a fight, and Foxface is too smart to get into one.”

“You think in the end, it will only be us and District Two?”

_That’s exactly what I’m afraid of, kid._

* * *

 

 

The day before we only hunted to have enough for dinner and a small breakfast, so we go back outside to hunt some more. The animals are scarce and I begin fearing a gamemaker trick to get us closer to the rest of the tributes. But when a thunder echoes through the Arena I am reassured with the sounds of animals quickly making their way to their homes. A storm is coming, and the animals are taking shelter, which is exactly what we should do.

I shoot down a few more birds before I nudge Danny towards our cave. “Seems like it’s going to be a slow day, boss. Gather some berries while you walk. We don’t know when we’ll be able to go out again.” He nods at my instructions and we start our walk back to the only place where I’ve felt safe in the arena.

Once he is inside I make sure the vines are concealing the small entrance to the cave and I find him skinning the squirrels I managed to shoot. I try to picture the boy that I used to take camping for his birthday, the one that covered his eyes every time he shoot an arrow just to not watch it hitting its target. He has changed so much in too little time.

And me? Have I changed? Once again my conversation with Gale pops into my mind. I remember what it was like to be a girl from the Seam that kept quiet because she didn’t know how to say out loud that she wouldn’t ever kill someone else. But I had never stopped to think what I would do to defend Prim, or Danny. I had fully taken the moral weight on my shoulders to keep Danny from killing anyone or being killed in the Arena. And even if I don’t regret it, it is hard to picture the old me doing it.

But I don’t feel any different. And maybe that is even worse, because maybe I had it inside me all of this time. Maybe I’ve always been a killer.

The rain pulls me out of my thoughts and I look back at Danny, sitting down beside him to work on the fire.

“What do you think it will be like?” He asks after a while, when the fire starts and I place the squirrels on top of it to cook them. “Going home, I mean.”

My stomach turns, but I put a strong face for him and I smile. “Well, lots of hugs and lots of tears. Some nightmares, I think, but nothing we can’t handle.” I bump my shoulder to his and lean back against the cold wall of the cave, he musters a small smile. “And we will move to the Victor’s Village, which means more space than we’ll know what to do with. And Haymitch will be our favorite neighbor.”

Danny giggles. “We’ll have tea parties with him, and invite him to our school recitals.”

“Ah, of course.” I chuckle, picturing his grumbling when he sees we’ve been mocking him. “And soccer matches, and to bake cookies, but only if he wears the flower apron.” Danny laughs again, delighted and I relish on the sound.

His laughter echoes across the cave sweetly and I let it linger, stopping my teasing as I turn over the squirrels to prevent them from getting burnt.

“And you and Peeta will get married.” He says, my heart falls at my stomach and I have to clear my throat before speaking.

“And Peeta and I will get married.”

It’s not that I changed my mind, at all. But until that moment I hadn’t stopped to think about it for real. When he proposed we were both sure we would never see each other again, at least not if we wanted Danny alive and we both wanted that more than anything. _I_ still wanted that more than anything. I never thought about marriage, not even when Peeta and I became serious. I was never secretive when it came to my reluctance to bring children into this twisted world, and he never asked any questions.

But he had obviously been thinking about it, as he had everything planned for his proposal. I looked down to my ring and sighed. Am I even ready to get married? Does Peeta still want to get married with me after everything I’ve done?”

Danny picks up the heaviness in the air and does what he does best: making me smile. “And they will bring food for all the District! Every month because of us everyone will have enough to eat, and there will be a feast….”

Well _that_ is a reason to be happy.

“Then we better win,” I say handing him the squirrel and he eats happily. I keep the smile plastered on my face as the questions continue to haunt me.

 

* * *

 

 

It rains for three nights before it stops suddenly. I know that it must be a gamemaker thing because it doesn’t slow down, it just stop raining out of the blue and the Arena falls into an absolute silence. Danny and I stay still as we wait for something, _anything,_ to happen. And then it does: my stomach grumbles.

Danny giggles and I roll my eyes at him, grabbing my bow and arrows. “Let’s get out of here, I’m starving.” And with that being said we ready ourselves to leave the cave and go hunting, but a sharp cry makes us freeze in the spot. A girl screams in terror and a canon follows the sound. A moment later another canon is heard.

“District seven,” Danny chokes out and I nod. But that’s not what terrifies me the most.

“They are close.”


	24. The Trap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for being so welcoming!! It took me a bit more than I expected to post this chapter so I wrote it a bit longer. Hope you enjoy it! (:

Odds are they’ll walk past our cave without even realizing we are there. But I gasp in horror as I notice the fireplace, the one that brought us comfort and cooked food during the storm and is now a dead giveaway.  The rule number one had always been _not_ to make a fire, to _never_ give away your position, and I had fragrantly broken it.

“How close?” Danny whispers and I shut him up with a hand movement, unfortunately my ear doesn’t seem to have recovered because I don’t hear a thing. Not even the lazy raindrops dropping from the trees to the ground.

“We gotta go, Danny, _now._ Grab your stuff and let’s go. Leave the fire.” I instruct, immediately turning around and getting started with my own stuff. He doesn’t need to be told twice, smart kid.

My hand trembles as I push away the vines I’ve been covering the cave with, from what I see the sun is dying and soon enough my fireplace will be too noticeable for them to miss if they walk nearby. They are nowhere to be seen so I take a hesitant step outside, arrow on string, ready to shoot at the minor sign of movement. But there’s none. “Come on out.”

Danny is terrified, and every single part of me wants to reassure him, to take him into my arms and let him know it’s fine. But I can’t risk being distracted, and I can’t risk letting that side of me be seen in front of District 2. Not like they don’t know about my weakness for the kid, but it would do me no good for them to see me all mushy. I swallow hard and I stand next to him.

“Alright, now walk on that direction… quietly. I’ve got your back.” He nods once before getting started, and like that begins the longest walk of my life. Even though it only lasts about fifteen minutes.

At the slightest movement we both jump and my arrow points at stupid forest animals or leaves that dare fall from their branches beside us. Every single noise startles us and my fingers begin to tremble from the tension of holding the arrow on its place. It’s exhausting. I’m beginning to think that I’ve over reacted and that they aren't really that close, but then I hear them.

“I told you it was a trap, Cato! There they are!”

My blood freezes and I waste a very valuable moment before grabbing Danny’s arm and starting to run. “I don’t care if you leave me behind. You run and don’t stop, alright? I’ll stall them.” As we run, he turns around to glare at me and I know he is about to protest but I don’t give him the chance. “Run,” I tell him turning around to make sure none of them are watching before I forcibly push him into the bushes, making him disappear from my sight.

I feel much more confident now that I’m running on my own. I’m faster and quieter. But that also worries me, what if they pick up his track? Against every single thing Gale thought me I start breaking branches and stepping on the mud as I run, slowing down the pace. Maybe if I let them catch up with me I’ll have the chance to take out one of them. Or both. Maybe this is how I get rid of them.

But even though they thought it was _me_ setting a trap for them with my forgotten fireplace, it’s me who runs into their trap (literally) as I bump straight into Cato’s torso. Somehow they’ve rounded me up.

I quickly take three steps backwards, lifting my bow to point straight at his chest. Cato grins and plays with his sword. “Where’s the kid, huh _ally?”_

Clove giggles from behind me and I try hard not to shiver. But I fail. I hope they didn't notice.

“Let me guess, ‘somewhere safe’?” She snickers, and I turn around slightly so that I can take a few steps backwards without walking into her. We form a messy triangle, with me pointing an arrow to Cato’s chest and Clove toying with one of her knives. I’ve seen her throw enough times to know she won’t fail if she aims for my throat. If she decides to shoot I’m dead, and I’ll only manage to take Cato with me, hopefully.

“You didn’t honestly think that two tributes of _District 12_ would get the pride of being the first pair getting out of here alive, did you?” Cato mocks, taking half a step towards me. I tense my grip on the arrow and he takes it back. I grin, even though inside I’m panicking.

“Why don’t you just drop that, Twelve?” Clove speaks and I seize her from the corner of my eye. “We have you cornered. If you try to run my knife will bury into you so deep you won’t be able to blink an eye before it reaches your heart. So why don’t you spare us the bother and surrender?”

“I’m not running anywhere,” I say, and my chest rises in pride at the steadiness of my voice. “Let go of that knife and Cato dies on the spot. And then none of us gets to be the first pair to get out alive.” I know I’m relying too much on their alliance, for all I know Clove might just kill me and make sure it’s me who kills Cato. She gets all the glory without getting her hands dirty.

But the second of hesitation when they lock their eyes together is all I need to know she won’t do that.

I measure the distance between us and take a deep breath. It seems like both of them are searching for something to say that would make them look great in front of the camera. I know no one in Panem is batting an eye right now, and whoever gets away from this triangle of doom alive will get a significant amount of sponsors.

So now I just have make sure it’s me.

My lips press together tightly and as Cato opens his mouth to speak I shoot his leg, he cries out waking up Clove from her momentary shock and causing her to hold up to her promise. She sends the knife my way but I manage to duck in time, even though my arm gets a cut that bleeds profusely, but it doesn't hurt just yet. Unfortunately, I was too busy avoiding her knife, and I forgot to take into account Cato’s movements.

A sharp pain in my leg makes me cry out, it’s a kind of pain I’ve never felt before. It _burns_. 

I look around to see him removing his sword from the flesh in my leg, the blood that stains it is so bright it makes my stomach turn. He raises it again as if to finish me off, but the adrenaline kicks in and I sprint forward. My leg protests with every step I take but I keep running, quickly leaving their discussion behind me.

 

* * *

 

 

Danny stops me from my running. I know I should probably scold him for calling out my name so loudly, he probably gave away our position. But I honestly don’t care. The blood loss has made my head spin and my leg can’t take another step. So I make my way up the tree where he has been hiding and pull him into my arms. He’s shivering. Or maybe it’s me.

“W-what happened to you?” He stammered, eying the cuts and I wave him off.

“They don’t like being outsmarted.” Danny lets out a nervous laugh and I rest against the bark of the tree. My leg throbs and yet I refuse to look at it. I know he is doing the same. It has to be cleaned down as soon as possible, but I can’t find in me the strength to move a finger. As an answer to my unspoken prayers a silver parachute falls from the sky.

Danny expertly climbs a few branches higher to retrieve it.

“It’s for you! A first aid kit!” He exclaims and I shush him quietly, even though I’m smiling. I can almost hear him.

_Well done, sweetheart._

“I hope there are aspirins,” I half joke as he makes his way back to me. Danny sits down in front of me very seriously and I know he wants to heal me himself, so I offer him my arm and try not to wince too much when he cleans it down with some rubbing alcohol.

Gratefully, there _are_ aspirins and I down a couple with some water as he finishes up bandaging my arm. The pain is bearable now that it’s clean and cotton-covered. But I can’t say the same thing about my leg.

“You don’t have t-“ I start, but he cuts me off.

I try to remember if Danny ever saw my mom or Prim working on a patient. I’d like to think he hadn’t. But it seems impossible as he expertly rips my already messed up pants to expose the wound. I close my eyes as I wait for the analgesics to kick in when his horrified gasp causes me to sit straight.

And I see exactly what has scared him. The wound is not only pouring blood and pus, but it’s almost completely black. And the veins in my leg resemble a terrifying spider web. I’m brought back to the moment he cut me, the burning feeling as the blade touched my skin.

“It’s poison.”

After a moment, Danny quietly repeats the operation he did on my arm, though I can feel him rubbing a bit harder on my leg, as if trying to remove all poison from my calf. After a while he gives up and bandages it.

“Thanks boss,” I whisper, my eyelids too heavy to open them now. I am vaguely aware of the way he slides next to me and wraps the sleeping bag around us, he ties us tightly onto the tree and I fall asleep safely with my head nested on his shoulder.

 

* * *

 

 

I don’t get the chance to think that it’s just a bad dream. The second I wake up I’m painfully reminded of the wound in my leg, but I try to put a strong face for Danny. He looks at me funny before pressing his hand to my forehead.

“Katniss, you are burning.” Are the last words I hear before I fall back into unconsciousness.


	25. The Countdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know y'all thought I had forgotten this fic but I didn't! Here's a lengthy chapter to prove that I love you all <3   
> We are only five chapters away for this story to end and I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear that you guys like it. Thank you for your support!

There are _eighteen_ tributes dead. Today is my _seventeenth_ day in the Arena.

I open my eyes in the darkness, the pain in my leg is even more unbearable when I do it, so I close my eyes again but it doesn’t work. Danny wakes up when I groan and I sigh. In the dark the blood stained bandage that covers my leg looks less threatening, but it’s the poison what worries me most.

“Katniss,” he whispers and I shift my eyes to his worried ones. We watch each other in silence, and I realize that he doesn’t really know what to say.

“I’m going to be fine, Boss. They’ll heal me up when we get home.” My voice sounds awfully sure, and I want to believe in it as much as he does. But I know none of us do.

“Are you hungry?” I ask after a moment and he nods.

“But you can’t hunt, Katniss. You are sick.”

I start sitting up in protest but he stops me, his hands used to be soft and plump. His nails used to be always stained with flour and food coloring, a few burns here and there. But as he stops me I am painfully aware of the dirt underneath his nails and the bruises and cuts that the Arena has caused.

“I set some snares while you were sleeping, I’ll check on them now.”

Silently, I watch his blonde curls make their way down the tree and my stomach turns. How am I supposed to climb down now that the adrenaline is gone? The simple thought of resting some weight on top of my leg is unbearable.

Only now it makes sense that they didn’t run after me. They knew the poison would take care of me for them, they just need to wait for the canon to go off and track Danny’s cries to his hideout. I shiver.

“Come on Haymitch, send me something,” I murmur to myself, hating the fact that I have to ask for help. But the night remains undisturbed and no parachutes come down. I sigh and let my head fall against the rough bark of the tree. Moments later I can hear Danny’s distinct footsteps approaching the tree.

“I just realized it’s probably not wise to start a fire now,” he muses climbing up. “I got some berries.”

I extend my hand when he offers his and I grab just a handful of berries, leaving him the bigger share.

“What are we going to do Katniss?” He asks after a long time, the terror in his voice is evident, and my voice trembles when I reply.

“I don’t know.”

* * *

 

The trumpets wake me up, and it takes me longer than it should to process their meaning. I can’t imagine how crazy the people in the Capitol are going. Interaction with the tributes is something that certainly doesn’t happen often, but this is the second announcement in the Games.

Claudius Templesmith, my new best friend, announces a feast and I relax against the tree. For a moment I feared the rule change had been revised and forgotten.

“A feast Katniss.” In many ways, Danny is still a child. His eyes sparkled in the light at the prospect of a present. Where I saw a death trap.

“We don’t need their food, Danny.” I remind him, but Claudius steps in as if he was listening to our conversation. And most probably he was.

“Now hold on. Some of you may already be declining my invitation. But this is no ordinary feast. Each of you needs something desperately.”

I give myself away easily when my worried eyes land on my leg, in the light it seems even more terrifying. When I look up I know Danny is thinking the same thing.

“Each of you will find something in a backpack, marked with your district number, at the Cornucopia at dawn tomorrow. The backpacks will remain there for fifteen minutes before they disappear. Think hard about refusing to show up. For some of you, this will be your last chance,” says Claudius.

There’s nothing else, just his words hanging in the air. It just takes a couple of minutes before my mind jumps into action. If I manage to get close enough before dawn and hide myself well, then I can take out whoever shows up with my bow and arrow.

I know for a fact that Foxface is too smart to even consider going to the feast, but I guess that depends entirely on whatever it is that she desperately needs.

Clove and Cato will be there for sure, because they know I will be there too. It scares me how my fingers ache for revenge. In the best case scenario the four of them would be there and I could take them all out without a sweat. And then Danny and I could go home.

A bag being zipped brings me out of my fantasies, my mouth falls when I see Danny fixing the backpack on his back and preparing to climb down.

“Where the hell are you going?” My voice is colder than I ever though it could be when talking to him. But he doesn’t flinch, and that frightens me.

“You need the medicine, Katniss.” He is frowning, and his voice only wavers once as he attempts to look taller by straightening his back. All I can see is the little boy that followed Peeta’s steps back to the bakery. But I know he feels like a man. “You know I am right, Katniss. If you don’t get it the poison will get to your heart, or your lungs or something and you’ll die and you… you _can’t_ die. Not because of me.”

“Well you can’t exactly walk into the Cornucopia and expect them to give you our pack just because you ask nicely, Danny,” I spit and he frowns deeper.

“Then I’m supposed to sit here and wait for you to die?”

“You are supposed to sit here and let me take care of you!”

He is fuming, but so am I. We hold each other’s glares for a while before he removes the bag from his back and readjusts his position on the branch to give his back to me. It hurts, but not half as much as it would to see his face in the sky.

* * *

 _Sixteen_ hours for the feast. A _fifteen_ minutes-wide window of opportunity. A little less than _fourteen_ feet separating me from the ground.

Somehow Danny manages to climb just a few branches down before jumping and landing perfectly. I had been dozing off for a few minutes, and I assume he took it as a cue for his escape.

“Daniel!” I hiss.

“I’m sorry, I’ll be back,” he promises in a whisper before disappearing in the forest.

The pain in my leg intensifies by a hundred as I watch him leave, painfully aware that if anything happens to that kid it is on me and my stupidity.

The birds fly away scared when I scream in frustration, half wishing the Careers would come to get me. But they don’t, and I am left alone in the treetops to sulk.

After a few minutes, I gather enough self-control to put my belongings in my backpack and prepare myself to follow the baker’s son. It takes me way more than it usually does, and my leg protests when I land on the floor.

* * *

I am about _thirteen_ meters away from the Cornucopia. The night fell on me hours ago and the dawn is threatening to come soon. Danny is also nowhere to be found. The weight of the eyes of the _twelve_ Districts is unbearable as I look for him.

“Danny,” I whisper. Knowing it is entirely hopeless, but my heart still sinks when there is no answer. “Damn it Danny, where are you?”

The Arena is still, and for the first time I cannot hear birds or squirrels around me. The world seems awfully quiet without Danny’s too-loud-breaths against my neck while we walk.

Many things happen at the same time:

The sun comes out unexpectedly fast, confirming once again that everything that happens in the Arena is entirely Gamemaker-controlled. The ground before the mouth of the horn splits in two and a round table with a white cloth rises into the arena, the cloth is so white it almost hurts my eyes. I can’t remember the last time I saw something so _clean._ On the table sit four backpacks. A countdown appears on top of the Cornucopia, marking the time we have to gather our packs and get the hell out.

My eyes remain fixed on the numbers before a sudden movement catches my attention, a figure darts out of the Cornucopia, snags the green backpack with the number 5 and speeds off. Foxface! Leave it to her to come up with such a clever and risky idea.

Somewhere around that table, hidden into the vegetation, Clove, Cato, Thresh, (possibly Danny) and I are glaring at her as she runs away. We are still sizing the situation and she already has whatever it is that she needed. Now we are all trapped, because none of us wants to go after her, and no one wants to be the first one to go for their pack.

That should have been my strategy!

Instead, I’m left powerless as I try to figure out Danny’s.

When the clock marks _eleven_ minutes a second, much smaller, figure darts off the horn, grabbing the pack marked 12 and starting to run off to the forest, mimicking Foxface’s strategy. And maybe he would have succeeded if my subconscious hadn’t betrayed me.

Against my better judgement I cry out his name, and Danny stops on his feet to listen to me.

Those _ten_ seconds are everything Clove needs to corner him.


	26. The Silver Tongue

The second time his name leaves my lips my body lunges forward, trying to reach him, to protect him. But my leg betrays me and I fall face first in the ground.

“Katniss!” He cries out, but when I look up Clove is pressing the blade of her knife against his lips, forcing him to be quiet. I shiver, almost feeling the cold metal against my own face as I try to regain my foot.

“It’s okay Danny, we are allies remember?” She mocks, and I can see his small body trembling as he tries to find a way out. “How did mommy hen allow you to come here all on your own, Danny boy? Or is it that our poison is taking effect?”

Danny doesn’t reply and I manage to stand up. My hands are trembling and I am too far away to shoot accurately, especially since I am so nervous.

“She’ll kill you if you hurt me,” his voice almost makes me stop. That sweet kid should have never had to say those words. His voice should never tremble that hard.

“Liar,” she says with a grin. “Where is she? I could hear her screaming but she is nowhere to be seen. But don’t worry. I’ll kill you fast. It won’t even hurt.”

“Get your hands off him!” I threaten, but it sounds almost ridiculous since it’s tainted by my breathlessness.

She laughs and I stop, my wounded leg has stopped responding completely. And there is no way I can limp fast enough to stop her. I have to take her down while I’m still covered and Cato cannot find me. I force my hands to stop trembling and shoot.

But I fail.

She laughs as the arrow flies past her, but I know I have given away my position because she smirks into my direction.

“Oh, but you Katniss. You I’m going to have so much fun with. I promised Cato that if he let me have you, I’d give the audience a good show. I’m not like Marvel, remember? How he killed your little friend so quickly, so ungracefully?”

My stomach turns and I limp forward while trying to shoot again, but I have to let myself fall down when she throws a knife in my direction. I curse before trying to lift myself without any help from my leg. But when I manage to, I see a figure I hadn’t laid eyes on since the first day appear out of nowhere. Tresh is huge next to Clove, and he easily separates her from Danny before throwing her harshly onto the floor.

“What’d you say?” He demands, and I watch as pure terror invades both her and Danny’s faces.

She calls out for Cato and tries to crawl away but Tresh stops her, shoving her onto the ground again. “You killed Rue?”

“No! No, I- it wasn’t me!” She cries out, and I want to tell Danny to run towards me now that he can, but I am too shocked by Tresh’s yelling, I had never heard his voice above a mutter.

I hear Cato’s answer, and some rustling in the forest as he makes his way towards his ally. But he is too late.  Just as I am too far to cover Danny’s eyes and spare him the horror. Tresh grabs a large stone from the ground and then brings it down and hard against Clove’s temple. It’s not bleeding, but even from this distance I can see the dent in her skull and I know that she is a goner. It takes a few agonizing seconds before the canon is heard.

“Don’t touch him!” I cry when he turns around to see Danny. I search for an arrow but I realize I shot the last one in Clove’s direction. Danny is powerless and miniscule against Tresh, and I am useless and unarmed, feet away.

“What’d she mean? About Rue being your ally?”

Danny stares at him dumbfounded, but when Tresh takes a step towards him Danny suddenly finds his words.

“We teamed up! W-we were a team, Rue, Katniss and I. Blew up the supplies, sh-Katniss tried to save her. She covered her in flowers and sang to her to sleep.”

“Katniss?”

“T-the girl on fire…”

If it had been me in Danny’s place, I would have begged Tresh to be quick, to kill me fast so that I wouldn’t feel a thing and the people back home would be spared. But Danny proved to be stronger and smarter than me once more.

“P-please, she is sick. Cato poisoned her, this is medicine for her just… please can I go get it to her?” Is he _actually_ asking a fellow tribute to _spare_ him? I am at a significant distance, but I can’t see Tresh’s features wavering, and so I start limping towards them again, but I stop as soon as he speaks once again.

“Just this once, Twelve. For Rue.” He turns around to speak towards the woods I was on, missing my position for a few meters but I understood that he meant to be speaking to me. “We are even. No more owed.” I nod, even though I know he can’t see me.

And with that he turns around from Danny, a boy he could have murdered in his sleep with his bare hands, but didn’t; grabs his pack along with Cato’s and disappears into the edge of the plain into the area of the Arena I’ve never seen. Danny seems fazed, but Cato’s voice bring us both out of our haze and the blonde boy runs towards the woods, where I catch him into my arms, hugging him tightly. I can feel the warm tears wet my shirt where he sobs, and I guess I must be crying too because my voice shakes when I finally speak.

“I’m going to kill you Daniel Mellark, I swear I’m going to kill you.”

***

The walk back into the woods was frightening. My quiver was empty and my leg slowed us down. As soon as I was done hugging Danny we opened the pack hurriedly, finding a hypodermic needle which I quickly jammed into my leg before pressing down the plunger. Fire spread through my leg, but it started reacting again after a couple of minutes, and I could half-run next to Danny until we found a cave.

It is much closer to the Cornucopia than I’d like, but I can’t run much further and Danny obviously needs a break after the emotions he had just lived. Besides, I am positive Cato had been close enough to see Tresh taking his pack with him, if I had to bet I’d say he was going to go after him. Not us. But we can never be too sure, especially not here. We camouflage the entrance to the cave as best as we can and sit in the darkness for a while.

“You alright?” I ask him once the silence becomes unbearable, I am sure that even in here we are not hidden from the cameras.

“I thought I was going to die,” he confessed, choking.

I let out a long huff of air, swallowing back my _Me too,_ before he can catch it and I wrap my arms around him again, letting him sob against my neck.

“That was a stupid move, Boss. But somehow it worked out for you, in the end. And you are fine, and I will be fine thanks to you. Besides, we are the only team left.” I pull away so that he can look into my eyes while I speak, hoping he can see my honesty in the darkness. “We can do this, Danny. We could go home.”

“Home,” he confirms, wiping his tears and I kiss his forehead.

“Peeta is going to be furious at you when we get there, Prim too. They will all be so mad. I _am_ very mad,” I tease him, tickling him. He managed a smile.

“I wouldn’t mind being grounded by Mom right now.”

And with that bittersweet comment, we silently start getting ready to sleep, knowing that neither of us had much rest the night before.

***

 I try not to think much about how quickly the pain in my leg has disappeared. When I went to sleep earlier today it was a dumb pain, opposed to the unbearable twinge that had tortured me the day before. But now as I wake up in the cave my leg feels like new. I don’t remove the bandage though, if I take it off to reveal a piece of perfectly healthy skin I might go crazy. That’s just not how medicine works.  It shouldn’t be.

Beside me, Danny sleeps sort of peacefully, a smug smile on his face.

Now that he is safely within my reach I can tell that I am glad the things unfolded the way they did, in many ways Danny saved me earlier today. And that just might ease his conscience a little about having me in the Arena with him. I am glad at least one of us is walking out of here with a clean conscience. 

After a couple minutes of listening to our empty stomachs rumble in the darkness I wake him up. My bow is useless now that I don’t have any arrows left, but I take it with me anyway as we go outside to get something to eat. We both regret not having set some traps before going to sleep because we have to walk a long time before finding a fruit tree that doesn’t quite end our hunger.

I wonder where Haymitch is, and why he is letting us starve. I don’t like to admit it, but I know there has to be a reason for it.

***

The following morning is better. We slept a few hours in a half empty stomach and woke up to squirrels on Danny’s snares. We cook them and eat in silence, but even without either of us voicing them I know the question is there. _What now? What happens now, Katniss?_

My stomach turns as I think about it, because I do not know the answer to that question. Up until this moment I always had a sort of plan. Get a bow. Pretend to be a Career, get out of there. Blow up their food, be the last two. Take down the District Two team.

The night before we slept through the anthem, but I can picture Clove’s face in the sky without having seen it. The canon still sounds fresh in my mind, but nothing else does. Because I am at a complete loss of what to do.

I know the audience will become impatient soon, we gave them an action-packed morning yesterday but then slept the day off. There have been no more canons and there is only five of us left. The Gamemakers are probably already thinking about ways to round us up together for the final bloodbath.

Cato must be after Tresh, but whomever comes out alive from that quarrel is an enemy I don’t want to face. Cato is too strong, too determined and too heartless. Tresh… I can’t picture myself killing him, I just can’t. If we were to lose, I would like him to win, for Rue. But I know that it’s not a thought I should indulge. Foxface is still out there, goodness knows where. And while I could take her down easily on a physical fight, I know that she is too wise for me to ever be at arm’s length from her. Besides I kind of have a weak spot for her cleverness. Which reminds me…

“Danny, when you… how much time did you spent inside the Cornucopia with Foxface?”

He looks up from his squirrel, blinking as if he was trying to remember a distant memory.

“A while, a few hours I think. I ran because I knew you’d follow me, and because I wanted to be inside the Cornucopia before dawn, I didn’t think anyone else would think of it… she thought so too. She almost screamed when she saw me in there, but I talked to her. I told her I just wanted the medicine and I’d leave, and that she could go first.”

 _Clever boy._ “So you talked _two_ tributes out of killing you yesterday?”

He blushes in the morning light, and I smile.  “I guess.”

“You Mellark boys, your tongues are too dangerous,” I say without thinking, my heart turns heavy as I think of Peeta and how he always had the right thing to say. How his words had talked me into loving him, into letting him in. As I said: they were dangerous.

The silence stretches on for some more before I look up to find him staring at his empty plate.

“Let’s walk towards the lake, this is bound to end soon anyway.”

When he doesn’t ask what _this_ is, I know he understands me.

We collect berries as we walk, mostly because we know that there will be little chances for us to hunt or set snares in the following hours. But also because it keeps our mind of things, or at least I hope that it does for him. My own mind is too busy trying to figure out our next step for me to pay attention.

But then, the silence becomes unbearable. I turn around once I realize I haven’t heard his loud footsteps in a while, but he is not behind me.

Before I can call out his name, I hear a canon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much again for forgiving me for the long absences! I hope that you enjoy this chapter and that you are willing to overlook some minor nonsense (Katniss not being able to rescue Danny), I simply thought our sweet boy deserved his chance to shine!   
> Stay close for more updates! Also, I promise a Peeta POV before this all ends.   
> Merry Christmas y'all!
> 
> P.S anyone knows what happened to the horizontal lines?!


	27. The Odds

The Arena does bad things to my self-control.

Back in District 12, Gale and I barely exchanged any words when we were out in the woods. Unless we were in our spot we dedicated ourselves to roam through the forest and hunt in comfortable silence, we needn’t words to communicate. There had only been a handful of times in which I had lost sight of him and panicked, but I never cried out his name. The risk was too high.

Here in the Arena the risk is probably higher. But very against my will, I find Danny’s name leaving my mouth quite loudly _again_ , it only takes a second for me to press my hand against my mouth.

The echo of the canon doesn’t help my accelerated heartbeat. I make my way through the forest frantically, following my steps to try and find the place where Danny stopped following me. I know it’s impossible, but I can still hear the canon, along with my panicked thoughts.

_Not him, please not him. I’m begging you, not him._

I am not sure who am I begging to, but I continue to do it. And someone listens.

“Katniss,” the panic in his voice is only comparable to the relief that fills me when I see him. It only lasts for a second ─ the second it takes me to run my eyes across his whole body, making sure he is unharmed ─, this time I don’t rush to him and wrap my arms around him. Mostly because I know I am unarmed and vulnerable, unable to protect us both, and whatever thing that just killed another tribute is still out th-

“Katniss I think I killed Foxface.” His voice breaks in the end, when my eyes fly towards him again I think he is going to be sick.

“ _What?”_ This time I don’t even regret being loud, the thought of the sweet boy in front of me killing someone is just unfathomable.

“I-I don’t know! I was just picking berries and then out of the blue I heard the cannon and she was there! And she’s dead! I don’t know how!” My eyes travel to his shaking hands, in them there are what used to be berries, now squished with the strength of his fingers as he struggles to keep himself together. Before anything else happens I walk towards him to open his hand and make him let go of the berries.

“Did you eat them?!” I ask panicked, even if the only rational part left of my brain knows he hasn’t. _Not these, Katniss. Never these. They’re nightlock, you’ll be dead before they reach your stomach._ My father’s voice joins the echoes, and for once he is not welcome.

“N-no. Katniss what’s going on?” I look up to find his tears and before I can think of anything else I’m hugging him. Because he just killed Foxface, and it’s my fault. Because he was supposed to walk out of here free of guilt. And I’ve failed.

“They’re poison Danny, she was stealing your food.”

As an answer, a few feet behind him a hovercraft appears to retrieve Foxface’s body, the stain of nightlock still on her fingers. Danny sobs when he hears it, because he doesn’t need me to confirm it to know she’s his kill. I hold on to him tightly for some time.

Only the silver parachute manages to separate us. Because this time the gift from Haymitch doesn’t come with a wrapping: it’s a quiver, and inside I count twenty five brand new arrows.

His voice joins the echoes. _Good luck sweetheart, you’ll need it._

* * *

 

I change my mind and we head back to the cave. It’s a hard night. Even though I manage to hunt actual food and do my best to get Danny to eat, he only downs half a leg of grosling before telling me he is going to bed. I sit outside of the cave because somehow I know he doesn’t want me with him, but his sobs last for hours until he cries himself to sleep. I wonder what the Capitol thinks about this.

Do they see now what the Games are really about? Do they realize that they just turned a twelve year old into a murderer? That he will forever be haunted by his actions, as unintentional as they were? I hardly think so.

I miss Gale. I miss him ranting his hate towards the Capitol, voicing the rage that I kept locked inside but he read so easily.

I close my eyes and try to picture our spot, our initials carved in the wood of a tree that is older than the two of us together. The place where the grass isn’t as high because we sit on it so often. I miss his hum when he is skinning game, his big smile when he catches something big on his snares, the even bigger one when I shoot something down.

I miss my best friend so much I can’t breathe.

After a while I join Danny in the cave, I pull him close and try to ease his restless sleep singing to him. I sing until I fall asleep too.

When we wake up, everything is wrong.

Danny is hungry, so I give him the food I saved from the day before, I can wait. And I know for a fact that a full stomach is exactly what one needs after a full night of crying. My nerves are on edge, and I don’t know why. More often than I’d like to admit my fingers brush my new arrows, but soon I find out that the danger that I was sensing was not one I could shoot at.

“It’s dry,” Danny says. We stand in front of the place where the river was yesterday. And even when I know he is right I kneel down to touch the river bed, it’s completely dry. As if water had never been there.

“They are herding us like cattle, they want us all to go to the lake,” I say.

“We still have some water,” Danny offers and I smile gently at him. Because he _is_ right. Our bottles are full and so are our stomachs. We could simply find a good spot in the vicinity of the lake for me to shoot down our enemies when they come searching for water.

As if the Gamemakers could hear my thoughts, as if they could feel my rebelliousness and my impulse to go against their wishes, two sounds rattle the Arena.

One too familiar for my taste. The other one completely foreign, and hence more frightening.

The canon goes off at the same time a growl is heard. The growl is loud, angry, animal and hungry. It freezes my blood as my accelerated mind tries to make some sense out of it, but when I see Cato running through the forest, barely feet away from us, suddenly it all makes sense. Because there’s only one thing that could have made him run past us without so much as giving us a glance, the only thing that could possibly scare him that way, that could take down Tresh without a fight: Muttations.

“Run!” I cry to Danny, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind Cato, running towards the Cornucopia.

I’ve never seen these mutts, but they’re no natural-born animals. They resemble wolves, and they are fast. I try not to think of them, but their snuffling and growling makes it impossible. In this grand move, the Gamemakers of this year have managed to create the most action-packed finale in the history of the Hunger Games:  I’m running towards my worst enemy, towards the vicious and revengeful Cato.

Well, that’s what I call a plot twist.

I almost slam myself against the Cornucopia, unable to break in time. Danny is more agile and he climbs up before I can think of anything else. _Clever kid._ I follow him quickly, and when I reach the top I remember Cato and whip around. But he’s doubled over with cramps, his back turned in our direction and apparently more preoccupied with the mutts than us. My hand reaches for an arrow and I aim right at his back. I can take him down now, and the mutts will go away.

But I don’t, because even after all this time I am not a killer.

I quickly regret my decision when the mutts reach the Cornucopia.

There are at least seven of them, I force myself to think like a hunter, to analyze them like the animals they are and find their weakness. Instead I only find strengths. The mutts’ back legs are incredibly powerful, allowing them to stand easily and giving them an eerily human quality. The hair on the back of my neck rises.

Danny cries out when one of them jumps, proving once again the strength of their legs when it lands just feet below us. For a moment, he hangs there and it’s all it takes for me to realize what else unsettled me about the mutts. The green eyes glowering at me are unlike any dog or wolf, unlike any animal I’ve ever seen. They are human. And not only that, but they are familiar.

They are Glimmer’s.

I shriek as I stumble backwards, at the same time the mutt has begun to slide down the Cornucopia. Turns out they can’t in fact climb. I am safe, we are safe. I reach behind me to grab Danny’s hand, but only then do I realize that Cato’s panting is a sound no longer heard.

I turn around to find him smiling at me. His smile is unsettling, and the hold he has on Danny even more. It’s almost tender, as if he was his little brother. Both the blondes stare at me, Danny with panic on his eyes, Cato as if he had completely lost his mind. Maybe we all have.

I take a long time to process the situation:

  1. There are mutts around us, the mutts are most probably the tributes that have died in the days before. The people I’ve killed, the ones I’ve failed to protect.  _Rue._
  2. Said mutts cannot climb the Cornucopia. We are safe.
  3. Danny is not safe.
  4. Cato has on a kind of armor, a high-grade body armor from the Capitol. Was that what was on his pack at the feast?



I know my arrows will have no effect on his body, so I aim at his face. Right in his forehead. He smiles wider as he tightens his hold on Danny, the boy whimpers.

“Let him go,” I snarl.

“Or what? You’ll kill me?” He jokes and my stomach turns. I know he is right, I’m completely hopeless. The only thing I wanted since I stepped on the Arena was to get Danny back home alive. And for the first time I have absolutely no idea how to do it. I don’t lower my arrow.

“Shoot me and he goes down with me.”

We’ve reached a stalemate. The seconds weight on me as my tired brain tries to come up with one more solution. As if in a hurry, Cato tightens his hold on Danny, lifting his small feet from the surface of the Cornucopia, he’s choking him.

Danny’s legs start to trash as his small hands tug on Cato’s bigger one, attempting to release himself. It takes me too long to realize that’s not what he is trying to do. He is telling me to do something. When his lips have started to turn blue I take action, shooting Cato’s hand. He cries out and reflexively releases Danny, who falls down on his fours below him.

I shoot another arrow towards Cato’s head, but I fail. On the last second he manages to avoid it, but in doing so he loses his footing. Only now I realize that the mutts have gone quiet, but when Cato falls down in the middle of the pack the growling begins again.

 _It’s over. It’s over. It’s over._ The thought falls like a hammer on me as I rush towards Danny, who is gasping for air. I wrap my arms around him tightly, trying to stammer out the words to him, to tell him we are going home. But I can’t. Because it just doesn’t feel like it’s over.

The canon. It’s missing.

I don’t watch, but I can hear the snarls, the growls and the howls of pain that come from underneath us. The body armor must be protecting Cato from being killed, but it still doesn’t mean that he can’t serve as a chew toy for the mutts.

_They want me to kill him._

Night falls and the anthem plays, but only Tresh’s face is in the sky. My heart is squeezed as I realize that I didn’t save one thought to his death. Even when we said we were even I know we were not. Because he let Danny go, because I will forever owe him that. And now he is dead and I can never repay him. I can never make up for my mistakes with Rue.

Danny is shaking in my arms, and I know I have to do something, anything. But I don’t. Not until Cato cries out my name. I feel a thousand years old when I stand up, my shaking fingers reaching for an arrow as I squint in the darkness, trying to find him.

The arrow flies into his skull, and for a moment everything is silent. The mutts quiet down as if they were suddenly turned off, the wind stops howling, my heart seems to stop too. And then the canon is heard. A hole opens in the plain and as if on cue, the remaining mutts bound into it, disappearing as the earth closes above them.

We wait for the hovercraft to take Cato’s remains, for the trumpets of victory, but nothing happens. I haven’t dared myself the words out loud, but Danny does:

“But we won.”

I swallow, something’s wrong.

“Maybe we have to get away from the body, so that they can come pick it up. And then we go home,” his voice is so hopeful. But I don’t feel the same way. Still, I humor him and we jump off the Cornucopia, walking towards the lake as we try not to notice the bloody mess that used to be our enemy. After a couple minutes Danny proves to be right, the hovercraft comes and retrieves him. But there is no sign of trumpets, no hovercraft comes to get  _us._

It all suddenly makes sense to me, and then Claudius Templesmith’s voice booms into the Arena, confirming my thoughts.

“Greetings to the final contestants of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games. The earlier revision has been revoked. Closer examination of the rule book has disclosed that only one winner may be allowed,” he says. After a long pause, his voice makes me jump again when he adds:

“May the odds be ever in your favor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well look at that! This is a long chapter, I hope you guys like it!! I'm sorry not sorry for leaving you hanging like this, but to make up for it the next chapter is a Peeta POV (I know you love those!) Thank you so much for your support <3


	28. The Berries

“Kill him.”

When those words leave my mouth everyone tears their eyes from the television. I notice, because it is impossible not to feel the shock in four different pairs of eyes, but I don't look away from the television, so they return their attention to the screen. The two words leave a sour taste in my mouth, my hands are clenched into fists and every single part of me wants to vanish the distance between me and her, to push her behind me and take it from here. She’s so close to home I can almost sense her, but I know those last seconds of the Games are decisive, and they are killing me as much as they are killing her. 

I haven't slept in days, not since Cato sank his sword in Katniss’ leg. Here at home we were witnesses of it all: how he opened the poison that was sent to him via a parachute, how he dipped his sword in it, the horrified expression on Katniss’ face when she realised what we already knew. 

My hands had been in pain ever since, as if they ached to tend her wounds, comfort her, the way Danny got to. Through him I could almost feel her fever, her shivering at night, and which each one of my heartbeats I thanked my brother for taking care of her for me. 

And then things got significantly worse. 

The feast, Clove attacking my baby brother, Tresh letting him go after what can only be the worst seconds in my life, and the pain in my brother’s eyes when he realised he had indeed killed the girl from Five. 

I had spent the whole time in my couch, eyes attached to the screen, only moving whenever my father gave me a stern look, which meant “Shower and get a nap”. I never was away for more than an hour. Everyone knew that the Games were rushing to an end, so my father never tried hard to pull me away from the screen, he knew it was useless, and any moment we were not watching meant we could miss something important. 

“Kill him.”

I am no longer sitting down, around me my family and Katniss’ — “ _our_ family, we are married, we are in this together, she loves me,” the mantra I have been repeating myself since she left echoes in my head like a broken record— sit in my tiny living room, I suspect my father called them, he knows the effect Prim has on me. As a result my mother is less than pleased, especially after Danny told the story of my father loving Mrs. Everdeen on national television. Katniss’ mother is quiet and still, but her hands are gripping the couch tightly. 

The words I just ushered out feel heavy, and they fill me with guilt, but Katniss doesn't listen to me, she lowers the bow and spares Cato’s life on top of the Cornucopia. 

I want to groan but I don’t, Prim looks nauseated enough as it is, the last thing she needs is me ushering her sister to become a killer. 

The last minutes of the Hunger Games seem to stretch for centuries, and Prim’s quiet sobs join the commotion onscreen. I can see in Katniss’ eyes that she regrets not killing Cato when she had the chance, had she done it they would be out of the Arena already, but now he is choking Danny and my heart seems to be failing in my chest. 

I never thought I’d see my brother die. 

From the moment Katniss volunteered, I had started bracing myself to see _her_ die. She is too stubborn, too smart and too brave to die in the Hunger Games, which could only mean that Danny would make it out of the Arena and she wouldn’t. I never once doubted in her abilities to bring back my brother, which roughly translated in losing hope of ever holding her in my arms again.

And then the Capitol proved to be forgiving, or at the very least _smart._ I know the Capitol is not going soft, but they were smart enough to seize the opportunity Katniss and Danny presented them. Two Victors? The crowd was euphoric, the districts were speechless, and I was hopeful all over again. Because there was not a soul in District 12 that doubted the fact that this year we were winning the Games. We all had seen too much of Katniss already, not to mention she was the favourite all across Panem.

The look on my face when the announcement was made was broadcasted on national television, but no one had mocked me, I know they all had the same look on their faces when they heard the news. It was a twist no one had seen coming. 

If Katniss had been fierce before the trumpets, once she was given the chance of coming back home too she had fought twice as hard. I know that for once I wasn’t the only one able of reading her, the determination was clear in her eyes for the whole world to see. But it’s all going to be useless if Cato succeeds. In just a few seconds, he will kill my brother with his bare hands, and I am not sure of what will become of Katniss if he does. 

Behind me Prim mumbles Danny’s name against her mother’s shirt, and I wonder if she is seeing the screen. I hope not. I hope someone would shield my own eyes too, spare me from the horror of watching the life leave his eyes. 

Katniss spares me, she shoots Cato’s hand and I stumble forward as he falls backwards, right in the middle of the mutts. There is a collective sigh of relief in my living room, but the whole ambiance is tainted both by fear and guilt. We would all like to say that we are not glad to see Caro fall to his death. 

I glance behind me with the corner of my eye, glad to see that Mrs. Everdeen is now covering both Prim’s eyes and her ears, because the Capitol is merciless with the images of the mutts trying to tear apart Cato’s body, but the armor he got in the feast proves to be effective and prevents them from doing anything else but causing him unbearable pain. 

Cato— the Capitol’s favourite tribute, the vicious killer— calls out Katniss’ name, and out of mercy Katniss does what I asked her to do just a few minutes ago. She sends an arrow through the arena, and we follow it until it pierces Cato’s skull, ending his life with one last groan. The canon goes off and we all stop breathing. 

The silence that follows is unbearable, and it seems to last years. 

“They won.”

We all tear our eyes from the screen, because it is my mother who broke the silence. It is the first time she has uttered out any words about the Games since they started. My sore eyes focus on her, on the eyes that are so alike mine and Danny’s, and she stands up to leave the room, obviously uncomfortable with the sudden attention, but my father stops her. After a moment I stop watching her, because I manage to figure out what is so unbearable of the silence: it just shouldn’t exist. 

Where are the victory trumpets?! Where is the hovercraft that is supposed to bring them home?!

I focus my eyes back to the screen, scanning for something I might have missed. The seconds go by and Prim’s small hand closes around a fist that I hadn’t realised I had formed. I allow her to pull me back to the couch and I sit with the rest of the family watching our missing members on the television try to figure out the same as us. 

Danny speaks but I can barely acknowledge what he is saying, I’m too focused trying to remember if there is something the Victors are supposed to do before the Games are ended officially. 

At the same moment Templesmith’s voice announces my greatest fear, it hits me, just as it hits Katniss: we are all pieces in their Games. 

“No!” I roar, drowning my father’s gasp and Mrs. Everdeen cry. Because they’ve played us all along, giving us hope just to take it away in the last second. A small part of me is surprised they didn’t insist on bringing the cameras here again, just to record the exact moment in which my heart was broken all over again. 

I’m back on my feet, my eyes blinking furiously in an attempt to dismiss the anger tears so that I can focus on what is happening at the Arena. I feel like breaking the TV, as if would destroy the words we all have just heard, but I know it will do no good. 

Katniss and Danny are staring at each other, completely still and speechless, as if they were still waiting to hear Claudius Templesmith laugh and reassure them that it was just a joke. But he doesn’t, so neither of them move. And then the last thing I could have expected happens. 

Danny looks up to Katniss, his hand disappearing in his pockets when he opens his mouth to talk, his words are clear and paused, but I know too well that he is trying not to cry. _That makes two of us, buddy._

“I’m sorry Katniss, I’m sorry that you had to volunteer for me.”

She simply turns around to focus her dazed eyes on him, my stomach twists as I notice she is also trying not to cry. I know she is all out of ideas —something she absolutely hates — and Danny’s words are not helping at all. But either he can’t see that or he doesn’t care, because he continues. 

“I have to do this, I’m sorry… you need to go back to Peeta.”

The camera focus on his trembling hand, I think the collective gasp shakes Panem as we all see the dark berries on his palm, they used to be round but now they stain his hand. I know that even so they have the power to kill him. 

_What the hell are you doing?!_ My voice fails me, and I’m left there standing in the middle of my living room as I watch my twelve year old brother offer to commit suicide a thousand miles away, completely out of my reach. 

Not even Caesar Flickerman is saying anything, his voice had become a familiar sound to me: always a background noise to the gruesome happenings of the Games, but he has no words for this, it’s something that has never happened before. Because it was one thing to have Katniss trying to keep him alive, but this is taking the rule-bending to a whole new level. 

The only one that seems not to be touched by the gesture is the very girl Danny is trying to save. 

“Do it,” she spits coldly. A shiver runs down my spine as Danny flinches, I can count with one hand the times that Katniss has been harsh towards him. _“I dare you.”_ The hatred in her voice is obvious to everyone, but it isn’t until then that I realise towards whom it is directed. My hands clench again into fists when I figure out what’s coming next. 

_“Don’t do this Katniss.”_ As usual, she doesn’t listen.

“Eat those berries and then _they_ win, Danny. And I swear that I will wait until the victor trumpets appear to kill myself on national television. And Peeta gets none of us, and the Capitol doesn’t get their winner and then _I win._ So do it, I dare you.”

Her eyes don’t move from my brother’s, and her voice only trembles with fury. Her hands are holding on tightly an arrow, but the only enemy left it’s not one you can shoot at. Danny’s hand, the one that holds the nightlock, is trembling harder now, because he knows now that she isn’t daring him, but _them_. Katniss Everdeen is threatening the Capitol. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't believe this is coming to an end so soon! Thank you so much for sticking with me all this time, your support means everything to me! I recently got asked a very interesting question in one of the comments. They were asking me if I'd do a second part, sort of a Catching Fire version, and I am considering it. Would you read it? Please comment! (:


	29. The Way Back

I don’t know exactly what I was expecting to happen. The same impulsive and angry behavior that led me to shoot an arrow at the Gamemakers weeks ago has stricken again and lured the words out of my mouth. I just openly challenged the Capitol on national television. When the silence surrounds us the painful realization that I would be severely chastised for my outburst sinks in, and because of the obvious death wish I just announced, they will soon figure out that the only way to hurt me is the small boy in front of me. 

But there is no use thinking over my words now, they have been laid out and now I just have to wait, unable to know what kind of effect my words had outside of the Arena. So I focus instead on Danny’s trembling hand, ravaging my brain for a way to comfort the both of us, a convincing lie to make us believe that we are going to be fine. But I can't come up with one. 

“Let go of the berries, Danny.” My voice comes out hoarse and tired, nothing compared to the yelling I just let out. 

My outburst had gotten a reaction, of course, but there is no way of us finding out here. But when Danny acts, the Gamemakers make sure to be heard. It all happens in a flash to me: 

He apologizes with a broken whisper, his blue eyes that look like Peeta’s so much it hurts lock with mine as he brings the berries closer to his dry lips. 

But before he has a chance to kill himself, before I have a chance to stop him, Claudius’ voice booms across the Arena. 

“ _Stop!”_

The second that follows was the longest I have experienced in my entire life, but when the trumpets are heard I can barely acknowledge what came next, only the way Danny dropps the nightlock at the ground.

“Ladies and gentleman, I give you the Victors of the 74th Hunger Games. Katniss Everdeen and Daniel Mellark! I give you — the tributes of District Twelve!”

* * *

I am sitting in my old quarters (it is weird to refer to them in that way, it was only a few weeks since I left them, and they were mine for a couple days only), running my hand across the rug as I try hard not to blink. Whenever I close my eyes the memories come flooding in immediately.

My most recent memories are a whirlwind of pain killers and scared glances; they had lifted us into a hovercraft and immediately took Danny away from me to tend our wounds separately, but I hadn’t seen him ever since. When Cinna came to see me one look from him made me stop asking questions, the seriousness in his eyes made it clear that I was in no position to be asking favors. Still, I appreciate the fact that he doesn’t tiptoe around me the way everyone else does. 

The Capitol has fixed my ear, so I recognise Haymitch’s steps when he walks towards my room, I even hear him hesitate in front of my door for a while before he comes in after a short knock. So much for privacy. 

I don’t know what I was expecting from him, but it was definitely not this. Never in my life have I seen him that sober. 

His back was straight, his clothes were completely unwrinkled and his face was beyond exhausted.Never have I ever been this happy to see him. Without thinking much about it, I stand up from my spot in the corner of the room and walk straight to him, wrapping my arms around him tightly. After a long pause he returns the embrace. 

“You really fucked up this time, sweetheart.”

I wince, pulling away so that we can see each other, and finally sitting down on the corner of the bed. It is the first time I touch the bed since I was put here. I've chosen instead to sleep on the floor. Something so soft and comfortable seems foreign to me now. 

“How do I fix it?”

The words sound foreign in my mouth, like every single fiber of my body wants to keep fighting against the Capitol, like I want to stand my ground and defy them over and over again until they realize that _they_ are the ones wrong, that we are people, not just pieces in their games. But I’m tired, and I want to go home, and I want to stop being afraid. 

“Lucky for you sweetheart,” Haymitch exhales, sitting next to me. “You won the Capitol’s heart from day one, and let’s say this is not your first reckless act of rebellion since you got here.” Suddenly his voice sounds less sincere, as if he was repeating a lie that he had already manufactured. “You’ve obviously been put under a lot of stress, and the thought of everything being ripped away from you… even when you knew the Capitol would _never_ do something like that. Besides, goodness knows what side effects the leg medicine had on you. You simply showed how far you are willing to go to protect your family, you didn’t mean it.”

_I didn’t mean it._

“Temporary dementia,” he finishes, swallowing hard. 

I am unable to keep my eyes on him a second longer, so I look down at my hands. The Capitol has erased every single trace that I was in the Arena, there are no scars or bruises or broken nails. As if I had never left this room. I link my hands together and think of Danny, how he is somewhere in a room similar to this, alone. Will they let me see him if I agree to play under their rules?

I think of Gale, and how he must have been so proud of me after I spoke up, after I openly defied the Capitol for the first time in the Games’ history. If I take it all back, if I tell the world that I was just tired and I wanted to go home, if I tell Panem that _I didn’t mean it_ and that I trust the Capitol… he would never forgive me.

But then I think of Peeta, and how the lack of news must be killing him. What is being broadcasted right now? Is he forced to see the repeats of the Games over and over again? Watching me and Danny get hurt, feeling the time until we see each other stretch longer and longer? If I don’t take it back, then I probably will never see him again. 

“I guess I never really did feel like myself in the Arena,” I say finally. My voice is flat but I know it’s a start. “My memories are fuzzy, and I was just so tired. I wanted to go home.”

I rise my face so that I can see Haymitch’s, my eyes try to dissect his expression, and I can’t help but notice the very slight disappointment behind the understanding. He more than anyone has a reason to despise the Capitol, Haymitch more than anyone else would want me to tear them to pieces. But our hands are tied. So he simply nods and pats me in the back. 

“I’ll get you home, sweetheart.”

* * *

The Capitol wants me to reunite with Danny on National television, which means it has been two days since we left the Arena and I haven’t yet seen him and I am slowly losing my mind. I look at my reflection in the mirror, trying to recognize myself in the girl staring back at me. I’m wearing a pale yellow sundress that makes me look like I am twelve years old, my eyes focus on Cinna’s in the mirror and I nod. The less terrifying I look now the better.

Cinna proves once more he is on my side when he gently sets my pin on my dress and hands me my ring. 

“Go get them, Girl on Fire.” 

They are going to interview me first, dissect my every action in the Arena before they bring Danny on stage. They usually show a summary of the Games before the interview, but this year they are making things differently. The less screen time we have the better, apparently. So they have issued an announcement that after the interview, a very short recap and the Victory Party the two of us will be sent home. Much better if you ask me. 

When I walk into the stage the crowd goes crazy, and my smile is real when I am reassured that they are glad to see me. The Capitol doesn’t hate me. I’m safe. 

“Are you feeling much better, Katniss?” Caesar’s voice sounds sincere, and I notice immediately that he is guiding the interview yet again. He is helping me out, I just need to play my cards right. 

“Oh yes, those last days were a nightmare. Apparently, due to a mixup there were some ingredients in the medicine Danny got for me that I am allergic to, I don’t know how I made it through those last days!”

Sounds of sympathy surround me. Everyone has been exposed to message after message of my so-called recuperation. They all blame my actions on the side effects and exhaustion. I’m safe. 

“Let’s go back a little, shall we my darling? The last time you were on this stage, you were not planning on coming back, were you?”

I shake my head, thinking over my words before I let them out. Something very unlike me. 

“I wanted Danny to come out more than anything. I was ready to do whatever it took.”

“And you sure did! Didn’t she?” The crowd goes crazy again and I force out a chuckle, smiling at the public before Caesar quiets them down. “I have to say, I was truly touched by the way you took care of him. You must love him and his brother a lot.”

“They are family,” the words come easy this time. But it is still hard to forget the whole country is watching me. “I love my family more than anything.”

The public swoons and claps, and I blush, adding to my non-threatening look. I’m safe. 

“Well, Katniss. I can’t say how glad I am to see you here tonight, and I am sure looking forward to see you back every year as a mentor!” 

My stomach drops but somehow I manage to keep my smile up, I had been so busy trying to stay alive that I hadn’t stopped to think about that. The Games don’t end the moment the trumpets go off. These Games go on and on forever. 

Caesar continues to speak, the audience laughs and I force myself to pay attention again, dismissing the thoughts of the future for a moment. I have enough time to worry about that later. 

“…am I right folks?” I laugh along with the crowd for a moment, but Caesar turns serious after. I know what is coming, Haymitch coached me for this question, but still my palms turn sweaty. 

“I’m sorry, Katniss. But I _have_ to ask you… about the berries.” I nod solemnly and he takes a moment to complete his question. “What was in your mind in that moment?”

I take a long breath, the lies tasting like poison in my mouth but I urge them out anyway. I’ve said them so many times now, yet I am still surprised of how sincere they sound. 

“I honestly don’t know what happened to me, Caesar! You have to understand, that being in the Arena is a _lot_ of stress, you are scared _all the time._ Especially me, since I wasn’t just scared for me but for Danny. And then I had the amazing news that we both could go home and I was… consumed by it. Now it seems silly, I know that the Capitol never backs up on their words and that it was just a Game, that we had won already. But in that moment it was just… too much for me, I exploded. I’m sorry, everyone.”

Behind Caesar, in the edge of the stage Haymitch nods. I’m safe. 

“My poor darling, hopefully we can get those chemicals out of your system and have you back to normal real soon!” He reaches forward and squeezes my arm, I smile. “Now, how about a little reunion, huh folks?” 

The crowd goes crazy and they don’t subdue even when Caesar announces Danny. I stand up immediately, just in time to catch him in my arms when he runs across the stage towards me. I wouldn't have thought it possible, but the audience cheers louder. He is wearing a yellow shirt that matches my dress and a pair of black dress pants. He is safe. We are safe. 

The interview goes way more easy when he is here sitting next to me. Caesar and Danny talk about the Capitol food and what he is going to miss the most, he also talks about how he is looking forward to go back to the bakery and make cakes with his father again. We has the audience wrapped around his finger, and he easily makes the people forget about my little accident. I wonder if Haymitch told him the danger we are in. I hope not. 

Instead of the usual three hour recap we get the Games condensed in an hour and a half. Danny buries his head in my arm more than once as I observe the details. By watching the recap you’d think I was a Career. Cold, calculating. Except for the moments I was with Danny, of course. They even erased most of the scenes with Rue so that they could skip the bit of her death, because my song and the flowers, they stink of Rebellion. 

Soon the recap is over and we stand up to listen to the Anthem and receive President Snow. He places a crown on top of Danny’s head and I try not to show how revolted I feel about him touching me. But that thought easily goes away when his eyes fall on mine and I realize once and for all that the Capitol may have forgiven me, that the whole berries thing may be forgotten to their eyes. But not him. I’m not safe.

* * *

 

Effie makes us leave the party early, using Danny’s age as an excuse, which I appreciate. If I have to dance with another sponsor with wandering hands I might not be able to keep my mask on anymore. We are shoved into the train and Effie and Haymitch quickly excuse themselves and leave us alone in the luxurious living room. Everything looks wrong, too polished, too clean, too safe yet threatening at the same time.

“We are going home,” he murmurs and I smile softly, nodding, but I can't bring myself to look at him. 

“Just think about how happy everyone is going to be, Katniss. Peeta, Prim, Dad, Gale… besides the whole District gets food for a year!”

I let him comfort me for a while before I excuse myself too and lock myself in my chambers. Once again I don’t touch the bed and choose the floor to sleep in, crying quietly until I am too tired to continue and I sink into a restless sleep.

* * *

 

Effie helps me apply my make up as we enter District Twelve. There are going to be cameras everywhere to record our reunion with our families, and they will stick around for a few weeks to watch us blend in our lives again. I hate that.  The last time I saw my family I thought I was saying goodbye, I am not ready to let go of my last shred of privacy just yet. 

“Chin up, smile on,” Effie reminds me and I give her a soft smile that is almost sincere. I never in a million years would I have thought that I'd end up being fond of Effie Trinket.  “That’s my girl.”

I’m wearing pants, which I am grateful for, and my hair is braided in my trademark look. I saw a lot of people mimicking in the Capitol and I tried to seem flattered whenever they showed me their new look. I am standing next to Danny, holding his hand as we wait for the train to slow down and the doors to open. When they finally do I’m suddenly blinded by the sunlight and the cheering people in front of us. The whole District seems to be here to welcome us home. 

Danny waves enthusiastically, standing on his tiptoes as he tries to find a familiar face in the crowd. I do the same. And then I see them. 

My mom’s eyes are red, but she is smiling as she waves right back at us. Beside her Prim cheers along with everyone, and Gale towers next to them. He has a relieved but stern smile on his face, stoic against the noisy crowd. His eyes don't leave me and I know that even though he is disappointed he is glad I am fine, maybe he will forgive me someday.

“Dad!” Danny disappears from my side suddenly, and I follow him with my eyes until I see him collide against his father, even Mrs. Mellark joins into the embrace. But I’m more interested in Peeta. He wraps his arms around his family, but his eyes link with mine and I suddenly feel heavy. 

Because I am not the person that left this District all those weeks ago. I can’t be. 

I lock my eyes with his again, they are so familiar that I can read their confusion even from this distance. Before I can refrain myself and think of the cameras I rush into the crowd, running towards him and burying my face into his chest. The crowd suddenly turns silent. 

It takes him a minute, but eventually Gale wraps his arms around me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me!! I know that it has been a very long time since I last published a chapter, and I really hope you like this one!  
> We are only one chapter away from finishing this story and I honestly can't believe how much support you guys have given me all this time, thank you so much! After a long time thinking about it, I have decided to write a sequel! So keep tuned for news about that, alright? Tell me what you think in the comments!


	30. The Stolen Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh goodness, I can't believe this is the last chapter!!

The reporters got bored quickly, or maybe the Capitol decided it would be wiser to stop the broadcast altogether than risking me losing even more popularity, so they left and District Twelve slowly went back to normal. Except that it isn’t normal anymore. 

Children wave around candies and loaves of bread, that is good. Prim sleeps in a huge bed all by herself, she giggles and has enough to eat every day, that is even better. Haymitch is drinking again, hidden in the house next to mine, that is great for him I guess. Danny is safe in the Victors House in front of mine, no tributes or Gamemakers out to get him, that is perfect. Everything seems to be okay, but I am not buying it. I am not okay either. 

Since I was nowhere to be found, Danny got the worst part of the “Welcome Home” interviews. After my small “wrong-fiancé” incident — as they teasingly called it at the Capitol — all cameras were on me, but Haymitch quickly came to my rescue claiming that the stress had gotten the best from me again and that I would need some privacy and rest in my new home with Peeta. 

And I got privacy and rest, alright. Just not with him. 

Danny distracted everyone by filming in his new house, talking about the bakery, introducing his friends to the Capitol reporters, even Prim gave some interviews to keep the Capitol happy. All the while I buried myself underneath the eerily soft covers of my new bed and tried to keep my nightmares at bay unsuccessfully. Everyone thought Peeta was there to help me fight them, but he actually was hiding at the bakery, his old home, giving me space and privacy. 

“Would it kill you to take a walk with the boy?” Haymitch had grumbled two days after we got back to Twelve. He was angry enough at me for screwing up again, and he had to deal with my mother’s hospitality when he demanded to see me. I am still surprised he didn’t raise his voice. 

“Sweetheart, everyone was rooting for you in that Arena, you want to know why? Because they love a pair of star-crossed lovers. No one thought you would get out of there alive but you did. And I think that the less you can do to assure you stay alive is give the Capitol what they want and kiss your fiancé for the camera!”

His last words came out in a hiss, and that was enough to light up the fire that had been dormant since Danny pulled out those berries. 

“One thing, Haymitch! Just one fucking thing!” I bursted “I know I screwed up with Peeta too, alright? He had to spend weeks watching me become someone else, a murderer, just for me to come home and screw up even more. But if it is true and I belong to the Capitol now, why don’t you all let me have _one_ fucking thing for myself and fix things with Peeta with no cameras around?!” 

Haymitch slammed the door, apologized to my mother and left my house. A couple days later the reporters left too.

* * *

 

It’s Sunday, so I get up early, I put on my father’s jacket and sneak out. The woods are further from my home now, but I my mother let me use my old house as a storage place. I stop by, grab a game bag and a knife and I cross the fence within minutes. When I reach our spot, Gale is already waiting. I can see that he is surprised to see me, but he conceals it quickly. I haven’t seen him since the day I came back, but I know he is not quite over the fact that it was  _him_ whom I chose to save me that day. I know too that he would have wanted to bring me here after we pushed through the crowd, but we couldn't risk it, not with so many cameras around. So the woods had remained forbidden to us for a while, and the withdrawal had obviously affected our relationship, since none of us reached out for the other after that day. 

Without a word we start walking, and we slowly fall back into the routine we worked on for so many years. But once in a while I catch him looking at me, as if he expected me to whisper in his ear again, as if he was just waiting for me to beg him “Get me out of here” so that he could take my hand and run away with me, away from the memories, from Peeta, from District Twelve. More than once, Gale had mused out loud about the both of us running away to make our lives in the woods. And even when he knew it was impossible, I know that he spent more time than it was advisable indulging those daydreams. 

“I’m sorry I slapped you,” I say finally as we pluck out the feathers of a pair of birds. 

“I deserved it. If anyone could bend the rules like that and bring both the boy and yourself back it’s you, Catnip. I never should have doubted you.”

I swallow and nod, looking down to my hands to find them covered in blood, my breath catches in my throat. 

“You were going to say something, before they took you away.”

His unfinished sentence has bothered me ever since, but when the silence becomes tense I know that I should have never asked. So I let him lie to me. 

“I was going to say I was sorry.”

I stuff the bird back into the game bag and lean over to wash my hands in the pond. When I look up my eyes fall on Gale’s snares and suddenly everything proves to be too much for me to handle, I hand him the bag and start heading back, trying to remind myself that there is no need for me to run, these woods are safe. 

But I doubt I can ever feel safe again.

* * *

 

District Twelve is not that big, one would have thought that I should have ran into Peeta by now. But he knows me too well, and I know he has tiptoed around me the past week so that I can deal with everything. The upside is that I too know him very well. 

It’s chilly outside, so I grab a jacket on my way out, my mother and Prim follow me with their eyes but they don’t ask any questions. I know I have to mend things with them too, because I’ve kept them at bay ever since I came back so that they don’t see how much the Games have broken me. I make a mental note to take Prim to the candy store tomorrow, and to let my mother braid my hair next time she asks. 

My dad used to be a respected man in the District, and when I followed his steps and started providing meat and herbs from the woods the people from both the town and the Seam respected me too, but it’s nothing compared to how they behave around me now. People smile at me but avert their eyes. I think that once the whole country has seen you shoot an arrow through someone’s skull there is no going back. 

The alley is cold, and I tighten my jacket around me as I rest against the cold stone of the seamstress’ store. My hands fidget as I wait for the sun to come down completely, in my head I can picture exactly what is happening in the store in front of me. Peeta is cleaning around as he waits for the last clients of the day, once they arrive he will probably sneak an extra bread in their bags without charging them a single coin. The bell sounds when they walk out and Peeta will jump over the counter, turn around the sign and turn off the lights of the window. The Mellark Bakery is closed for the day. 

I can almost see him moving around the kitchen, sweeping the flour, cleaning the trays, placing the reminding dough in the fridge, carrying his everyday routine while humming under his breath. My original plan was to walk in, the way I did so many times, and simply grab the broom and start helping out. I used to do that so that he could get done with his chores early and we could have a moment to ourselves without his mother flipping out. I meant to walk in and wave my white flag, but I couldn’t. Even waiting outside for him to walk out is proving to be too much. 

My skin is broken in goosebumps, and each time I hear his footsteps near the door I feel the sudden urge to run away, but I can’t do that anymore. So I try to calm myself by spinning my ring on my finger, looking around and thinking of his eighteenth birthday, by far the fondest memory I have of this alley. 

> “Happy birthday,” I said with a smile on my face walking up to him to hand him his present. It was a box of color pencils and a coloring book Prim and I had saved for since the summer. His face broke out in a smile when he opened it, and he pulled me into a hug to thank me. Little by little I had gotten used to his displays of friendly affection. After two years of friendship I was more than okay with him bumping his shoulder against mine when he teased me, kissing my cheek goodbye, high-fiving me whenever I managed to take down something big while hunting, etc. Gale and I, we had never been physical, there was something comforting and intimate in our silence and interactions, but it simply was not the way Peeta and I were. 
> 
> I returned the hug gently, burying my face in his warm chest and breathing in the scent of fresh bread and sunshine. He always smelled like sunshine, even when it was dark outside. 
> 
> “My family is having cake upstairs if you want to come,” he said after a moment, relaxing his arms around me so that I could break away from our embrace if I wanted. He always did that, Peeta always managed to both respect and break my walls at the same time. 
> 
> Suddenly, I realized that I _didn’t_ want to let go of him, there was something soothing about being held by him. But I also figured the hug had lasted long enough. 
> 
> “That would be great, thank you,” I said back, starting to pull back. 
> 
> I am still not sure how it happened, in fact I don't think even he knows, but Peeta abruptly tightened his arms around me again, and in my surprise he managed to catch my lips with his in a gentle kiss. 
> 
> I froze. I had never been kissed, I had never even _thought_ about being kissed, much less by Peeta. Peeta who was my friend to spend afternoons reading with, Peeta who loved to give piggy back rides to my sister, Peeta who always brought flowers to my mother when he stopped by, Peeta who always had a smile for me. Peeta who was the boy with the bread, the dandelion in the spring that had saved my life. 
> 
> Even when I had never thought about kissing him, slowly it became the only thing that made sense. 
> 
> So I shifted my arms so that they could wrap around his neck and I could stand on my tip toes, kissing him back. I tried not to think much about what I was doing, my cracked lips moving inexpertly against his soft ones.  Moments after Peeta smiled against my lips and pulled back, but he kept his arms around my waist. 
> 
> “I wanted to do that for a very long time,” he whispered and I blushed underneath the starry night, looking away.
> 
> It was a completely new kind of silent intimacy, but I knew that as soon as we broke our embrace I would find myself craving it. 
> 
> “Look, Katniss…” Peeta stepped back, proving my point. Before I knew what I was doing I reached for his hands, which hung intertwined between us. He looked down to them for a second before looking up to my eyes. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. And I know that in your books there is no place for something as mundane or time consuming as falling in love. I know that you have to provide for your family and that you have Gale and that I am just some town boy who just got into your life but,” he swallowed. “I guess I just wanted you to know that, if you’ll have me, I’ll always be here to help you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
> 
> I knew that the ball was in my court, and that I was supposed to say something. Peeta was always the one that did the talking, and even when he could bring more words out of me than anyone else, that didn’t mean that it was easy to reply to a undying love declaration just seconds after my first kiss. 
> 
> Still, I knew the idea of what I wanted to say. It was the wording what was difficult, but even a year later Peeta insisted that those were the best words he had ever heard in his life. 
> 
> “I’ll have you. Of course I’ll have you.”

Soon I lose track of time, because after that first kiss the memories come tumbling down faster and faster. Being with Peeta proved to be easy as breathing to me. We soon became the gossip of the District— the Town boy and the Seam girl, the history repeated itself according to the people around, and even some bets started to circulate around the idea that I too would leave the baker for the miner — but they grew bored quickly and the boys stopped howling at Peeta whenever he reached for my hand in public. 

Growing back together with Gale was harder, and it wasn’t until Peeta told me that he was just jealous that I realized that my best friend had always mistakingly thought it was going to be _him_ the one I would have ended up with, or maybe he just felt betrayed because of me claiming I never wanted anyone romantically, just to give Peeta of all people a chance. Eventually he started showing up at our spot on Sundays again and we never talked about it, we simply agreed silently to never bring up Peeta during our time together. 

I jump when the back door of the bakery opens and I am pulled out of my thoughts abruptly, the desire to run away becomes even stronger. Peeta comes out, looking down at his feet and huffing. He is carrying two heavy sacs of flour that he tosses against the pile in the alley furiously. It’s only then when he looks up and notices me in between the cloud of flour that he has provoked. 

His face is the same as always, but somehow the lines are harder, the furrowed brows that I saw on the interviews they did of him (I watched them in the train) have not yet disappeared. And the pain on his eyes, the one that I saw when I accidentally locked my eyes with his after I ran into Gale’s arms, it’s obviously still there. 

Peeta’s blue eyes run over me, as if making a full body scan. He takes in the way one of my legs is significantly thicker than the other, because of the bandages that I have to wear still, after his eyes stay for a moment there they lock on the delicate ring in my hand — is that relief in his eyes? did he think I wouldn’t wear it anymore? — before moving on. I know that he notices the slight differences too, the waxed eyebrows, the even fingernails, the cold in my eyes. But I hope that he realizes — even when it took me a long time to figure it out too — that underneath the polished exterior, I am the same person still. 

“Look Peeta,” I begin after a moment. I know that if I wait long enough he’ll end up saying something, but I also know that I can’t keep quiet anymore. _I_ fucked up, so _I_ have to make things right. 

“I don’t know when I fell in love with you, I just _did._ And I am sorry that I had to talk about you and about us in front of everyone in Panem, I was just trying to bring Danny back. All I did, it was to bring your brother back. I guess I was so focused on achieving that that I never stopped to think about the fact that I would have to face you again, and I panicked. I was afraid of you thinking about everything I’ve done and…” I swallow. “I guess what I want to say is that I still love you. I’m sorry if it took me this long to say it, and that I have to steal all of your words to say it. But, if you'll have me, I still would like, very much, to marry you.”

I had focused my eyes on his so hard that it takes me a moment to notice what else was going on, his lips twist up in a weak and relieved smile, and his cheek is suddenly invaded by a couple of streaming tears. Eventually we both work out the courage to take a step towards the other and our lips close the space between us. 

He still tastes like sunshine. 

Before I know it I’m crying too, because I’ve missed him. I've missed the boy with the bread, the man that always makes me laugh when I'm scared, or angry or tired. The only person outside of Prim that I am positive I could love forever. 

His sunshine taste is soon corrupted by our salty tears, but when we finally pull away — once our kisses have gone from slow and tender to needy and passionate, and back — we are smiling. Because this is still good, because this is still home. 

“Of course I’ll have you, Katniss Everdeen. I will always have you.”

* * *

 

The next morning my mother and Prime smile in surprise when Peeta and I walk downstairs hand in hand to have breakfast. We invite his father and Danny to come over and little by little my chest turns lighter as I watch my family laugh, sitting around a table filled with food. Watching Danny still makes the memories of the Arena tumble before my eyes, but Peeta's hand around mine keeps them at bay. Maybe I can never really forget, but I can find a balance. 

Peeta and I stop by Haymitch’s to give him some bread, and a couple days later I give him authorization to call in a couple of Capitol paparazzis. Within some weeks there are pictures of me and Peeta everywhere in the news, and even when in the beginning it made my stomach twist to think of everybody dissecting our kisses, our hand holding, our conversations, I eventually decide that I can live with it as long as it means that they will forget everything about the berries incident.

That is, until they start talking about the wedding. 

The paparazzis are long gone, but one morning while watching the news I hear Caesar talking about my ring and how they are still waiting for news about our wedding, how he just can’t wait to see me in a wedding dress. Peeta and I haven’t talked about getting married ever since that night on the alley, and I think that it is because we are definitely not looking forward to get married in front of a bunch of Capitol strangers. 

Disgusted, I turn off the television, but I can’t shake the thought off my mind for the rest of the day. 

When the night falls, I gather up the courage to grab the same jacket I was wearing the day I finally decided to fix things between us. The white fur keeps me warm as I walk towards the bakery, and this time I get to the alley just as he is walking out. 

He chuckles. “Is this going to become routine between us?”

The smile comes easy, but it goes away quickly too. It takes him just a couple of seconds to figure it out. 

“You’ve been watching the news again.”

I agree with a nod, and Peeta pulls me into a comforting hug without saying anything else, he knows that sometimes words are not what I need. Much to his surprise, it is me who breaks off our embrace I keep one of his hand so I can pull him behind me. 

No one sings a song as we cross the door to his bakery, but he fixes my white jacket around me as we walk into the kitchen, turning only the strictly necessary lights so we don't bump into anything. He pulls out the remaining dough from the refrigerator and we knead it together in the gentle light. Peeta’s expert fingers guide mine as we sprinkle the cheese, and he steals kisses from me as much as he cans. 

We barely talk, because there is not much to say really. If only, the one thing that I know I have to say out loud is "I love you" so I say it as I bury my face in his neck when we wait for bread to be done, and I am suddenly hit with the realization that I _can_ feel safe, as long as I am with Peeta. 

We sit by the fire, and he laughs at the flour in my nose, I tease him about Danny spilling the story of his childhood crush to me and he rolls his eyes, but in the gentle light of the fireplace I can see him blushing. 

“I’m still jealous you have never sang for me,” he murmurs after a moment, bringing me out of my thoughts of the Arena. Peeta’s tone is light but sincere, and the silence that follows is only broken by him breaking our freshly baked bread in half. I grab my part and watch him start toasting a smaller piece of his, I smile and do the same. 

“I’ve sang for you. But I do it when you are asleep.”

Peeta smiles without turning towards me, and it's only then when I realize it's _me_ who has been fooled. 

"Or at least when I _thought_ you were asleep." Peeta's laughter drowns the cracking of the fire and the bread, and we stay silent until his bread changes color and he pulls it from the fire, blowing on it gently before feeding it to me. 

Once the bread is gone and the fire starts to die off I start singing quietly for him. _Maybe,_ I think, _as far as wedding gifts go, this is a pretty good one._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone that has stuck with this story until the end. I was sorry to see some of you go after the plot-twist ending of last chapter, but I am so glad so many others had enough faith to see this through <3  
> It has been a true joy to write this story and I can't thank you enough for the kudos and comments. Hope to see you again in the sequel! 
> 
> Also, I made a ~~crappy~~ graphic in tumblr for this fic, so if you guys could reblog it to spread the word (or make your own, that would make me happy forever) it would mean a lot to me. You can find it [here](http://skaaikruprincess.tumblr.com/post/141822447914/head-first-by-ladygriffyndor-read-on-ao3-read).


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